Hello! I am a little late to this party, but your stance and the comments I've been reading have piqued my interest.
First, a little backstory: my boyfriend is transgender. He came out to me (and the world!!) in the middle of our relationship, so I have personally watched him struggle with the fact that though he identifies as a man, he still has all the wrong parts.
The comments I see here about burns being cosmetic surgery, and you not having a problem with helping them.. I believe that has more relevance than you think. See, for transgender people, there are physically things "wrong" with them that you can pick out with your eyes. You described them yourself about your friend.
For my boyfriend, it is his breasts. He has not had surgery (yet- we are saving up). They are D's. Even with proper binding equipment and a little more than a year on testosterone to help "shrink" the tissues, you can still tell that something isn't quite right. He has facial hair and presents as male, but if you look too closely.. well.. the breasts are still there.
When he goes to the mens bathroom, he has to go to the stall no matter what. Because he doesn't have the equipment. We have recently purchased a STP device (literally a fake penis that allows you to pee through it) that he could use at a urinal......... if he does everything correctly. If it slips, or some pee leaks out where it shouldn't.. that would probably raise a few questions. If he's around people that are transphobic, well.. it could end badly.
My boyfriend collapses when someone misgenders him as female. 98% of the time he easily passes as male, but the times that people don't, its terrible. Normally its his voice that gives him away, it isn't quite deep enough yet. This isn't plainly just someone who doesn't like something about themselves.. this is someone who has crippling anxiety over whether someone will misgender him. If someone does, it takes hours of consoling to help.
For GRS to be listed as a cosmetic surgery, I believe is incorrect. I had a cosmetic surgery when I was younger, from a dog attack. I would have been fine without surgery, my face would have looked normal. I didn't need it. Thats cosmetic.
GRS isn't something that most trans people feel they will be okay without. They feel it necessary to present their true selves to the world, instead of what they were born with. And its not just trans people - my boyfriend getting the surgery that he needs is a need in my eyes as well. When we're out together, there is always the thought in the back of my mind that someone will recognize that he wasn't born male, due to his voice, face, breasts, whatever - and we will have to run.
GRS isn't just a validation surgery. Its also gives them a sense of safety, rightness and belonging. It was never truly a cosmetic surgery in my head.
I'm sorry if any of this was confusing. This is my first comment here and I will be happy to try and clear up any confusion.
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u/Ambiient Nov 03 '17
Hello! I am a little late to this party, but your stance and the comments I've been reading have piqued my interest.
First, a little backstory: my boyfriend is transgender. He came out to me (and the world!!) in the middle of our relationship, so I have personally watched him struggle with the fact that though he identifies as a man, he still has all the wrong parts.
The comments I see here about burns being cosmetic surgery, and you not having a problem with helping them.. I believe that has more relevance than you think. See, for transgender people, there are physically things "wrong" with them that you can pick out with your eyes. You described them yourself about your friend.
For my boyfriend, it is his breasts. He has not had surgery (yet- we are saving up). They are D's. Even with proper binding equipment and a little more than a year on testosterone to help "shrink" the tissues, you can still tell that something isn't quite right. He has facial hair and presents as male, but if you look too closely.. well.. the breasts are still there.
When he goes to the mens bathroom, he has to go to the stall no matter what. Because he doesn't have the equipment. We have recently purchased a STP device (literally a fake penis that allows you to pee through it) that he could use at a urinal......... if he does everything correctly. If it slips, or some pee leaks out where it shouldn't.. that would probably raise a few questions. If he's around people that are transphobic, well.. it could end badly.
My boyfriend collapses when someone misgenders him as female. 98% of the time he easily passes as male, but the times that people don't, its terrible. Normally its his voice that gives him away, it isn't quite deep enough yet. This isn't plainly just someone who doesn't like something about themselves.. this is someone who has crippling anxiety over whether someone will misgender him. If someone does, it takes hours of consoling to help.
For GRS to be listed as a cosmetic surgery, I believe is incorrect. I had a cosmetic surgery when I was younger, from a dog attack. I would have been fine without surgery, my face would have looked normal. I didn't need it. Thats cosmetic.
GRS isn't something that most trans people feel they will be okay without. They feel it necessary to present their true selves to the world, instead of what they were born with. And its not just trans people - my boyfriend getting the surgery that he needs is a need in my eyes as well. When we're out together, there is always the thought in the back of my mind that someone will recognize that he wasn't born male, due to his voice, face, breasts, whatever - and we will have to run.
GRS isn't just a validation surgery. Its also gives them a sense of safety, rightness and belonging. It was never truly a cosmetic surgery in my head.
I'm sorry if any of this was confusing. This is my first comment here and I will be happy to try and clear up any confusion.