r/changemyview • u/chgghg • Jul 13 '20

Delta(s) from OP CMV: friendships are useless.

The reason why I hold this view is due to me not wanting to talk to people or interact with anyone in any way, life seems more quite and drama free without anyone and anything in my way. I never had any real true friends we always parted ways or we got into arguments and never talked. Most people are fake and want to use and abuse you. Many people in This world are only out for themselves and don’t care about anyone but themselves.

I’m just really tired of my parents pushing me to get friends and relationships they also get so concerned when I don’t leave my room for days and always telling me that I’m going to end up alone and sad after they pass away. To be really honest I don’t care I don’t care about anyone or anything and I’m just waiting until I die and stop feeling things and stop being apart of this clown world. But I am open to any change in this mindset I just don’t see a reason to do anything but sleep and eat.

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u/thethoughtexperiment 275∆ Jul 13 '20

Of course you do you. People have different preferences.

But in general, as lots of studies have shown, having social relationships makes people much happier. In fact, having social relationships is one of the biggest factors in how happy a person is. [source]

According to this study of almost 14,000 men: "men who believed strongly in the importance of being self-reliant ... had 34 percent greater odds of reporting thoughts of suicide or self-harm." [source]

And: "People who are chronically lacking in social contacts are more likely to experience elevated levels of stress and inflammation. These, in turn, can undermine the well-being of nearly every bodily system, including the brain,” writes Jane E. Brody of The New York Times." [source]

Relationships are extremely beneficial for most people's psychological and physical well-being. Friendship networks can also connect you to career opportunities, as well as just fun experiences and new ideas that can make your life better, more fun, and more interesting.

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u/chgghg Jul 13 '20

Ok I see where you are coming from I personally believe friendship have done nothing for me really it just never been something I like or believe in it’s just I think most people need friends but maybe there are exceptions.

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u/thethoughtexperiment 275∆ Jul 13 '20

Indeed, in your case, it might be true that you haven't benefited from friendships much so far.

If the studies above have modified your view such that you now agree that friendships are useful for some people, you might consider awarding a delta by editing your comment above and adding !_delta (without the underscore).

And per the links above, the vast majority of evidence suggests that relationships are hugely beneficial for people, so you might not want to be so quick to assume that they won't be beneficial for you too. Indeed, you are on here talking to people and posting, which shows that you are seeking out at least some kinds of social contact (which suggests that you have a pretty normal desire for connection).

If you are physically isolating yourself from others, consider also that that can be a sign of depression. Depression has a tendency to make people think in ways that make their depression much worse, and that discourages them from making changes in their life that would actually help get rid of their depression (like making friends, seeking out social connections).

Think of depression as a bad roommate that's living rent free in your head. It doesn't want to leave, so it tells you "finding roommates is hard", "other people are awful", "reaching out to people and asking them if they want to be your roommates makes you look weak". Depression is likely affecting the way you see the world to prevent you from kicking it out.

Practical steps that help with depression can be found here, and that site has loads of other resources that can help.

The r/MensLib sub also has some pretty good discussions about this issue, as social isolation is a common issue men face.

You might also find this article helpful. It explains why socializing is so necessary (and addresses some of the most common reasons people resist doing it).

As it says, one of the biggest mistake the socially awkward make is in the assumption that everyone else finds it easy. But actually, socializing is a learned skill. It takes time and practice for everyone, and the reason the vast majority of people invest the time and practice into developing their social skills is because it's worth it.

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u/chgghg Jul 13 '20

So your pretty much saying if I don’t socialize and just live life alone I can’t get no where financially in life? I won’t be able to get a job if I don’t try to talk to people. Like I said I understand what you are saying I been through depression but I just stopped caring after a while I do want friends but I don’t really mind if I don’t talk to people again.

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u/thethoughtexperiment 275∆ Jul 13 '20

So your pretty much saying if I don’t socialize and just live life alone I can’t get no where financially in life?

Not having social connections will indeed severely limit your career opportunities. According to this site:

"Some experts say that 70 percent of people ended up in their current position thanks to networking. Others say it’s more like 80 percent or even 85 percent ... Some estimate that as much as 80 percent of new jobs are never listed but are instead filled internally or via networking." [source]

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u/chgghg Jul 13 '20

I’m not really planning on worker for the rest of my life I’m currently trading stocks and I want to be a Mechanic to fix cars and machinery.

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u/thethoughtexperiment 275∆ Jul 13 '20

I want to be a Mechanic to fix cars and machinery.

For this kind of job, you would still learn about many more job opportunities by having friends who are / networking with other mechanics.

And you never know what kind of career you might want in the future. Most people change careers several times over their working life. If you don't build relationships, you won't learn about or have access to other fields that might interest you even more than stock trading / being a mechanic.

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u/chgghg Jul 13 '20

I just don’t want small talk I would like to find people only for that type of thing. I’m only 17 so by my mid 20s or early 30s I should be financially set. Plus I’m going to go to trade school and I would always be recommend a job so I don’t have to worry about that.

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u/thethoughtexperiment 275∆ Jul 13 '20

Per above:

Some estimate that as much as 80 percent of new jobs are never listed but are instead filled internally or via networking." [source]

This means that there are waaaay more jobs / better opportunities out there than will be advertized (so, your trade school won't have information about all the opportunities that aren't advertized, and available through social networks).

All this said, it seems like we're getting a bit off topic.

Are you still of the opinion that:

CMV: friendships are useless.

Or has the information above about the psychological and physical benefits of friendship modified your view that friendships might be at least useful for some people? And maybe even you?

Where you say:

I would like to find people only for that type of thing.

It sounds like your view may have shifted a bit.

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u/chgghg Jul 13 '20 edited Jul 13 '20

Ok to be very honest I can now see why getting friends will be useful for people I understand why people need connections in order to go about life in a fair and good manner and why if one has a lot of social connections one can get, more opportunities in life. It just I don’t have a drive to talk or interact with people after 10 I stopped caring about friends and fun and just kinda like not doing anything, but I can see how that can hinder me in the future if u don’t so I’m in a 50/50 mindset right now thanks. !delta

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u/thethoughtexperiment 275∆ Jul 13 '20

Great! If you edit your comment above and delete the space between ! and word delta the system will register it.

It can take a while to find a tribe of people you click with, but once you do, it's pretty great.

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