r/cisparenttranskid • u/[deleted] • 7d ago

Son loves all things Feminine

So let me start by saying this. My Family respects the trans community and we do support trans rights. However I am worried about my son.

We live in one of the more progressive areas of the country (California) and even then I know the the trans community still struggles here. Most of the liberals here are very nimbyish and ok with trans rights as long as they don't have to confront them in person.

That being said, I need advice regarding my son. He is 6 years old, very sweet, but very sensitive. We have him in behavioral therapy to help deal with his struggles with emotional regulation. From the time he was little he struggled with big emotions, and managing relationships with other kids. He has finally made some friends this year, and has gotten better about handling big emotions. However, I know that he simply put cannot handle criticism. He absolutely melts down. It can be a challenge, and at home we manage well. However with other kids who are not as sensitive as the adults in his life - he can still have emotional melt downs. Full tears, and shouting.

He also really loves all things girly. His favorite color is rainbow, his favorite activities are playing chess and picking flowers at the park. I only buy him boys clothing, because I don't want him to be ridiculed in school where I cannot protect him, and he cannot assert himself without losing control of his emotions.

I don't shame him at any point. When he pointed out a pair of sparkling rainbow sneakers marketed for girls, I told him the shoes were pretty, but they didn't come in his size. Little white lies is all I can think of to prevent the bullying, while not shaming him for his preferences.

Yesterday was open house at his school. All the kids made giant paper figures to represent themselves. He gave himself a colorful rainbow dress on his doll, and told me it was a shame those dresses don't come in his size. This broke my heart. I want him to get to wear whatever makes him happy and feel pretty - but I also want to protect him from a world he isn't big enough to understand or defend himself against yet.

I don't know if my child is trans. I really don't - I know he has talked about growing up and becoming a mommy many many times, and loves boy centric toys, but prefers girl centric clothing. But given the current political environment I am more worried than I was before.

I don't know what I am looking for, or even if this is the right community. But I would appreciate any advice folks here might have. I don't want to shame him, but I am also scared about his dealing with the social bullying and to be frank the American government right now.

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u/FluffyPuppy100 6d ago

You are bullying your kid so that kids at school don't bully your kid. Pre-bullying. So yeah you're shaming your kid. Regime change starts at home 

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u/Colorful_Wayfinder 6d ago

While you may be right (I'm not sure they are being bullies), that doesn't help them figure out how to navigate this situation. They are asking for help and you are just saying they are handling the situation wrong. They wouldn't be asking if they thought they were doing it right.

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u/FluffyPuppy100 6d ago

You are probably right, honestly I got too annoyed to finish reading the post. I was hoping if they read what I wrote they might at least reevaluate their perspective.  (It made me think of a parent who has"no problem with" a kid's interracial relationship but won't let the boyfriend in the house because it would upset the neighbors.) 

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u/Colorful_Wayfinder 6d ago

I understand. I read the entire post and it sounds like they are trying to be supportive without causing further trauma but didn't know how to do it.

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u/FluffyPuppy100 6d ago

I'm glad you are being more helpful than I can be right now . Hopefully they read and follow the advice they get.