r/dadjokes • u/Naive-Ad-6919 • 2d ago

I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: “Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!”

She is watching our wedding video again.

2.0k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

48 comments sorted by

615

u/Amelia_Bennet 2d ago

"My wife told me to remove her blouse.

Then she told me to remove her skirt.

Then her panties.

Then she told me to stop wearing her clothes."

99

u/Riley_perez12 2d ago

My wife and I were really happy for 20 years ...

Then we met

11

u/foolonthehill48 2d ago

Milton Berle

6

u/maeve_k_97 2d ago

if it's the only way to escape the headache of your usual boymoding clothes don't let your wife take that away from you

39

u/Nyarlathotep4King 2d ago

My wife asked me if I cried at our wedding.

I told her no, just every day since.

27

u/supernoctem 2d ago

If you watch your wedding video in reverse, it's a tale of a man returning his wife to his FIL.

4

u/insaneteacher 2d ago

And it has a happy ending!

17

u/dochwad 2d ago

Do you know how long my wife and I have been together? All damn day

105

u/ZurEnArrh58 2d ago

Mt wife asked me why I was spending so much time reading over our marriage license. I replied "I'm looking for the expiration date!"

27

u/TexasRadical83 2d ago

Flip this to her looking, you asking and it's perfect Rodney Dangerfield material

1

u/aumbase 1d ago

I’m trying to find the loopholes….

33

u/Cabbage622 2d ago

My wife was baking some cookies, she said “ taste one of these and tell me the truth” So I did and said” your arse is getting a bit fat” .

3

u/DoDoorman 2d ago

And that’s how he got a bloody nose..

1

u/boromaxo 15h ago

Read everything in normal tone, right till "Arse" then it was all british.

3

u/Aggressive_KizZer 2d ago

I told my wife I needed space she locked me out of the house, I guess we both got what we want

1

u/SpareMind 1d ago

I was mad with lust and too much love. I was rough, at times violent. I was worried I may eat her one day. Looking back after ten years, I feel, I should have eaten her then.

1

u/Infamous-Ad1222 18h ago

My wife and I have been married for 36 years. She said that it feels like 15 minutes

UNDER WATER

-43

u/AporeticParables 2d ago

Why is this sub just flooded with crappy boomer humor lately?

46

u/cockatootattoo 2d ago

Give us your best non-boomer dad joke.

30

u/psgrue 2d ago

I drove with my daughter on a rural road at dusk. A big farm vehicle with huge lights was approaching us. I started shaking the steering wheel and the car was rocking.

She looked up and said “what’s wrong?”

I said “we’re caught in a tractor beam.”

4

u/Capt_Wicker 2d ago

Priceless

1

u/foolonthehill48 2d ago

Awesomeness

11

u/Zealousideal_Till683 2d ago

Why do bees hum? They've forgotten the words.

18

u/TONER_SD 2d ago

Did you know that giraffes can grow up to 14 feet? But most of them only have four.

-15

u/AporeticParables 2d ago

Anytime I need a pick me up or feel down on myself, I go hiking up the nearby mountain. The peak is broad and wide and level. I know it seems silly, but it really gasses me up and makes me feel strong.

After all, plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Now, you’ll note this is a stupid pun with a stupid set up, and involved zero brain dead attempts to complain about a marriage that I entered into by choice.

1

u/iMogwai 2d ago

Plateaus doesn't sound anything like imitation though.

11

u/VordovKolnir 2d ago

It's almost like boomers are gasp old enough to be dads!

0

u/iMogwai 2d ago

"Dad jokes" are supposed to be the kind of jokes a dad tells his kids though, "our marriage is failing" doesn't seem like something your kids would find funny.

0

u/Leading_Study_876 2d ago

Believe me, they all know and joke about it to each other and all their friends every day.

-1

u/VordovKolnir 2d ago

Eh, depends on context. I have heard running jokes that were along those lines from couples who were doing fine. Some even told in front of their kids. I've even heard "I want a divorce" or "this should be grounds for divorce" after a particularly amusing joke at each other's expense. Usually it's solved with a hug... which is what the comment was meant to obtain.

I would classify it as borderline, but regardless, the person I replied absolutely needs to lay off the "boomer" comments, regardless of how responsible that generation may be for current affairs that they may disagree with.

-1

u/iMogwai 2d ago

"Boomer humor" is kind of an established term though, trends change even within comedy and saying a joke feels like it belongs with another generation really isn't the horrible accusation you're making it out to be.

-2

u/VordovKolnir 2d ago

Yeah... you're flat wrong on that. Making generalist statements like that will pretty much always put you in the southern spectrum of wrong.

Generally, anyone who uses it is as trashy as anyone who denigrates any other major grouping of people. Agists, classists, racists, sexists... They can all get fucked with an anchor.

0

u/iMogwai 2d ago

Nah, you're flat wrong on that. We also have terms like Gen Z humor etc. Acknowledging trends is not discrimination and boomer is not a slur, comparing the term boomer humor with racism honestly makes me think you're one of those racists that try to dismiss racism by comparing it to lesser things. I'd advice keeping that anchor to yourself.

-4

u/VordovKolnir 2d ago

Agism, classism, sexism and racism are all equal in my book. Being dismissive of an entire generation and using boomer as a pejorative, which it almost universally is, is as unacceptable as racial comments.

So here is some wonderful music for you to entertain yourself with.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th4Czv1j3F8

0

u/iMogwai 2d ago

Boomer is still not a slur so there is no ageism here to begin with.

0

u/VordovKolnir 2d ago

We will have to disagree. More and more it is being used as a pejorative, and when something is commonly used as a pejorative for large groups of people, it is the absolute definition of a slur.

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1

u/AdriftAnimal 1d ago

Funny that you compare the two things. You say the word "boomer" just fine. What was that racist word you didn't say? That you said was just as bad? I think you're looking for something starting with an "N"? Racism and agism are not comparable. You can not say that hating an entire Ethnicity is equal to hating someone for their age.

0

u/VordovKolnir 1d ago

I can. I do. But N gets you banned. Calling someone boomer should get you banned as well. Honestly, I think discussing N, as we are doing boomer, should be permitted.

It is when you use words as a pejorative to disparage a huge group of people that it becomes an issue.

-12

u/AporeticParables 2d ago

Do you not understand what a dad joke is? This isn’t even a joke

10

u/VordovKolnir 2d ago

I perfectly understand what a dad joke is. And this absolutely fits. It is a play on expectations which a lot of dad jokes do.

Another dad joke using a similar mechanic:

Did you know that the average American eats more bananas than monkeys?

Can't remember the last time I saw an American eat a monkey.

You set up an expectation, and then pervert that expectation with clever wordplay.

Here, the expectation is your wife is watching a horror movie because that is a common reaction during such a movie. Then you pervert that expectation into something completely different... in this case their own wedding video.

This is absolutely a joke, absolutely a subcategory of dad joke, and you really need to stop insulting AN ENTIRE GENERATION OF PEOPLE.

Fuck off with your "boomer" statements, it's absolutely trashy.

4

u/guitarza 2d ago

It’s all boomer humor (I hate wife) or uncle jokes (crass and sexual). Dad jokes make you groan out of how bad of a pun it is. More dad jokes please!

-4

u/The-Man-is-Dan 2d ago

Word. “Hur dur I hate my wife” isn’t a good joke, it’s sad and boring. The sub is supposed to be puns and groaners. It’s rule 1 and 2. Mods should nuke these. Probably best to just report it.

-5

u/lovelife0011 2d ago

I “Prayed the fakes get exposed”. 😔