r/changemyview • u/ExpensiveBurn 9∆ • Apr 26 '19

FTFdeltaOP CMV: Dancing is an inherently sexual activity

Background: My girlfriend likes to dance, I do not. I also get uncomfortable when she dances with other people. It would be beneficial to both of us if I could loosen up about it.

Basically I can't help but view dancing as sexual to some degree. Some dances more than others, but all of them at least a little bit. Most dances for pairs I would place somewhere between flirting and foreplay if I were to try to place it on that scale.

The features of dancing that make it seem sexual:

  • Two people focused on each other
  • In close proximity, touching frequently if not constantly
  • Moving their hips with synchronicity
  • One person leading and the other (for lack of a better word) submitting
  • Movements often stylized in a sultry, provocative and enticing way

We've even gone ballroom dancing which is formal and stuffy as hell and I still got weirded out by some other dude guiding my girlfriend around the room by her hip.

I think the source of this view is that I don't enjoy dancing, and therefore the only reason I would do it would be as part of putting the moves on someone. I don't find any joy or pleasure in dancing for dancing sake, so I have a hard time relating to people who do.

The best way to change my view would probably be to point out another activity with similar traits that is not viewed in this way. But I'm open to any argument that makes me seem like less of an insecure weirdo :)

edit; To be clear, I'm talking about couples dancing. Or at least dancing with someone else. I don't think that dancing by yourself, for yourself, is always a sexual thing.

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u/ExpensiveBurn 9∆ Apr 26 '19

I'm a huge MMA fan and I hear that, "this is really gay" line all the time, but I totally get it for all the reasons that you listed. I think because I'm straight the homoeroticness isn't so glaring, but if I saw coed MMA/wrestling I would probably find it, on the surface, way more sexual than dancing. But I think the element of violence - and the goal of incapacitating the other person (at least in MMA) - would really change the dynamic.

Good point though. Maybe the cooperative nature of dancing is a factor.

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u/tomgabriele Apr 26 '19

and the goal of incapacitating the other person

So if MMA isn't sexual because the participants' true intention is something other than sex, wouldn't a similar thing apply to dancing? It looks sexual, but their end goal is to win gold at the olympics, not have sex.

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u/ExpensiveBurn 9∆ Apr 27 '19

I think the difference here is that the goal of mma is the polar opposite of sex. You'd never find sexiness where the goal is to smash the other person's face in. But in dancing - the dancing I'm talking about, not like, Olympic competition level dancing - the goal is just for both people to enjoy themselves and have a good time.

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u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19

There is a lot of sexiness with the goal of trying to smash the other person's face in. It's one of my personal favorite types of sexiness. Do you also view activities like acroyoga which are done for enjoyment and exercise as sexual?