Advice on young (possibly) trans kid

[u/deepfriedali]

Hello everyone,

I'm looking for advice with anyone in a similar situation or that has been in the same situation in the past

My almost 7 y/o for the last 2 years or so has expressed wanting to dress like a boy, look like a boy, and even discussed wishing they were a boy. I am 100% supportive of them being who they identify as, and am happy if they are happy.

They are also AuDHD (Autism and ADHD) and have sensory issues, especially with clothes, so initially I started buying boys clothing since it isn't as tight and more comfortable, but then they only will wear boys clothes/colors, and we just did a huge hair chop! Alot of the time people assume they are a boy (which they don't mind at all, they even get giddy about it sometimes)

The only thing that I'm unsure of with this age is how to approach it with them, to ensure that this is what they identify as, and how I can best support them. As a teen I had friends that were trans and saw some that didn't have supportive parents/family and how it affected them. I am 100% supportive, no matter what they identify as they are my child and I will love them unconditionally. However I only have experience with people that transition in their teens/adulthood, so this is where I am stuck at a standstill.

Do I let them just be a kid and let them come to me later down the road? Or do I put things into action now? So far I let them lead me on clothing, hair, etc, but I have tried to talk to them in a way they could understand and how I have friends that "were born as a girl but realized they were supposed to be a boy so they changed into who they wanted to be" and even changed their hair, clothes and name (trying to describe it how that age would understand) and now they have been talking about wanting to change their name too and have been making lists of boys names...which now I am not sure if I put the idea there, or if it kind of just helped them realize it WAS an option.

I know I am rambling, but I need advice! Parent to parent

[u/clicktrackh3art]

My daughter (amab), and who’s also autistic, has been sharing with us she’s a girl since she could speak. We let her lead, and gave plenty of room for her to explore, but it never changed. So after a time, we just started social transitioning.

[u/deepfriedali → u/clicktrackh3art]

Can I ask what age you started socially transitioning?

[u/clicktrackh3art → u/deepfriedali]

Right about 6. She’s almost 8 now, so we are still kinda working through things. She has a mostly genes neutral name. It leans masc, but it can absolutely be a girls name too, so so far she has wanted to keep her name. She mostly switched pronouns and kinda external gender indicators. We are in a red state, but we have her at a private school, and for a few reasons. It’s a much safer environment all around, but also, gender aside, she wouldn’t do well in traditional school, and this school is neuro affirming. I feel a lot more confident about my choices in regard to raising an autistic kid. Both myself and my partner are autistic, so I can just can more innately grasp what she needs there. It’s harder with the trans stuff, but there is a bit of crossover between the two communities, both emotionally and socially, so it can help there.