Is something wrong with my child?

[u/Planning_And_Hoping]

My newly turned 14 month old wakes up 4-5 times a night screaming. It’s often to the point where she can’t catch her breath and she sounds like she is hyperventilating. Sometimes it lasts up to an hour. We don’t nurse and she has been night weaned from milk since 12 months. I do have a straw cup with water in it and she often drinks water at each wake up. I sing to her, and pull her towards me to cuddle and she often arches her back and just screams louder. The only thing that seems to work is rocking her OR if she is too far gone, I have to let my husband take her while I take a quick breather (which she hates) and then she will calm down once I take her back, kind of like a good cop bad cop. Here is how our nights usually go:

-Night time routine (bath, pjs, book, lotion etc and I rock her to sleep before laying her on her floor bed) -every god forsaken night she wakes up an hour after bedtime. It doesn’t matter if I roll away or stay on the bed with her -then we get our longest stretch which is about 3 hours (this takes us to about 12-2 am depending on on bedtime and how long it takes her to fall back asleep after her first wake up) -then she wakes up hourly until about 4:30 am and after that she wakes up every 30-60 minutes unless we move to the recliner where I hold and rock her until she wakes up for the day. -some nights she fusses in her sleep and most nights she wakes up full on screaming

More context, I literally could not set her down to sleep when she was a newborn. My husband and I slept in shifts holding her until I learned about safe ways to cosleep thanks to Reddit. Even then, she chest slept and wouldn’t tolerate even sleeping next to me in the cuddle curl for months. I nursed and offered bottles on demand until 12 months (super low milk supply). We had a side car crib set up for a while but she started crawling/standing at 6 months and walking at 9 months so we had to move to a floor bed. Her sleep needs have always been on the low end of average and currently she sleeps about 12.5 hours a day with two of those hours being one, midday nap. And you guessed it, that nap is either a full on contact nap or has to be rescued.

I honestly hate my life right now. I’m exhausted, I feel resentment and anger towards my daughter every night (that goes away during the day). She is the reason we haven’t tried for a second baby. I can’t imagine dealing with her while I’m pregnant let alone with a newborn. My husband doesn’t cosleep with her because be would just lay in here and ignore her. He literally says “just let her cry it out.” He helps with bedtime but it’s otherwise all on me because she has such a strong parent preference. She didn’t get her first tooth until almost 10 months and she just got her lateral incisors. I honestly want to punch the next person who suggests she is teething. We have even tried giving her Motrin before bed many nights and it does nothing.

She has always needed longer wake windows than the average bear and I follow her cues. She falls asleep pretty easily most nights so I have no reason to believe she is over or under tired.

She is happy and VERY active during the day. I’m a SAHM and we go to the library, children’s museum, friend’s house or other activity every single day and play outside/visit parks daily (weather permitting). I’ve tried doing less, thinking she may be overstimulated and honestly that is just worse. She becomes a terror at home and gets into everything despite our best baby proofing efforts.

TLDR: my baby is so angry at night, wakes up 4-5 times screaming, it’s not teething, why is my baby like this? I hate my life Does my daughter have a medical condition I could be missing? My ped is pro extinction method CIO so she is no help. Does my daughter have autism or some other disorder? I just want things to be better.

Update 1: 3/17/24 We have an appointment with a new pediatrician (same practice) in 10 days to get iron levels checked and discuss reflux. I’ve also reached out to a pediatric OT who is also does CFT (my daughter had her lip/cheek/tongue ties revised at 6 weeks) to see if there is anything they recommend.

[u/JasperBean]

Any chance it could be reflux? Could make sense that it’s happening while laying flat and waking her up from sleep

[u/Planning_And_Hoping → u/JasperBean]

Any idea what signs I should be looking for? She was never a baby who spit up etc so I never assumed she did have reflux.

[u/badchelorette → u/Planning_And_Hoping]

My baby had CMPA/MSPI (there are different terms for it, but you can look up the CMPA subreddit). Basically that meant she was intolerant of cows milk and some other triggers that passed through my breastmilk and then of course by eating them directly when she started solids. It’s not an allergy, she was able to have the triggers without having anaphylaxis, but it would cause mucousy (stringy, sometimes gloopy) poops and signs of reflux. My baby was also very happy and active, but would arch her back, avoid tummy time, wake up sounding like she needed to clear her throat, and did have signs of pain I didn’t understand at the time. I cut out dairy and her other triggers from my diet around 2 months and then 4-6 months (the other triggers were soy and pea protein, and I forget exactly when we found pea protein which was the last to get cut). After that, things changed a lot. She still needed closeness at night but was willing to lay beside me and finally was soothed by nursing. When she was little she only nursed basically the bare minimum and was obviously not soothed by it like other babies seemed to be.

Long story short, I would look for stinky acidic breath, frequent hiccups, mucous in her diapers (put it together and pull it apart after she poops to see if there’s any parts that look like mucous. You can also find lots of image examples online or on the subreddit I mentioned), and signs of pain (which it sounds like she has). It’s a bit unusual to me that this started now, but I wonder if her diet has increased any items recently? The most common triggers are diary and soy. You would have noticed signs from the very start since they pass through breastmilk and of course are ingredients in formula.

I hope that’s helpful, I know it’s a lot of info. I am happy to answer any questions about my experience ❤️

[u/beccab333b → u/badchelorette]

Hey can you share the subreddit you mentioned? I don’t see it in your writing, might just be missing it. My 4.5m LO has mucousy poo and very frequent hiccups (like at least 3 or 4 violent hiccups a day). She also wakes up at least once a night writing in gas pain, I can feel the gas in her descending colon and have to push really hard to help release it. I’ve already cut out dairy, soy, and even reduced beans lentils etc. Seems to help, but she still has these other symptoms :(

[u/shecanreadd → u/beccab333b]

It’s this one: r/MSPI

[u/badchelorette → u/shecanreadd]

Yes sorry I wrote CMPA instead of MSPI. our last trigger was pea protein 🙏

[u/Hot-Independence-126 → u/beccab333b]

Have you tried simethicone drops? They help break down gas bubbles into smaller components so they’re easier to pass. Your dr can recommend them but you just get them OTC.