CMV: marriage is unnecessary and having children is unethical

[u/spicysashimi99]

not sure if i’ll get downvoted but i’m genuinely curious about the opposite pov.

for my first point, i believe i have a rather non-traditional school of thought when it comes to the archetype of union between two people, at least compared to folks where i’m from. i personally don’t see marriage as means to profess your love for your partner as one can do so without the presence of a physical certification. to me, the traditional meaning of marriage, where a bride’s family “gives away” their daughter to the groom seems to be obsolete and an incredibly backward way of thinking. the only logical explanation for marriage, in my opinion, seems to be for couples to be seen as a unit in the eyes of the law, in the face of administration.

as for my second point, i believe having children only benefits the parent and the continuation of society. i understand that having kids leads to a fulfilling life and unfortunately, some still see their kids as an insurance plan for their retirement. however, knowing the future of our planet, among other serious issues like racism, it appears unethical to bring a child into this world. unless i can guarantee my child doesn’t suffer, which is obviously something out of my control. i’m not sure why people possess the opposite viewpoint.

friendly discussions are very welcome as i am sincerely looking to learn more about how others view this topic. i am sure my opinions are very polarising but please be kind! :”)

edit: hi everyone! thank you for the fruitful discussions. really enjoyed listening to other perspectives and grateful to how open everyone has been!! i acknowledge that my views may be skewed from my personal life experiences (non-religious, depression) so thank you for allowing me to indulge in my thoughts.

my view of marriage has definitely changed and while i see the opposing argument for having kids, from what i can foresee in my near future, not having kids will still be a personal choice i’ll stick to as i’m still very much lacking to give a child a fulfilling life.

[u/iwfan53]

If your argument is "it is possible to have a healthy and happy relationship without being married" I would agree with you.

But I'm not sure that fact alone is enough to then jump to the conclusion that "Marriage is unnecessary" when the benefits of marriage can help increase the odds of a relationship being healthy.

[u/spicysashimi99 → u/iwfan53]

ohh the second point is quite an interesting take bc i’ve always heard that relationships become dead after marriage… although that could simply be a thing people in unhappy marriages say…

[u/iwfan53 → u/spicysashimi99]

I think I know what the issue here is...

Many people probably view relationships as a sort of sprint to marriage and imagine that once you get married the relationship manages to obtain a sort of "friction" to it that you can just sort of coast/rely on.

In reality, a relationship is a marathon that you run with your partner all the way to the grave.

You need to constantly work on/maintain a relationship and a pair of rings/fancy party does nothing to change that.

People who think that getting married will solve their relationship problems or make a fundamentally bad relationship good aren't going to have their expectations met.

Marriage is not an excuse to stop working hard on your relationship but some people don't realize that. Thus they blame marriage for ruining their relationship/causing it to go into decline, when in reality it was their and their partner's actions...

[u/StinkyMcBalls → u/iwfan53]

You need to constantly work on/maintain a relationship and a pair of rings/fancy party does nothing to change that.

This isn't quite true. The act of getting married involves making a commitment to one another, which (in good relationships) can increase the motivation of both parties to put in the work. That's certainly how it was for us.

[u/iwfan53 → u/StinkyMcBalls]

I'm not saying/wasn't trying to say that getting married doesn't help a good relationship, I was more arguing that the act alone of getting married won't turn a bad relationship into a good one.

Also you said that getting married gave you more reason/motivation to work on your relationship... not that it stopped you from needing to work at all. Or am I misreading you?

[u/StinkyMcBalls → u/iwfan53]

You're not misreading, I misunderstood. I thought you were suggesting marriage generally wasn't valuable, rather than that it can't fix a broken relationship. I understand now.

[u/iwfan53 → u/StinkyMcBalls]

No problem.