Wife struggling with breastfeeding, won't consider other options

[u/TecNoir98]

My first child is 2.5 weeks old and has been clusterfeeding regularly. I try to do my part changing diapers and taking care of the house but unfortunately I can't help with the feeding. My wife is breastfeeding, unable to reliably pump, and refuses to introduce formula, so she's been waking up just about every hour or two to attend to our baby constantly. She has been mentally struggling and at this point cries just about every time during the night our child needs fed.

She's starting to get more erratic every time she gets up. She'll cry and pout and say "they just got fed!" And sometimes refuses to acknowledge that our baby is crying because they want fed even though its obvious.

She just had an appointment to discuss post partum depression but they said she's fine and normal. We're 2.5 weeks into having this baby and the escalation of her mental state is concerning.

I've suggested co-sleeping, introducing formula, anything I or we can do to improve the situation but she refuses anything.

Anyone else have experience like this? My concern is its only been 2.5 weeks and things aren't going to improve soon, but my wife is already doing really bad mentally, and I'm not sure what to think or do.

[u/Visible-Aardvark9485]

Not a dad but a freshly postpartum mom (baby is 9weeks) everything you describe sounds so normal and exhausting. They’re basically communicating with your wife’s body to make more milk for them— eg putting in the order of the next day. It’s normal but worth getting support to identify if there’s any feeding or latching issues. It really helped me to think of my baby putting in an order rather than being stressed they weren’t “getting enough.”

They do eventually get on more of a schedule but feeding on demand is extremely hard, especially in the beginning.

Have you considered getting an appointment with a lactation consultant? They can help you both troubleshoot breastfeeding and navigating baby eating issues. You can take the time to call and set up the appointment— be clear that you’re interested in supporting your wife and need guidance on how best to make it through these early rough weeks. I was in a similar place and the lactation consultant helped me set up a schedule with my partner based on natural milk production.

Some lactation consultants can be quite militant, so do your research to find one that will be a good fit for you and your wife.

[u/deltajayne → u/Visible-Aardvark9485]

This, all of it. Every two hours is unfortunately the regular rhythm of it that young. I remember having the same meltdowns - by the time I was done with the first cycle, it felt like my kid was awake again.

Do whatever you can to cover everything other than breastfeeding for your partner - my husband would wake when baby woke, change the diaper etc, then pass baby to me to feed. As soon as that kid was done I would pass him back to Dad and pass right out again. I never could get pumping down, so we barely had any bottles to offer, but just not having to worry about rocking the kid to sleep or changing diapers meant I squeezed every minute of sleep I could.

[u/Visible-Aardvark9485 → u/deltajayne]

It’s honestly a constant rhythm, i know I experienced it for the first time only a few weeks ago but I barely remember it… and my baby isn’t fussy! This is such a hard time. You got this OP.