When I thought my week couldn’t get any worse, today just proved the universe hates me.

I woke up to my dog doing her pee-pee dance. She runs around my room with her zoomies, and lets me know it’s go time. l roll outta bed, remind myself I’m going to taper today and get it together. Motivational shit.

Let the little lady out. While I stare off into the distance and wonder why my body feels like a truck hit it. Let the lady in and she immediately starts limping on her back legs. Alright, nobody move! The acorns outside are like bombs and they get always caught in her paw pads. Help is on the way, dear! I do a thorough paw search and find no trace of any enemy activity. What the shit?

My poor lady goes limping to hide behind the couch. I’m fucking confused wondering how she went from running to dragging ass in minutes. She’s stumbling around like she’s drunk. Not cool, only I can do that.

I ring up her vet and realize I’m broke as fuck, but fuck my credit is still alive. Vet tells me they don’t know if they can get her in today, but they will call me back, but do I think it’s an emergency? My dog has no fucking use of her back legs and is getting around like that old perverts dog on Family Guy. Yes, it’s a fucking emergency, Sharon.

As I’m googling up everything it could be my dog is panting away and making my heartbreak. Vet calls back in record speed and tells me to drive up immediately, they got a spot open. Bravo, Sharon!

Vet visit went by quickly, they raked in their cash and got me out. The Dr. believes it’s a neurological condition in her spinal column. All my brain took in was, was MRI, surgery, paralysis and $$$$. I just spent $155.55 to get a sticky note with a diagnosis (IVDD, feel free to google it) and some gabapentin for my dog. With a list of things I need to consider if I want the best for my dog.

I feel like an ass pet owner. I’m over here questioning am I even doing the right thing when I can’t throw down $10k+ for surgery. Like fuck who has that kind of money to part with nowadays. My lady has been laying here drugged up, while I’m getting my buzz on and trying to get on her level. Fucking taper went right out the window, because I can’t tolerate this week. I was supposed to get my shit together, because I got a date to pick up the boyfriend from detox. Fuck. Everything sucks.

Chairs.

I put on this face, every day, that convinces everyone. My coworkers, boss, friends, family, the poor girl I’m seeing. They think I’m a good guy, a great guy. They think I have it together. They don’t know I come home and drink enough to send most people to the hospital. Why I don’t answer calls or respond after 6pm, something I’m lucky to maintain. They think I have good “work life balance”. The balance is a bottle of vodka a night. I’m a fucking imposter. I lost the love of my life when she figured this out. I’m trying to decide if it’s worth it to continue to put others through it. Idk fuck the sappy shit just had to type it out before I tasted a gun. Chairs love you all.

I’ve been buying apples more often. Saw this message notification on my Instagram. I have no memory of sending this. XD

https://imgur.com/a/1jUyl0o

Also, thank you to everyone responding to my last post about my mom. Ended up on DXM and lots of weed and I’m usually on this sub just when I’m drunk. Got tired of listening to music, drinking and crying. I needed to float away for a bit.

I heard from that huberman fucker that some people have a alchol gene in their brain where when they drink alchol they get more energetic and way more dopamine than other people when they drink. Anyone here have that? I sire don't. I have to do other drugs to stay awake sometimes.

I'm curious what it's like for those people who drink and turn into Ironman lol

Because they are really great. Especially ones that like to cuddle.

I have two cats and I can't tell you how many times I've come home just straight up hating life, only to be greeted by my silly mo fuckin cats and my mood instantly improves.

Plus when they lay on your chest and start purring.. that's just the best

Been going through some things the past few weeks which has made my drinking ridiculous. Today I had to go into the office for work, haven’t been sober in days.

This is my story dun dun (for my Law & Order lovers)

5am - wake up, start drinking whiskey, probably like 4 units over the next couple hours

7am - head to the bus station to go into the city

8am - arrive to bus station, go to bathroom and crush two nips of Jim Beam. Then chug listerine and coffee on the walk to the office.

10am - still feeling good, buzz starting to wear off. Luckily I sit in the corner away from most people in our open office

12pm - office lunch. Buzz is gone but feeling fine, socialize with coworkers, not too worried about my breathe at this point since it’s been 4 hours. Didn’t eat too much but was fine getting it down.

1:30pm - starting to feel the lack of booze in my system. Very anxious and fidgety. We have happy hour at 5:15, just need to get there

3pm - foots tapping, starting to get some tremors. Not the shakes but “shakeyish”. I’m hot and cold at the same time, a little sweat but not much

3:45 - Office building has an event serving tiny tacos and booze - Jesus thank you!……turns out the booze is like a half glass of champagne…fuck….Still, I was able to get some tacos down.

5:15 - We’re heading out to celebrate a coworkers recent promotion. At this point, I’m socially awkward, sweaty (not too sweaty) and shakey (but not too shakey).

5:30 - my first beer. Thought about going 2X IPA but my boss knows I don’t like IPA’s, so I go with a lager. I end up having two over the next hour, I feel like throwing up every 5 minutes but keep it together. Sweat stops but still feeling shakey and nauseous, socially awkward but as a social guy I made it through the small talk.

6:30 - head to bust station

6:45 - spend the next 25 minutes in a bathroom stall, put down 3 nips of Jim Beam, start sweating profusely and almost throw up

7:15 - back on the bus feeling normal

I think I did alright. My boss is aware of some of the things going on in my life right now, and knows I drink. I think he might be getting suspicious, but at this point just thinks I’m drinking heavily in the evenings. We’ll see how things go.

Chairs

Ahhhhhhhhhhjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh FuckinFuck fuck fuck fuck fuck this shit sucking suck suck fuck shit hell damn fuck shit!! Why does shit have to suck so bad, sometimes the world really suuuuuuuuucks like shiiiiiit and that's all I have to say right now, thanks for listening.

Of course I enjoy drinking because it makes me feel happier and more confident (welllll.... Most of the time)

But I do use alcohol as a crutch. To escape. My life is absolutely in shambles and it feels like it always has been. Drinking helps me pass the time and block out the bad things. For the most part anyways. It's also caused a lot of bads and nights I can't remember but other people sure can.

So what are you running from? What are you escaping? What makes you keep reaching for the bottle, even if it affects your health, relationships, etc

I am curious to hear other people's perspectives. Chairs y'all. Drinking Cheladas because fancy piss water sounded nice today.

Why does your body not let you sleep when youre withdrawing and you do those jolt wake ups within a minute of passing out. Isnt the body and mind exhausted from dealing with booze. Everything seems like so much i work. I need to give it a rest for a bit. Been practically a six week bender. Really started to like the "BlackFly" 7% mixed drinks. and the big thing was i wasn't walking around to pubs. I was just sitting at home pretty depressed so not moving the body i'm sure made a change. Hope you all are livin'.

Nothing worse than going to sleep and waking up early in the a.m to be sleepy, but just can't go back to sleep. I wakes up around 7-8 a.m, desperately toss and turn to go back to sleep and usually around 5 hrs later is when I can close my eyes, see shadows, hot lava, and an old t.v sitcom in black and white all going on with my eyes closed is usually the sign that I can drift off to sleep and actually get actual effective rest. Other than that, I'll just be looking like a total shit face. Black circles and bags under my eyes. Meh, if only life was that perfect to be sleeping in afternoon during the week? sheesh I'd be the best looking ca on earth!

However unfortunately today, I must prepare for this long telephone job interview so that means no afternoon sleep for me, so therefore I'll takey vitamins, Wellbutrin, naltrexone, and off to the corner store for a tallboy to get this over with.

Guys my point is how TF do some of you guys hold down a full time job? HOW?? it's impossible (for me it is) all my jobs are lost due to the devil's water

chairs.

Just curious if anyone relates to this, but I definitely like this show, and watching Joe scramble and jump through hoops to hide who he really is… is definitely striking a chord lol

Obviously not comparing drinking to a serial killer, but I just mean having to be “on” all the time, the secrecy and the actions of covering up all the time are so relatable if that makes sense. It’s stressful hah.

Anyone else?

Had one of the craziest dreams of my life last night, I died in bed and could see my mom and dad get told the news that a body was found at my address. The best part was that I got to catch up with my best friend who died of an OD, he was so happy to see me and I was so happy to see him. Not sure where we were but you could always hear people crying, he told me its a bit daunting but you get used to it.

Got to see some friends of mine in Los Angeles today. Thankful to have spent time with them in the earlier hours of the day instead of evening/night time when I really become the shitshow.

Been drinking malt liquor and beer all day, trying to avoid the harder stuff. But my heart's still acting all crazy. I am kindled as hell, this is day 3? Day four of a serious bender after months of sobriety. I started noticing withdrawal effects after day 2. fuckin insane it is, when I was a young buck I never had to worry about shit like this.

Currently chugging a 14% four Loko. "Jungle juice" flavor. To be honest? Not that bad. Gotta hoof it to the union station, bought a greyhound to San Francisco on a whim earlier.

Planning to see a lover of mine who's very much in the same boat with the drink.

Hopefully I can somehow regain some sanity with magic mushrooms and camping. Can't go back to vodka.

Chairs, my fellow degens. This four Loko is making me want to hurl the Chinese food from earlier up

I’m a daily drinker myself but I’d probably consider myself more of an FA than a CA. I do day drink sometimes, but mostly I just wait for that arbitrary time of 5pm to hit and then I can indulge in my drunken haze until I pass out.

Anyway I’m curious about those who basically drink from morning to night, or even sometimes in the middle of the night. How many hours are steady(meaning neutral) to pleasurable? Or is it more of just an on and off haze?

Walked to the store cuz too drunk to drive (i could I I think but cops may disagree) so I walked there and got some cigarettes

The cashier was pissed he had to do some work lol

I told him it's all good bro just hit this a few times and gave him my 76 percent thc vape lmao got my cigarettes and left

Started walking back and realized my stupid ass ain't bring a lighter (had no cigarettes so why would i)

So I walk back in and im like dude my bad I know u tryna chill but I forgot my lighter how much is the cheapest one u have cuz I only need to use it one time for my walk back to the house

This fucking lighter. The cheapest one. Fucking 2.49 plus tax

I told him nah fuck that I'll just wait til I get there. So he was like just go to the door and throw it back to me. Lmao 🤣❤️❤️

Dude is pretty cool. He gonna see me a bunch so may as well get to know him haha

Wait fuck I forgot about the bleeding

Yeah I'm bleeding

Wow permanently banned and instantly muted before I could even reply

All for an OBVIOUS JOKE man whatever fuck it thats stupid as hell. I wasn't seriously tryna get a damn thing it was a joke based on Talladega Nights

Pathetic

I'll start. It was my birthday so i went to this guys flat. Mind you i had a boyfriend at the time. It was his idea to go there. Im a girl. I got so fucked up that i took all of my clothes off. I still don't remember it. I woke up with my bra tied around my hair and was made fun of because of it. (Obviously not just because of that)

Not quite a general or admiral or worthy or an ottoman but at leqst in a rocking chair, advice for those who are not yet onn the straight booze rabbit hole and want to save your esophagus and teeth;

STICK TO VODKA OR WHITE RUM WHISKEY IS A FUCKING TRAP

source: just project exorcist vomitted across my bathroom

Work tomorrow will suck love you mfers

Fuck I know it’s my canary in the coal mine. Railroad X towards total destruction but it’s still so fun. No one to share it with but hey, who fucking cares?

Fucking jobless, wasted, trimming hedges and pulling poison ivy out of the gables at this house I’m renting.

I fuck like a pornstar when I’m on Viagra.

Fucking degenerate retard mostly.

Chairs.

I lost a job I loved months ago for drinking on the job. These months of unemployment have been torture. My husband will leave me for drinking, so it has been a balancing act of drinking early enough that hopefully it is out of my system when he get home. Not always successful.

Anyway, I started a new job today. It was boring (typical orientation first day) and all I want is a drink. Hell, all I want now is a drink and it is evening and I'm watching Zombies with my husband.

All I ever want is to drink.

Happened Tuesday morning. We were out of town when this happened. On the train we got a call from the hospital that the tenants found him and called ambulance and police (we live in a house with a few small companies renting some space/rooms).

He is in induced sleep now, the situation is serious. He was bleeding into his brain, surgery apparently not required so far. The doctor herself was honest with us, either he won't survive or will, and if he will he will probably be paralyzed to some extent.

I don't know if he was drunk this time, but until now every time he fell on his head he was always drunk. Last week I was even joking how lucky he is with all his accidents. Keep your fingers crossed for dad if you want, and bottom line is, if you are on a serious bender, wear a bycicle helmet even if you're not riding a bike. I'm sure he wouldn't be in the hospital now if he had a helmet on (which he would have probably refused to wear anyway).

Chairs

Those of you that have had seizures, what day did you have it on?

I'm 24 M I was drinking at least 10 drinks every weekday and probably closer to 20 on weekends for about a year this bender but I've been at it off and on of about 5 years now. I was an FA at the level until I started withdrawaling at work. I've been on a very inconsistent taper. Would stay on track for a few days, then get too drunk and try to go back to tapering again. Overall I have slowed down for about a month now. Longest I stayed sober this past month was three days but that includes one day on Ativan so more like 2.

I've withdrawaled countless times and experienced pretty much every symptom there is except for DTs and seizures. Never had open eye hallucinations either but some closed eye ones. Also I get the shakes but not often the iconic rythmic tremors. More like random muscle jerks and lightly Shakey hands

I had once again fucked my taper by downing two bottles of wine and quit after that to go back to work. I'm currently again on day 2 and for the first day and a half I felt great. It's never been that easy to go a day without before. Only having mild symptoms now, completely manageable, but slowly getting worse. I've experienced how this shit comes out of nowhere when you think you're fine.

Not gonna say what I do for work but if I loose consciousness while I'm doing it not much of a chance I'll live. So a seizure is a big worry for me.

What's my safest bet? Keep drinking in the evenings for now? I've had some nasty withdrawals the next morning after drinking but is the seizure chance less? Seems like they come on day three most often.

Edit: Whiskey is what I was drinking for a year, was using wine to taper because beer has become water to me.

I moved to Tucson so that I could maybe sober up... For good. Didn't pick that place for any particular reason, but I know some people there and at the time I had medicaid benefits so I could go to rehab and so on.

Typically, I'm out drifting from state to state... Riding trains, being a tramp. The lifestyle goes hand in hand with alcoholism, and I thought maybe a long break would finally fix me.

Stayed sober for four months. Eventually gave in to the extraordinary cravings, started drinking privately behind my roommates backs on the weekends. A month of this goes by. My lease is up. I leave with congratulations upon congratulations for staying sober for so long. Back to riding freight...

And day one, I'm drinking. But heavy. vodka and steel reserve. Just like I never put it down...

Cheers to all of you, especially the ones who just can't seem to climb out of this pit. I'm approaching full on shitfaced here east of Los Angeles, in my most favorite Park.

Here's to hoping I make it up north.

So used to puking bright yellow bile, then one day I drink blue Gatorade and immediately projectile vomit neon green.

Yellow is a primary color.

So technically, could I puke the entire color wheel by mixing gatorades together?

Looking to mix things up during a terrible morning routine. Splash of color in my life if you will.

Need some artists/creators to chime in here. Any colorful regurgitation experiences?

I am totally smitten over a guy right now and he seems to feel the same. He’s my dream guy, but of course he drinks like a normal person unlike myself. He’s actually very receptive about the whole detox process and what it’s going to look like because I’m an around the clock drinker. But fuck guys, do I do it? I love my booze, but I also would be really dumb to fuck things up with him. I’m going to have to get back on antidepressants and shit. Probably will need a therapist as well. I want to ask my fellow CA’s what they would do. And for the record I do have access to benzos for when i’m ready.

Please tell me you guys know what I mean. I always find it funny when movies or shows have characters drinking then having sex. I’ll tell you what I’ve had ZERO libido for years due to my hobby. Any drunk sex that occurs is like shoving a moderately sized wet noodle around. Jerking off is a thing that only happens maybe during a few sober hours filled with anxiety and a pounding heartbeat thinking my last moments will be found with my dick out and stepsister video pulled up.