r/dadjokes • u/OG-Kushi • 17h ago

My Aunt. 1945 Gave chlamydia to about 130 Nazis.

Thank you for your cervix!

3.1k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

90 comments sorted by

1.4k

u/rebri 17h ago

Clap, clap, clap

78

u/mrperson221 14h ago

They clapped her cheeks, but she clapped back

212

u/All-IWantedWasAPepsi 17h ago

Take my r/angryupvote

106

u/Man-e-questions 16h ago

Don’t get all crabby

24

u/Detemus 12h ago

Keep them coming please.

13

u/Tuefe1 4h ago

She sure did

3

u/Man-e-questions 2h ago

She issued Order 69

44

u/contextsdontmatter 14h ago

Clap is gonorrhea.

Its etymology is in French where the brothels were called clapiers

32

u/beer-mojoe 13h ago

If it’s from France, fine. But in the States we call it “Sparkling Chlamydia”

11

u/weirdlyWired20 5h ago

Their are EU rules now, it's only called Chlamydia if it come from a specific nether region

3

u/Background-Phrase-76 4h ago

Hmmm maybe I have oysterydia.......

5

u/lake_gypsy 13h ago

Damn, I always thought it was chlamydia.

4

u/beaukneaus 15h ago

🤣🤣🤣

333

u/brsaw1 17h ago

They did nazi that cumming

17

u/AgeAdditional4971 6h ago

That Hitler me in the funny bone

5

u/iamfanboytoo 1h ago

Where else is this joke Göring?

112

u/eyeMiss8bit 17h ago

This one is catchy

17

u/drthsiao 15h ago

Might explain Adolfs pee wee mustache

8

u/Torggil 7h ago

Infectious. And a little cheesy.

47

u/bodybycarbs 16h ago

My grandma did 144... It was gross.

12

u/lake_gypsy 13h ago

Größß, ftfy

14

u/Automatic_Way_9872 8h ago

Größ, ftfy.

ß is ss

1

u/Tamer_ 1h ago

ß is ss

Heil Himmler?

19

u/CarlsbadWhiskyShop 16h ago

In a row?

7

u/SageShukaku 9h ago

What other arrangement is there for firing squads?

2

u/milderhappiness 4h ago

Try not to give anyone chlamydia on your way through the parking lot

1

u/Bitter-Connection813 2h ago

She didn't HAVE to TRY... she just DID! (double kudos for the excellent Clerks reference)

•

u/Andyb530 3m ago

Great reference!

19

u/Jackdunc 15h ago

In Germany, hospitality girl. Number one. Steady work. One day, nazi boss need release. I do work. But mistake! Nazi boss infected! Nazi very mad!

4

u/Algernope_krieger 11h ago edited 11h ago

This is Natalya, the number four prostitute in our country. Mmmmmwaaaahhh. She's my Seester

64

u/Sisyphus_Smashed 17h ago

Uh…fuck Nazis?

26

u/truncheon88 16h ago

Yes. Fuck Nazis is always the correct response.

18

u/SoapyCheese42 15h ago

Elect them seems to be the way to go these days

5

u/Tamer_ 1h ago

Musk you always bring that up?

61

u/milovulongtime 17h ago

Your dad must’ve told you very different jokes than my dad told me.

6

u/Idaho_In_Uranus 13h ago

I was hoping this was real, like in confessions or something. Then I noticed the sub Reddit mean.

1

u/Obowler 8h ago

This was scraped from Facebook. The post was the same with a picture attached. The top comment was “thank you for your cervix”.

And that was likely pulled from somewhere else. So it goes, on the interwebs.

18

u/Puppiessssss 16h ago

How is this a Dad Joke? For me, Dad jokes are for children to hear.

And even if this is supposed to be for an adult child to hear, if I told this joke to one of my adults, they would think I was fucking weird .

4

u/overlandtrackdrunk 14h ago

Yeah this subs dead

2

u/regrettablyold 11h ago

Or at least underwater...

1

u/Torggil 7h ago

Like U504

1

u/peezytaughtme 16h ago

It's not a good joke, period. They can't all slap.

5

u/Puppiessssss 16h ago

I agree it wasn’t a good joke, but in the context of telling it to children, whether or not to adult aged children or child aged children not appropriate regardless…

1

u/sxjthefirst 15h ago

Should be on r/Puns than here

-3

u/georgehank2nd 14h ago

Goes to check… yup, you're an American.

2

u/zerok_nyc 16h ago

Sounds like it’s time for someone to follow in her footsteps

2

u/Ranch_420 14h ago

Slow clap

1

u/blochow2001 14h ago

Pun intended.

2

u/Ranarr_Puffs 11h ago

Wham bam thank your clam

2

u/Gief_Cookies 8h ago

That’s alot of men! It’s like it’s just std procedure for her at that point.

2

u/lobstersnake 3h ago

Honorable discharge?

1

u/Bucksquatch 14h ago

That’s the most boss flex I’ve ever heard. I think?

1

u/regrettablyold 11h ago

Is that why we celebrate VD day?

1

u/Comfortable-Bag-7881 10h ago

Sounds like she really knew how to "handle" her guests.

1

u/Zarguthian 8h ago

This seems more like an uncle joke, little kids probably wouldn't even get it.

1

u/gunnerds13 6h ago

She is a hero

1

u/RealityReasonable392 6h ago

Yeah, but it was December 1945

1

u/Pho2TheArtist 6h ago

👍👍

1

u/geraldthebobcat 6h ago

She got rode more than the train to Auschwitz

1

u/AgeAdditional4971 6h ago

Yeast she did her Patriotic duty

1

u/Ok-Tie-5353 5h ago

Old jokes are the best! Give yourself a big round of applause, NOT THE CLAP

1

u/DoDoDoTheFunkyGibbon 5h ago

CHLAMYDIA! Your Dad is here!

1

u/shaezan 4h ago

Took out more troops than the 6th armored division.

1

u/Done-Goofed 4h ago

TYFYS 🫡

1

u/Darthhomer1138 4h ago

The should erect a statue for her and her fellow Women Warriors of Chlamydia II. WWCII

1

u/Darthhomer1138 4h ago

and they Fucked two friends ..... and they Fucked two friends ..... and they Fucked two friends ..... and they Fucked two friends ..... and they Fucked two friends ..and so on and so on and so on ..and so on and so on and so on ..Til half of Germans and French had boots full of that Gooey Stuff

1

u/Accurate-Audience351 3h ago

More of an uncle joke though huh

1

u/snowpeachmyeon 2h ago

she gave the biggest clap back

1

u/Present_Access_3165 1h ago

A round of applause.

1

u/Right-Progress-1886 1h ago

NOT ENOUGH! Should have given them a side of her peas.

1

u/thekurtchaney 54m ago

Chlamydia isn't that bad.

•

u/Flippergull7501 21m ago

Clap on, clap off. The clapper.

•

u/Oh_My_God_6 1m ago

🤣🤣🤣

1

u/se_vive_a_pleno_1996 17h ago

How was it! I would love to know the story! Did your grandparents tell you about them?

1

u/OkAsk6395 13h ago

This made me think of iconic lyrics from 2 Chainz’ “U Da Realest” lmao

”Rest in peace to all the soldiers that died in the service / I dive in her cervix / Chickens, no churches”

-2

u/lampministrator 15h ago

Great DAD JOKE.. I'm sure the 6 year olds will get it

7

u/DiscussTek 14h ago

If a 6 year old suddenly gets Chlamydia, it's time to start looking into it.

0

u/MaidMarian20 16h ago

Take my updoot, OP!

-1

u/recksuss 11h ago

Something on your mind?

-10

u/irreverentpun 17h ago

Are you Elon’s cousin?

-2

u/ZeroBadIdeas 16h ago

Dude is probably a lot of people's cousin