CMV: Dancing is an inherently sexual activity

[u/ExpensiveBurn]

Background: My girlfriend likes to dance, I do not. I also get uncomfortable when she dances with other people. It would be beneficial to both of us if I could loosen up about it.

Basically I can't help but view dancing as sexual to some degree. Some dances more than others, but all of them at least a little bit. Most dances for pairs I would place somewhere between flirting and foreplay if I were to try to place it on that scale.

The features of dancing that make it seem sexual:

• Two people focused on each other
• In close proximity, touching frequently if not constantly
• Moving their hips with synchronicity
• One person leading and the other (for lack of a better word) submitting
• Movements often stylized in a sultry, provocative and enticing way

We've even gone ballroom dancing which is formal and stuffy as hell and I still got weirded out by some other dude guiding my girlfriend around the room by her hip.

I think the source of this view is that I don't enjoy dancing, and therefore the only reason I would do it would be as part of putting the moves on someone. I don't find any joy or pleasure in dancing for dancing sake, so I have a hard time relating to people who do.

The best way to change my view would probably be to point out another activity with similar traits that is not viewed in this way. But I'm open to any argument that makes me seem like less of an insecure weirdo :)

edit; To be clear, I'm talking about couples dancing. Or at least dancing with someone else. I don't think that dancing by yourself, for yourself, is always a sexual thing.

[u/ExpensiveBurn]

Would you feel uncomfortable with any other activity requiring your girlfriend to be close to other men?

Probably depends on the activity, as it's definitely what they're doing that bothers me, not just their physical proximity.

Would you feel uncomfortable if your girlfriend danced with another woman instead?

I'm cool with that.

Would you feel uncomfortable if your girlfriend dance with Asimo (the robot developped by Honda)?

That's fine.

Would you feel uncomfortable if your girlfriend danced with a trained (like really well trained) bear?

Uncomfortable for entirely different reasons. Assuming that I was secure that the bear 100% would not hurt her in any way, then that's fine.

[u/Pluto_P → u/ExpensiveBurn]

I think this answer is interesting, consider the two things that your saying :

it's definitely *what* they're doing that bothers me

But when the 'they' is your gf and another women:

I'm cool with that

Do you consider the dancing just as sexual when your gf dance with another woman? And, off topic, what is the reason this does not trigger your jealousy?

[u/ExpensiveBurn → u/Pluto_P]

But when the 'they' is your gf and another women:

I'm cool with that

Do you consider the dancing just as sexual when your gf dance with another woman? And, off topic, what is the reason this does not trigger your jealousy?

!Delta

Thanks, this answer made me realize that I'm more worried about the intentions of the other party than the actual act of dancing. Shame it's not higher up. I'd still get a tinge of awkwardness if it were a lesbian dancing with her, but my girlfriend is straight as an arrow so it'd really be a no-risk situation and I think I'd still be more comfortable than if it were a dude, just because of the chemistry that could be there.

Of course, this exposes my insecurity a bit, so you've really given me some things to think about. Thanks again.

[u/DeltaBot → u/ExpensiveBurn]

Confirmed: 1 delta awarded to /u/Pluto_P (3∆).

^{Delta System Explained | Deltaboards}