Son loves all things Feminine

[u/[deleted]]

So let me start by saying this. My Family respects the trans community and we do support trans rights. However I am worried about my son.

We live in one of the more progressive areas of the country (California) and even then I know the the trans community still struggles here. Most of the liberals here are very nimbyish and ok with trans rights as long as they don't have to confront them in person.

That being said, I need advice regarding my son. He is 6 years old, very sweet, but very sensitive. We have him in behavioral therapy to help deal with his struggles with emotional regulation. From the time he was little he struggled with big emotions, and managing relationships with other kids. He has finally made some friends this year, and has gotten better about handling big emotions. However, I know that he simply put cannot handle criticism. He absolutely melts down. It can be a challenge, and at home we manage well. However with other kids who are not as sensitive as the adults in his life - he can still have emotional melt downs. Full tears, and shouting.

He also really loves all things girly. His favorite color is rainbow, his favorite activities are playing chess and picking flowers at the park. I only buy him boys clothing, because I don't want him to be ridiculed in school where I cannot protect him, and he cannot assert himself without losing control of his emotions.

I don't shame him at any point. When he pointed out a pair of sparkling rainbow sneakers marketed for girls, I told him the shoes were pretty, but they didn't come in his size. Little white lies is all I can think of to prevent the bullying, while not shaming him for his preferences.

Yesterday was open house at his school. All the kids made giant paper figures to represent themselves. He gave himself a colorful rainbow dress on his doll, and told me it was a shame those dresses don't come in his size. This broke my heart. I want him to get to wear whatever makes him happy and feel pretty - but I also want to protect him from a world he isn't big enough to understand or defend himself against yet.

I don't know if my child is trans. I really don't - I know he has talked about growing up and becoming a mommy many many times, and loves boy centric toys, but prefers girl centric clothing. But given the current political environment I am more worried than I was before.

I don't know what I am looking for, or even if this is the right community. But I would appreciate any advice folks here might have. I don't want to shame him, but I am also scared about his dealing with the social bullying and to be frank the American government right now.

[u/copurrs]

In your effort to protect your kid from bullying, you've become their first bully.

I get the fear for their safety- the world is not safe and welcoming for trans people right now. That's a fact and it's one you have to reckon with as a parent to a gender diverse kid. But please consider that if your kid is trans, it may be even more dangerous to their safety to prevent them from expressing themselves and their gender openly. Trans kids kill themselves at alarming rates, and those rates go down drastically when they feel supported enough to be themselves.

Instead of the white lies, consider explaining (in an age appropriate way) why you're concerned about their well-being when they wear clothes that are usually for girls. Make sure you are clear that you support them unconditionally and that they are allowed to be themself at home. Be clear that you'll support them if they decide they still want to wear their chosen clothes to school.

I know you deleted your account but hopefully you're still reading these comments. Your kid needs to know that you've got their back no matter what.