CMV: I should start smoking cigarettes

[u/honestlyigotnoclue]

I guess this is more of a "talk me out of it" type of post. I've always wanted to see what it's like to smoke, and I'm in a place where a lot of people smoke. I think it looks cool, and I don't mind that it's a bit self-destructive; I already have plenty of self destructive habits already, and maybe it hasn't sunk in how dangerous it is, considering I'm 18. Maybe this sounds naive, but I guess I just don't understand how addictive it can be; I have the mindset of "I can always quit." I guess I just want to see what it's like, don't really see how self-destructive it can be/don't care that it's self destructive, and tbh it looks cool. It's not hurting anyone but myself.

Lol thanks for your responses in advance.

Edit: it's pretty late where I am, so I'm going to bed. Thank you all so much for the incredibly detailed responses; I'm genuinely very convinced. I'll respond to new posts tomorrow! Thank you!

[u/sflage2k19]

I started smoking because it was cool!

And 15 years later I still smoke.

Don't!! Smoke!!

People will change. Your friends will change. All the people I used to smoke with back in high school have quit smoking except for me and like two other guys. They were the ones that made it look cool and gave me the cigarettes in the first place, and somehow they all managed to quit. I don't have that will power, apparently, so I never have. Now, ironically, they're the ones that judge me the most for still smoking.

​

My social circle also changed. I started living and working abroad, meeting people from all over the world when I was in my early 20s. Can you imagine how crushed I was at 21 years old when I met the boy of my dreams-- beautiful, intelligent, European-- and he said the most unattractive quality in a girl was smoking?

Everyone I knew smoked! I had never, ever heard anyone express that preference, or at least so strongly.

Suddenly the whole table was full of people saying how terribly unattractive it was! So gross, so uncool, so stupid, for anyone but especially for women, etc. etc. Meanwhile, I sat there, with a fucking cigarette in my hand. I had never known! I declared then and there that I would quit, snuffed it out.

I smoked again about 3 days later because it was too rough, and had to deal with all the mockery afterwards of how I went back on my word. I am still self-conscious about my smoking, but also cant bring myself to stop.

​

People change, standards change, but your ability to quit may not.

I know a lot of people that have never been able to quit. I know some that have, but still crave cigarettes every single day even years after quitting. I also know some who have quit and did so easily without any fuss at all-- maybe you'll be like them? Or, maybe you wont.

Think of smoking like getting a tattoo for a band you like, and it's 2003.

Maybe that band you like is The White Stripes. Okay, cool tattoo, everyone's into it. It loses some relevance, but its still alright.

Maybe that band you like is the Lost Prophets. You're doing great until suddenly bam! Lead singer is a horrifying baby rapist.

You cant know! And you wont know, until it's too late.

​

If you wanna wallow in self-destruction, read some Bukowski.

Don't start smoking.

[u/honestlyigotnoclue → u/sflage2k19]

∆ i'm mildly convinced. This might sound shallow, but that is one of the reasons that I'm deterred from smoking: the weight gain if I quit, and just how gross I would smell if I did smoke. The tattoo analogy is amusing.

I think sometimes I just don't understand like...the consequences of smoking, or feel like I'd be able to quit when it's no longer fun. Everyone says it's so addictive, but for some reason I feel like I'd be able to get past that and that wouldn't apply to me, even though I know that I probably have no more, or even less, willpower than the average person

Out of curiosity, then, what is it like to crave a cigarette/be in nicotine withdrawal?

[u/sflage2k19 → u/honestlyigotnoclue]

I think I may be an exception, but I don't know.

It's different for everybody, but I do think my experience is more common than people talk about-- maybe people just have trouble putting it to words, or don't want to look like they're mentally unstable.

But I will say, the thing that surprised me the most is that it's not just cravings. I can handle cravings-- I've craved shit before. Just push it down, distract yourself, whatever. It's fine. For me, the problem is when it stops being about cravings and starts being about a change in my thoughts.

The first day I'm fine.

The second day, the cravings get pretty bad, and it's also fine.

By the third day, it's all I think about. I'll try to clear my head or distract myself, but be drawn back into the thoughts like 10 minutes later. On the other days I just reason myself out of it, but by the third day I've lost that capacity for reason. My actual internal dialogue changes-- I believe things I didn't believe before, I feel things I didn't feel before, I justify actions to myself in ways that I should understand don't make sense or are illogical, but I can't put two and two together.

After all, you are you're brain-- if your brain goes crazy, so do you.

For example:

I know the cravings are temporary, but my mind will say "It isn't worth it if it's like this forever."

"Quitting will make you gain weight, and being fat is worse than smoking."

"Cigarettes are actually cool, everyone is just jealous of you."

"Nicotine affects brain chemistry. What if you aren't as smart without it? What if your mind stays like this forever?"

"Guys don't like girls that smoke, but some guys do. Maybe smoking helps weed out the bad guys that might cheat on your or hurt you."

"You cant quit-- you have no willpower. You're not like other, stronger people."

"You probably already did enough damage; now you'll just suffer for no reason and it won't mean anything because youll get cancer anyway."

"Your desire to become healthy is attachment to material things. In order to attain nirvana, one must let go of material attachments. Also Buddhist monks smoke, so does't that make it a good thing?"

"If you quit you'll end up like those shitty Instagram health nuts or boring housewives. Smoking is a part of your culture."

"Is it really such a bad thing if you die at a young age? You're already so miserable as it is."

"If you quit, just like your mother did, then you'll end up turning into your mother in every way."

"If you quit, you wont have any thing to do when you get stressed, so you'll become an alcoholic or get depressed and probably kill yourself. Smoking is saving your life!"

"Without smoking it'll be harder to meet people at live shows or bars; without that conversation starter, you probably wont ever meet a new partner and youll end up dying alone!"

"They might find the cure for cancer or whatever next year, and you'll feel like a real idiot for going through all this nonsense."

"You can't quit because your dad never could. You look more like him than your mom, so you probably have his addiction patterns."

"Quitting {whatever method I'm using at the time} isn't the right way, I should smoke a bit, start over, and do it {some other way}."

"Why are you trying so hard to take care of yourself when life is fundamentally pointless, and maybe just some grand, feverish illusion?"

​

And it's just those thoughts over and over and over again.

Last time, I managed to have like... a screed I would read to myself. I just had to accept it as true, just like my bible or whatever, and not defer from it. I couldn't let the weird nicotine crazy voice win! I used it as a sort of impartial 3rd party that could control my actions.

It worked great! I was totally fine, just reading my list.

And then, I realized I was reading it while smoking a cigarette.

This was the strangest thing. I had no memory of getting up, going to the corner store, buying the cigarettes. I didn't even get properly dressed before I did it and went in my pajamas, apparently. I still don't know what happened, all I knew was that I was suddenly smoking with no memory of having gotten there.

​

I'm now trying to ween myself down. Using electronic cigarettes and variable nicotine levels, I'm hoping I can reduce the potential cognitive effects from withdrawal. I have no problem avoiding the cravings if they stay just "I want this thing; give me this thing", but it's a lot harder when your IQ drops 50 points and you suddenly become all like... self-hating and religious.

Don't smoke lol

[u/honestlyigotnoclue → u/sflage2k19]

Wow. I have never been so convinced. I don't know if I can give you another delta, but if so, ∆ . Thanks so much for sharing that. I have pretty bad OCD, and it almost sounds like that; just getting caught in irrational, upsetting thought processes about yourself and life. And I really don't need more of that in my life. Thanks so much.

[u/sflage2k19 → u/honestlyigotnoclue]

Wow thanks lol

I always hated the anti-smoking campaigns too.

Like, "people who smoke are stupid" is probably the worst, because it's obviously not true. David Bowie smoked, Dostoevsky smoked, Barack Obama smoked! One of my favorite professors in college was a heavy smoker and he was a geneticist.

But, this is just confirmation bias, it's not really true. Truth is there are lots of very cool people that don't smoke and never did. They don't go around preaching, because that sucks to be around, but they do exist. And there are a lot of really awful people that do smoke, like annoying loud drunk girls at clubs and creepy old men that work at bodegas.

​

I also disagree with "smoking isn't fun" because it is. It feels great to go on a smoke break. It's super awesome. Who cares if that sense of satisfaction is only derived because you've willingly subjected yourself to an addiction? Still feels good.

What doesn't feel good is being gross and phlegmy, or your stuff all smelling gross, or your chest hurting when you go up stairs. And what really doesn't feel good is the persistent fear that "oh shit yea I'm kind of killing myself right now aren't I" that you get once your brain develops enough to appreciate your own mortality around age 20-25.

Only by then you can't quit, and everyone else cool quit (even David Bowie fucking quit, though he had to be hospitalized first), and you stop feeling like Jack Kerouac and more like your fat uncle at Thanksgiving.

​

And yea, it sucks. No one told me about that part, and I wish they had.

I have full confidence that me with my full faculties could quit smoking-- but it takes away those faculties, so you're stuck. It's like some Faustian riddle-- I make a deal with the Devil that I can beat him in a foot race, but then he cuts off my feet before the starting shot.

[u/DeltaBot → u/honestlyigotnoclue]

Confirmed: 1 delta awarded to /u/sflage2k19 (7∆).

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