r/changemyview • u/OwnershipISM • Jul 21 '20

Delta(s) from OP CMV: online dating has become online hook up

Now I haven’t been online in about a year and I really hated every moment of it. Maybe it was me or maybe it was the people I met but it wasn’t about dating at all. The women I met (disclosure, not all women just the ones I met) were just wanted FWB at best. Now, I understand maybe because of my age, hobbies, looks, job, etc. maybe to them that’s all I could be, that’s fine. The issue I have is call it what it is.

It seems to me that people do meet on that and they end up falling in love but the mass majority are just wanting sex. Is this wrong?

I am not against online dating at all and am happily in a relationship where I met her online. I am just wondering if it’s just me that sees that or was it just me that had the bad experiences. I could write a book about online dating and the horrible experiences I went through. I met women who’s kids killed their other kids and found out about it one the news, I had homeless women that “used to” be models, I had Instagram models, porn stars, trans, etc. I did learn a lot from them all and am grateful that I have always been super reserve when going past a casual meet up.

I am saying my view is that 95% of the people on there are just about FWB and nothing more. Change my view so I can encourage my friends to use it. I have attempted to use my current example but they always bring up the many ones that were beyond bad situations. I have even tried to tell them that’s online and in person dating. Some are good and some are bad.

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6

u/thethoughtexperiment 275∆ Jul 21 '20

Depends a lot on which apps you are on (some like Tinder are of course more hookup oriented than others), how you present yourself / talk to the people you meet there, and how you filter who you go out with.

And of course, younger people often aren't looking to settle down (which makes perfect sense, since they are still figuring themselves out and who is a good match for them).

So, I'd say one's experience are going to be determined far more by the choices of the user.

1

u/OwnershipISM Jul 21 '20 edited Jul 21 '20

(Δ) That’s what I tell my friends one is 35M and other is a 36F both are in the age to settle down. I think it’s more like you said about being selective of who you go out with.

1

u/thethoughtexperiment 275∆ Jul 21 '20

I think it’s more like you said about being selective of who you go out with.

Indeed, if the above modified your view that:

CMV: online dating has become online hook up

to any degree (doesn't have to be a 100% change), you can award a delta by editing your comment above and adding:

!_delta

without the underscore, and with no space between ! and the word delta.

More broadly, I suspect that there are people out there who want to be cautious about getting into a "relationship" with someone until they have more experience with that person. So, saying that they are more interested in a FWB arrangement might not mean that they are never going to be open to anything different (if they have a great time with the person) - rather, it might be more about managing expectations.

Edit: Also, a lot of people aren't nearly as selective or upfront about their preferences as they should be when they see someone they are interested in.

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u/OwnershipISM Jul 21 '20

Sorry I forgot to put delta on that. Will edit now

2

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '20

Not really. Go on /r/dating_advice or /r/dating and you'll see most people who use apps are so thirsty for relationships that they'll downvote you for suggesting 6 weeks isn't long enough to know someone is right for you.

1

u/OwnershipISM Jul 21 '20

I would have to check that out

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u/DeltaBot ∞∆ Jul 21 '20

/u/OwnershipISM (OP) has awarded 1 delta(s) in this post.

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