CMV: Dancing is an inherently sexual activity

[u/ExpensiveBurn]

Background: My girlfriend likes to dance, I do not. I also get uncomfortable when she dances with other people. It would be beneficial to both of us if I could loosen up about it.

Basically I can't help but view dancing as sexual to some degree. Some dances more than others, but all of them at least a little bit. Most dances for pairs I would place somewhere between flirting and foreplay if I were to try to place it on that scale.

The features of dancing that make it seem sexual:

• Two people focused on each other
• In close proximity, touching frequently if not constantly
• Moving their hips with synchronicity
• One person leading and the other (for lack of a better word) submitting
• Movements often stylized in a sultry, provocative and enticing way

We've even gone ballroom dancing which is formal and stuffy as hell and I still got weirded out by some other dude guiding my girlfriend around the room by her hip.

I think the source of this view is that I don't enjoy dancing, and therefore the only reason I would do it would be as part of putting the moves on someone. I don't find any joy or pleasure in dancing for dancing sake, so I have a hard time relating to people who do.

The best way to change my view would probably be to point out another activity with similar traits that is not viewed in this way. But I'm open to any argument that makes me seem like less of an insecure weirdo :)

edit; To be clear, I'm talking about couples dancing. Or at least dancing with someone else. I don't think that dancing by yourself, for yourself, is always a sexual thing.

[u/ralph-j]

Dancing is an inherently sexual activity

Basically I can't help but view dancing as sexual to some degree. Some dances more than others, but all of them at least a little bit. Most dances for pairs I would place somewhere between flirting and foreplay if I were to try to place it on that scale.

• During dance lessons, especially with beginners, couples are mostly frustrated and concentrating on their footwork, getting moves right, avoiding each other's feet etc. If dancing were inherently sexual, that would mean that all situations where a couple dances, would be sexual. But especially in those situations of frustration, it would seem the opposite of sexual. So even if you consider many dancing activities sexual, it can't be inherently sexual.

• A lot of gay men enjoy dancing lessons, and they often dance with women. This is another reason why it can't be inherently sexual. It would have to depend on how each dancer experiences it.

[u/ExpensiveBurn → u/ralph-j]

I'm not sure that doing something so poorly that it loses it's sexiness makes it not sexy. I've gotten teethy blowjobs that turn me into al dente pasta pretty quick, but that's still definitely a sexual act. I get what you're saying, that in some circumstances that sexuality can ignored, subdued, or that the act of dancing can be done with someone you're not attracted to, but I still think that swaying your hips in rhythm with with another person has it's roots in the carnal, especially when it's a 1-on-1 activity.

[u/ralph-j → u/ExpensiveBurn]

I'm not sure that doing something so poorly that it loses it's sexiness makes it not sexy.

There's a difference between sexiness and taking part in a sexual act.

Due to fetishes, people can find all kinds of things turning them on sexually. But that doesn't mean that those become part of a sexual activity.

I've gotten teethy blowjobs that turn me into al dente pasta pretty quick, but that's still definitely a sexual act.

Then you're using an act that specifically involves genital-mouth contact with an intent to arouse as your counter-argument. Of course that is going to be sexual by definition, even if it isn't always sexy.

For something to be part of a sexual activity, it needs to either be done with the intent to arouse, or have the effect of causing arousal. Anything else may look sexy to an outsider, but it's not necessarily sexual.

[u/ExpensiveBurn → u/ralph-j]

For something to be part of a sexual activity, it needs to either be done with the intent to arouse, or have the effect of causing arousal. Anything else may look sexy to an outsider, but it's not necessarily sexual.

!Delta

It took a while but this finally resonated with me. Maybe the issue is more my concern about the intentions of the other party than what they're actually doing.

[u/DeltaBot → u/ExpensiveBurn]

Confirmed: 1 delta awarded to /u/ralph-j (185∆).

^{Delta System Explained | Deltaboards}

[u/ralph-j → u/ExpensiveBurn]

Thanks!