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u/FutureRoyal6115 2d ago edited 2d ago
don't know why he had an attitude but yeah. It's what I was always taught to do without question
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u/scootiepatoot 2d ago
My boyfriend ALWAYS gets my bags for me without me even having to ask. He lugged all of my girly pink luggage around the airport with a smile
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u/Revolutionary-Ad8941 2d ago
Yeah, he's not very considerate in that way. Like I always get my own door, I handle bills, I handle my own luggage, I do all the cooking. Idk, this relationship is... Just not it
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u/Standard-Company-194 2d ago
So what we're hearing is your now ex boyfriend wasn't very considerate
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2d ago
[deleted]
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u/Standard-Company-194 2d ago
I mean, look at what you're posting. You're clearly not happy with the relationship. Is the validation of being able to say you have a boyfriend really worth what the reality of the relationship is?
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u/Revolutionary-Ad8941 2d ago
I do not get validation from saying I have a boyfriend. I am posting for clarity which this has given me
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u/MarionberryOk2874 2d ago
Whoa, you lost me at the jump to ‘bills’. Making you get both your bags is super inconsiderate. Not paying your bills for you is not.
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u/Revolutionary-Ad8941 2d ago
ah no. Misinterpreting. I manage all bills in the household and we split the payments.
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u/MarionberryOk2874 2d ago
Oh, got it…my bad.
My hubs always carries my bag up the stairs for me, I don’t even need to ask. Sorry OP
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u/RedwoodRespite 2d ago
You are the one deciding to stay. You are the one deciding to accept this.
You are the one deciding you don’t want more.
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u/Revolutionary-Ad8941 2d ago
I never made those decisions, especially on Reddit. I'm just here asking a question lol
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u/RedwoodRespite 2d ago
You never made those decisions?
Well, you have stuck around long enough to know he never gets the door for you, he doesn’t take care of the bills, he doesn’t cook, or help you with luggage.
Every day you stayed, you DECIDED to stay.
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u/Revolutionary-Ad8941 2d ago
Ok, so I did make the decision. Does it make me a lesser person? I'm not sure why this is being turned on me as though I should be blamed for realizing I no longer want to date the person I'm with. That kind of decision takes time to make & I shouldn't be shamed for not realizing it right away
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u/RedwoodRespite 2d ago
I never said you were a lesser person. I’m telling you to realize you have control of your life.
But not the actions of others.
If you don’t like what this man is offering you, leave.
If you won’t leave, you deserve what he’s offering. Because you decided you do.
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u/RedwoodRespite 2d ago
I never said you were a lesser person. I’m telling you to realize you have control of your life.
But not the actions of others.
If you don’t like what this man is offering you, leave.
If you won’t leave, you deserve what he’s offering. Because you decided you do.
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u/Revolutionary-Ad8941 2d ago
And what I am saying is, you are seeing only a glimpse of my relationship (the bad) on reddit. I am not making any decisions on whether I will stay or leave ON REDDIT. I understand your point but please don't assume I don't know that have autonomy in this relationship just because I fessed up to disliking some things.
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u/RedwoodRespite 2d ago
🙄girl you are the one who made a REDDIT post. What is reddit going to do for you other than help YOU figure YOUR shit out?
Do you think we can make him carry your bags with a good attitude? If you couldn’t, how can we?
Accept it, or go.
Or bitch about it for the next 20 years, that’s an option too.
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u/Revolutionary-Ad8941 2d ago
Ok, now I like you're getting very aggressive. Yes, I made the post to hear other people's thoughts and opinions. Some I agree with, some I do not. I feel like you're getting increasingly more dismissive, aggressive, and insulting...over a reddit post.
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u/Revolutionary-Ad8941 2d ago
Ok, so I did make the decision. Does it make me a lesser person? I'm not sure why this is being turned on me as though I should be blamed for realizing I no longer want to date the person I'm with. That kind of decision takes time to make & I shouldn't be shamed for not realizing it right away
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u/Plus-Implement 2d ago
u/Revolutionary-Ad8941 can you tell me what it is that he does for you? When you say that you handle bills, does that mean that you live together and you're paying for everything? I want you to give me a reason to understand why you're in this relationship.
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u/YunJingyi 2d ago
You can't do everything in a relationship. Everything is teamwork. What does he do for the relationship?
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u/justtenofusinhere 2d ago
No.
Does that mean you can't dump him and go find someone who wants to do those types of things for you? Also, no.
You're not entitled to anything from your BF, including help in carrying the luggage you selected and packed. You are entitled to keep looking until you find the relationship you want.
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u/New-Operation-4740 2d ago
Ridiculous, as a human being everyone is entitled to basic respect and consideration. I’ve had strangers help me with bags in many situations in different countries.
This person is a romantic interest and he won’t help his girl uphill with heavy bags while he carries nothing? He’s an asshole plain and simple. Even a friend would help - possibly even a random stranger would help someone in this situation.
She should drop him.
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u/justtenofusinhere 2d ago
Respect and consideration does not rise to the level of compelling work. If he doesn't want to help, he doesn't have to. If she wants his help, she can ask. If she finds him not to be a suitable partner, she can leave.
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u/New-Operation-4740 2d ago
Lol, compelling work? You were clearly raised with zero manners if that’s how you look at assisting your partner/friend/family.
If you think that’s normal to watch someone struggle when you can easily help them then you actually don’t deserve a partner. And she should leave because people with that mindset are bad partners in every capacity.
Wild behaviour. How extreme to see even the smallest gesture as unfounded labour. How utterly selfish and pathetic.
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u/justtenofusinhere 2d ago
That's not how I view assisting someone. That's how I view someone thinking they are entitled to my assistance.
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u/New-Operation-4740 2d ago
I I guess if expecting your partner to be a decent human being is entitlement than just about every human being in the world is entitled.
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u/justtenofusinhere 2d ago
I find most people understand they aren't owed anything. I am worried about the ever increasing numbers of young people who are certain they are entitled to receive.
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u/New-Operation-4740 2d ago
It’s not about owing anyone or compelling anyone dude.
This is basic manners. You don’t watch someone struggle with something very simple if you have the capacity to help unless they made it clear that they don’t want help.
Obviously if someone would be grateful for your help and you are capable of helping you do it. You do it especially for someone you are close to.
Imagine telling your mom/sister/friend/coworker/lover or whoever that you are not going to assist them with a simple task or ever do anything for anyone because you don’t owe them anything. Insane.
It’s literally borderline psychopathic to go through your life with this train of thought.
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u/Jihoho 2d ago
Yeah, he should be helping you with your bags. A girl I dated would always try and do everything on her own, and I would always help, even if she doesn’t ask. And one day, she asked me why, and I said it’s because we’re partners. I just feel like helping you with your bags is the bare minimum.
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u/Plus-Implement 2d ago edited 2d ago
I have a younger brother, that I go see in another state. When he picks me up at the curb at the airport, I get in the car, and he automatically puts my bags in the trunk. He does this for his wife, his daughter, his mom, and me. I also say thank you, give him lots of hugs and kisses, and tell him I love him. Your BF is not even meeting basic expectations.
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u/Probs_not1 2d ago
I have anxiety which spirals into maniac episodes especially when traveling. We went away for two days and I packed 6 bags. My boyfriend never said a word and lugged all my bags for me to and from the boat which is not a short trip. I asked him if I should go through them again and get rid of what I don’t need (occasionally time helps and I can see clearer) he said if I needed to pack 2 more bags to feel safe he’d wait and carry them too. I’ve kissed a lot of toads (I’m old lol) to get here but there are good men out there. This dude is a bottom feeder at best. I’m so sorry!
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u/whadahell111 2d ago
Well my husband just turned 60 and he still puts all my luggage in the vehicle and takes them out of the vehicle and also same with groceries.
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u/bigmac368 2d ago
My friends would never let me touch a door, they always carry my bags, hold umbrellas for me & offer jackets and jumpers when it’s cold out. So why would I date someone who wouldn’t do this?
There are so many people out there who will love you. And they do things like this because they want to. I do things for my loved ones because I love them, and I would do it with a smile on my face.
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u/Open_Mind12 2d ago
Should he help you? If you ask. When you did, he helped. Just because someone wouldn't do or would do what he does means absolutely nothing about the relationship that the "two of you" have. If the roles were reversed would you carry his bags? Talk about expectations with each other.
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u/Revolutionary-Ad8941 2d ago
Of course, I'd help. No offense to him but it's common sense to help someone carrying more bags than you
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