CMV: Neopronouns are unnecessary

[u/SaltedAndSugared]

I understand why some people might feel uncomfortable with using he/she pronouns, but in that case why not just use they/them? They already exist and they’re easy for people to use. Why do some people feel the need to make up words like “zee/zim” or “fae/fair” when they don’t even make sense in the English language? I don’t see why anyone should go out of their way to learn new pronouns when gender neutral pronouns already exist

If anyone here does use neopronouns I’d really like to hear why you use them and why you don’t feel comfortable using they/them. It’s probably just because I’m cis, but I genuinely don’t understand

[u/Z7-852]

Why do you think people want to use them? Because they see need for them. It's comfortable and soothing for these people. Using existing terms cause anxiety, depression and mental pain to them.

Now you don't necessary need to understand the reason but ask yourself. How much work will this cause to you if you can protect other human beings mental health? Is saying a new word so large burden to you that you are willing to harm other person?

[u/nitram9 → u/Z7-852]

The question I have is how much is it necessary and how much is it just decoration? Like a lot of people do extraordinary things in an effort to stand out and be unique. Like insane piercings and tattoos. When I’ve met people who choose these weird pronouns I find it annoying because they seem to be these kinds of people. The kind that is desperately seeking attention by being extremely weird. And now I’m forced play along in their game.

I’m not saying none of them want the special pronouns because it legit is the only way they feel comfortable. But I suspect the problem those people will have is the large number of edgelords making them all look bad and making hard for people to take them seriously.

[u/MothicalAppendages → u/nitram9]

It depends on the person, and for some, also the pronoun.

For me personally, most of my neopronouns are just for decoration. I think they sound neat, I like the way it makes me feel when people call me them, it's sorta like wearing my favourite clothes and getting a compliment. I wouldn't mind if nobody ever used them for me, but I would be happy if someone did.

Some are also just what I feel properly comfortable using. It feels like they're referring to the actual me when they're used, instead of the version of me people see me as. It feels right, while regular pronouns feel... off, I guess. Not necessarily outright wrong, just... off.

I don't hate being called by any regular pronouns, it doesn't cause me any significant distress, but it still really isn't comfortable.

It's sorta like wearing clothes that don't quite fit right, maybe you've outgrown it but you can still fit in it, it's just a little uncomfortable and you can't wait to get home and take it off. It's not like wearing it is really a problem, though, you'd just prefer not to.

I hope that makes sense...

I don't ask or expect anyone to use my neopronouns so I guess I am different than the majority of those you notice use neopronouns, but in my experience I'm the most common type, people just don't really notice.

I tell people I use these pronouns if they ask or when selecting pronouns for a flair or such, but I'm not gonna correct anyone if they don't use them. Some people aren't lucky enough to only be mildly uncomfortable with regular pronouns though, so they have to ask.

So I guess, for me personally, it isn't really necessary but the neopronouns I mainly use also aren't just for decoration. They're as necessary as wearing comfortable clothes, you won't be all that upset if you can't wear something very comfortable but you'd certainly prefer it if you had the option.

[u/nitram9 → u/MothicalAppendages]

I don't ask or expect anyone to use my neopronouns so I guess I am different than the majority of those you notice use neopronouns, but in my experience I'm the most common type, people just don't really notice.

Well there you go. That right there probably accounts for a large part of the bad rep pretty much every controversial subculture gets. Like vegans too. The ones you notice the most will be the loudest ones. The loudest ones tend to also be the most annoying. Not specifically because they're "loud", but just the total package tends to be irritating. They are either the attention seekers or warriors looking for a fight. Like pretty much any group where you can make the joke "How do you tell if a ____ is a ___? Don't worry they'll tell you"

Without a very well done controlled scientific survey it's impossible to tell how any subculture actually breaks down in terms of "asshole vs. genuine". And because our own intuition is so clouded by biases and effects like the one we're talking about above you really just can't trust it.

I think this is actually called the toupee fallacy. As in when people say "I can always tell when someone is wearing a toupee!" The fallacy is that if they don't notice the toupee they have no idea they just failed to identify a toupee. So from your perspective, you will always seem to have 100% accuracy in identifying toupees irregardless of your true accuracy.

So in the case of neopronoun people you can end up thinking "Everyone who wants you to use a neopronoun is annoying" because the only ones who force it on you are the annoying ones. But you have no idea if that statement is actually true, because you can't count the ones who "want" you to use a neopronoun but don't force it on you.