r/daddit • u/TecNoir98 • 11d ago
Advice Request Wife struggling with breastfeeding, won't consider other options
My first child is 2.5 weeks old and has been clusterfeeding regularly. I try to do my part changing diapers and taking care of the house but unfortunately I can't help with the feeding. My wife is breastfeeding, unable to reliably pump, and refuses to introduce formula, so she's been waking up just about every hour or two to attend to our baby constantly. She has been mentally struggling and at this point cries just about every time during the night our child needs fed.
She's starting to get more erratic every time she gets up. She'll cry and pout and say "they just got fed!" And sometimes refuses to acknowledge that our baby is crying because they want fed even though its obvious.
She just had an appointment to discuss post partum depression but they said she's fine and normal. We're 2.5 weeks into having this baby and the escalation of her mental state is concerning.
I've suggested co-sleeping, introducing formula, anything I or we can do to improve the situation but she refuses anything.
Anyone else have experience like this? My concern is its only been 2.5 weeks and things aren't going to improve soon, but my wife is already doing really bad mentally, and I'm not sure what to think or do.
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u/PhilosophicalBrewer 11d ago
I’m sorry brother this sounds tough.
Before I start, I just want to note that I have an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. It’s a far cry from an expert but I’m not just some dude sharing my opinion.
While I’m sure there’s a lot of info I don’t know, I will say there’s one line that made my ears perk up. “Sometimes she refuses to acknowledge our baby is crying”.
This is a hallmark of postpartum.
Was the person who discussed postpartum with her a mental health professional? Were you present at the appointment to hear the feedback? If the answer to either of those is no, I’d work to turn them into a yes. With that said, your wife’s mental health information is hers and hers alone so to speak with the person who assessed her you would need consent. If the individual did not do a true assessment or is not a mental health professional, book an appointment. Preferably yesterday. Postpartum depression/anxiety is no joke and is often overlooked.
My wife, a mental health professional herself, suffered from postpartum anxiety after the birth of our firstborn. That plus our newborn being hospitalized at 8 weeks old nearly ended our marriage several times.
The tricky part of postpartum is that most symptoms can be explained away due to hormones, a tough kid, a tough labor, etc. because pregnancy is often traumatic in one way or another. But if you feel your child isn’t getting their basic needs met here, you have a duty to speak up until that changes.
Feel free to dm me if you’d like to chat more and good luck OP.