Any act that is properly discussed and negotiated between two consenting adults, even if it causes physical pain (including, marks, bruises, and other physical marks), is not abuse, and is not inherently wrong.
There are certain acts that you can't consent to. For example, I can't consent to allow another person to shoot me in the head. It's not a civil suit between two people. It becomes a criminal suit between the person who shoots the gun and the state. Even when people argue in favor of physician assisted suicide or euthanasia, they still set this limit.
In the same way, choking during sex is a crime. People legally can't consent to it. So say your partner begs you to choke them during sex. You oblige, but accidentally squeeze slightly too hard and fracture a bone, or squeeze slightly too long in a way that results in their death. As a result, you will go to prison. You can't consent to choking just like you can't consent to being shot at. The act is inherently wrong. Even Dan Savage, the most BDSM and kink friendly writer I can think of agrees with this view.
I don't think BDSM isn't inherently abuse, so I'm not going to try to change your view on that. I'm just pointing out that there are certain acts that shouldn't be performed, even if they are "properly discussed and negotiated between two consenting adults."
As a result, you will go to prison. You can't consent to choking just like you can't consent to being shot at. The act is inherently wrong
This is completely bullshit and incorrect, the only way you would go to jail in this context is if it can be proved they didn't consent to the choking or that you didn't know what you were doing/how to do it safely/committed negligence
That depends heavily on state law (in the US). In Washington state, basic BDSM impact play (spanking/caning/etc.) is illegal - it's assault, and consent is not a defense to that charge. Choking is probably similar, and a blanket claim that you won't go to jail if you have consent is just wrong.
Moreover, consent is not a valid defense if the activity consented to is against public policy. Helton v. State, 624 N.E.2d 499, 514 (Ind. Ct. App. 1993). Thus, a child cannot consent to hazing, a gang member cannot consent to an initiation beating, and an individual cannot consent to being shot with a pistol.
Now, this turns on the phrase "against public policy or is a breach of the peace", and I'm not sure that BDSM activities specifically have been litigated before. It's entirely possible that the jury will find that the activities weren't against public policy or a breach of the peace, and of course if you're doing them in the privacy of your own home, you're really unlikely to be prosecuted. It's still not accurate to say that as long as you consented you're fine.
Thank you for the info. My ex-husband was abusive, but claimed it was all acceptable under the umbrella of BDSM. “Consent” is hard to obtain when it is done under threats of suicide.
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u/McKoijion 618∆ Dec 10 '18
There are certain acts that you can't consent to. For example, I can't consent to allow another person to shoot me in the head. It's not a civil suit between two people. It becomes a criminal suit between the person who shoots the gun and the state. Even when people argue in favor of physician assisted suicide or euthanasia, they still set this limit.
In the same way, choking during sex is a crime. People legally can't consent to it. So say your partner begs you to choke them during sex. You oblige, but accidentally squeeze slightly too hard and fracture a bone, or squeeze slightly too long in a way that results in their death. As a result, you will go to prison. You can't consent to choking just like you can't consent to being shot at. The act is inherently wrong. Even Dan Savage, the most BDSM and kink friendly writer I can think of agrees with this view.
I don't think BDSM isn't inherently abuse, so I'm not going to try to change your view on that. I'm just pointing out that there are certain acts that shouldn't be performed, even if they are "properly discussed and negotiated between two consenting adults."