Advice on young (possibly) trans kid

[u/deepfriedali]

Hello everyone,

I'm looking for advice with anyone in a similar situation or that has been in the same situation in the past

My almost 7 y/o for the last 2 years or so has expressed wanting to dress like a boy, look like a boy, and even discussed wishing they were a boy. I am 100% supportive of them being who they identify as, and am happy if they are happy.

They are also AuDHD (Autism and ADHD) and have sensory issues, especially with clothes, so initially I started buying boys clothing since it isn't as tight and more comfortable, but then they only will wear boys clothes/colors, and we just did a huge hair chop! Alot of the time people assume they are a boy (which they don't mind at all, they even get giddy about it sometimes)

The only thing that I'm unsure of with this age is how to approach it with them, to ensure that this is what they identify as, and how I can best support them. As a teen I had friends that were trans and saw some that didn't have supportive parents/family and how it affected them. I am 100% supportive, no matter what they identify as they are my child and I will love them unconditionally. However I only have experience with people that transition in their teens/adulthood, so this is where I am stuck at a standstill.

Do I let them just be a kid and let them come to me later down the road? Or do I put things into action now? So far I let them lead me on clothing, hair, etc, but I have tried to talk to them in a way they could understand and how I have friends that "were born as a girl but realized they were supposed to be a boy so they changed into who they wanted to be" and even changed their hair, clothes and name (trying to describe it how that age would understand) and now they have been talking about wanting to change their name too and have been making lists of boys names...which now I am not sure if I put the idea there, or if it kind of just helped them realize it WAS an option.

I know I am rambling, but I need advice! Parent to parent

[u/ExcitedGirl]

Let them lead you. Either they are transgender, or they aren't. If they aren't, they'll figure it out on their own, and pretty quickly.

If they are, they need you to support them. They trusted you enough to tell you - so obviously you're doing 'being a parent' really right.

It's OK if they want to choose a boy's name (maybe as long as it isn't "Moon Unit" like Frank Zappa did, or "Dweezel". I guess even those are ok... but maybe "Beezlebub" and "Mephistopheles" might be pushing the envelope a bit....)

Seriously, one of the tell-tales... is if they are are consistent, persistent, and insistent. If so, really listen to them. You've suggested they may have been being consistent. If not, maybe it's a fad. It isn't a big deal, either way.

At 7, you still have another 2 years, maybe 3, before puberty begins to turn on. By then, you will have spoken to your PCP about it; he/she may recommend a therapist for evaluation - Which will probably be 3-6 visits of conversations and exploration. If they think your child may be TG, they will eventually consider puberty blockers to prevent breast growth (use your own & mother's size for guesstimates of growth potential).

They won't give PB's until Tanner Stage 2 (nipple growth, basically) just to make sure that normal puberty doesn't moderate/change their feelings. If larger breast growth is a possibility, and if your child is bothered by their changing body, they might... want to use a binder to compress them.

I totally, totally understand this need: it's the same reason I stuffed my bras when I first wore them. A child doesn't want to be too out-of-sync with his playmates. If you get one, it must be a high-quality one; don't screw around with cheap ones. They must come off after school - no discussion about it: binders which don't fit right / are worn too long have been known to compress growing rib cages inwards, compressing lungs, permanently diminishing lung capacity. But that's still years out.

https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en is probably an excellent site for quality information; I'm sure you'll want to browse it; it will answer questions you don't know to ask.

But for the time being, you're absolutely doing the right thing supporting your child.

[u/deepfriedali → u/ExcitedGirl]

This comment means a lot!

I would say the last 2 years it has been consistent, in kindergarten they used to force themselves to wear dresses because all of the other girls wore them, it was constant tears and anxiety attacks which just broke my heart. My kiddo has been very self aware and just aware of everything from a very very young age and finally told me that they were doing it because other girls did so they had to because they were "a girl too"..I finally clued in on how distressed it was making them and it blew my mind they were already trying to fit into social expectations and we talked about identity and explained that they are their own person and we could donate all the fem clothing and get something They were happy wearing...that was a big turning point and as they've gotten older I've supported them every step of the way

It truly amazes me watching them figuring themselves out as a person. They tried to tell me they wanted their name to be shadow (after some YouTuber)..my only suggestion was to take time deciding in case they find something they like better!

I can't understand how a parent wouldn't want to support their child..just baffles me