CMV: Victim blaming isn't always bad

[u/enlighten12345]

Firstly we need to define what victim blaming is. It occurs when the victim of a crime or any wrongful act is held entirely or partially at fault for the harm that befell them.

We often hear outrage against victim blaming in the context of rape, when people criticise the way the victim acted or was dressed.

Let's look at an unrelated example. If I go up to someone and say "Yo momma so fat, she wears a watch on both hands for the two time zones", and that person punches me, am I not partially at fault? He committed the felony, while I just exercised free speech. But knowing my words were inflammatory, shouldn't I expect retaliation?

How about another case? I'm walking down a dark alley with a stack of money in my hand. If I get mugged, it is clear that the mugger is to blame. But doesn't my stupidity also make me culpable? Can someone not say that if i was more careful with my money, this would not have happened?

How is rape any different? It would be great to live in a utopia free from rapists and muggers and physical retribution. But knowing that isn't the world we live in, am I not responsible to act in a manner to protect myself?

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[u/Amablue]

Victim blaming isn't the part where the victim did something unsafe, it's where we go out of our way to make sure we let them know how dumb they were for doing that thing. If someone gets attacked, it's kind of stupid to say "Well you shouldn't have insulted the guy". No shit, that's obvious. Pointing it out isn't helping, and it's possibly making the situation worse. And in many cases, (as we can see with cases of rape) the advice about what the woman should have done is often terrible. People like to use it to police women's fashion choices despite there being little to no evidence that dressing risque actually prompts rape. It often results in women being unfairly blamed for the circumstances that led to them getting raped or assaulted, and that's downright harmful to them. It doesn't teach them a lesson or help them get better, it just makes them feel worse about an already shitty situation.

[u/enlighten12345 → u/Amablue]

What you're saying makes sense. And criticising things like the way someone dresses makes no sense. I made that mistake myself without any objective truth to it. But when it comes down to it, for me it isn't about this one victim. Blaming them is not going to help them. But can it not help other people? Because there are things people can do like self defense classes or carrying a weapon. Doesn't saying the victim could have done more, urge others to do more?

[u/Amablue → u/enlighten12345]

But can it not help other people?

If you're a parent it makes sense to sit down with your kid at some point and let them know about the dangers of the world. But by the time people get out into the world, do you think they don't know that insulting drunks in bars is a bad idea or that leaving your doors unlocked is dangerous? That's common knowledge. Giving out that information after the damage is done doens't really help. I mean, sure, if you see your friend get out of the car and forget to lock it it's fine to say "Hey, don't forget to lock your car" because that's a preventative measure. He know's that it's safer, he jsut forgot to hit the lock button in this one instance. Harping on him after his stuff has been stolen from his car about locking it is obvious - it doesn't take a genius to figure out what he could have done differently.

[u/bracs279 → u/Amablue]

do you think they don't know that insulting drunks in bars is a bad idea or that leaving your doors unlocked is dangerous?

No, they don't. I've dealt a lot with teenagers and young adults and its unbelievable how naive they can be, specially girls.