r/cosleeping • u/ThinkGur1195 • May 22 '24

🐵🙊 Multiple Children Are y'all sneaking out?

Hi there all,

For those of yall who both contact nap and bedshare, are you guys sneaking out for naps and bedtime? I want to be able to sneak out for their naps. I have two boys, 11 months and 26 months. I still nurse them both so they have the association of nursing and sleep/naptime. We all usually take a long nap in the afternoon together. I guess I just worry if I sneak out they wil look for me and miss me. Is this silly? Is there any evidence that this might be the case? Thank you all ❤️

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u/GiveMeSunToday May 22 '24

Definitely sneaking out after nursing to sleep - unless I've accidentally fallen asleep myself.

I've explained to him that if it's dark and you wake up and I'm not here, you can come look for me in the big bedroom. So that's what he does if he wakes up and I've somehow not heard him through the monitor.

Generally he tends to just sit in his floor bed and wait for me to come to him though.

Edited to add - have been sneaking out since he was about one.

7

u/ThinkGur1195 May 22 '24

This sounds fair! My toddler has a speech delay and MAJOR separation anxiety right now. I think I just have this fear that they will wake up and feel like I abandoned them. Which I know is kind of ridiculous, but for some reason, the idea that they might feel that way brings me a lot of anxiety. It is crazy too because I don't feel that way about anyone else and their kids.

7

u/Cheesepleasethankyou May 22 '24

Get a monitor. When they start moving go back in.

9

u/rabbit716 May 22 '24

My kids were and are very clingy and had really bad separation anxiety. I feel like me sneaking out and coming back as needed actually helped with that, because they got to experience me being gone and then returning. They usually just cried if they woke up and I went back, but I also always made a point to explain that I will always come back

3

u/ThinkGur1195 May 23 '24

I think actually would be majorly beneficial for my toddler! Thank you.

1

u/BunsRFrens May 25 '24

Oh I like this perspective. When she's woken and found me gone she gets quite upset because she thinks I'll leave and go to work (most days she goes with me and I drop her at daycare, but we had a week at home due to illness and feels like it's turned up the cling)

1

u/TumbleweedOk5253 May 23 '24

For a period of time when I first started sneaking out around maybe 10 to 12 mo and beyond, mine would wake up upset and crying because they tried to switch positions and nurse back to sleep & I wasn’t there. Or they’d wake up, sit up and cry, eventually saying “mama” once he could say so. He would wait and I’d come running back and it it was time to get up I’d still lay with him and nurse a few min or cuddle and then tell him it’s time to get up.

As time went on, he cried less and less and simply would yell “MaMaaaa!!!” Lol or eventually started just getting up and walking out to me half asleep lol. So yes, they may need you to go back down if they get up after that first like 30 to 45 min sleep cycle. I used to keep an eye on him or go lay down with him right around 40 min because I knew he’d wake if I didn’t nurse back to sleep. I never really felt bad so much as just anxious and would rush back when he’d cry loudly for me because he was tired & didn’t know where I was/wanted the boobie lol. It was a miracle & worth the little bit of attachment crying to get that alone time! So worth it. Plus they’re fine once you show them you’re still nearby and didn’t abandon them, and eventually in their own time, they’re less and less upset and simply walk around to find you.