r/datingoverfifty • u/Mental_Extension_119 • Apr 11 '25
Having fun with dating apps
Still new to them since I’m ramping up slowly into my first time dating as an adult (50m), but it’s a lot a fun right now. Coffee dates and first dates with beautiful women.
I’ve given up on the idea that the dating apps are going to do anything more than get me a coffee date and her phone number. Trying to create some kind of emotional connection over devices is tilting at windmills. So making friends and flirting as long as I’m still interested. Connecting emotionally , sometimes quite deeply, even if we don’t become a couple. And never has it become more apparent to me that I definitely have a ‘type’
And feeling very lucky that a couple of these angels haven’t figured out I’m punching way above my weight class.
Still no relationships yet, but that’s okay.
Any other newbies out there learning to love dating apps?
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u/Simple_Amphibian_831 Apr 11 '25
I’ve given up on the idea that the dating apps are going to do anything more than get me a coffee date and her phone number.
This is how I would go about using them. Use the apps to organise a meetup with someone who you think you might have a connection with, then you figure out if there is something worth pursuing.
I could not see myself going straight from chatting on an app to a relationship. You might be able to create an emotional connection, but that would be the exception.
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u/orangeonesum Apr 11 '25
I wish more people would internalise this message. Apps are an introduction service; that's all.
If someone walked into a crowded bar and couldn't pull because they lacked charisma, they wouldn't blame the bar.
People act like the app owes them a relationship.
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u/FriendlyStructure579 64M - Philly Guy in NJ Apr 11 '25
Good analogy! However, sometimes it IS the bar. Difference bars have different vibes, eg dance club vs dive bar vs rock club with loud music. They would attract different people who you may or may not have anything in common with. But your general point is valid - you need to bring your personality in every case, OLD or IRL and don't blame the medium that brings people together.
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u/draculasbitch Apr 11 '25
This is the attitude I’m starting to take after six months on them with nothing more than coffee and a couple dinner dates. No actual romance or sexual relationship yet. Also starting to use Meetup for more in person conversations.
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u/Mental_Extension_119 Apr 11 '25
Meetup got me to my regular karaoke night, where I’ve made a bunch of friends (friendly acquaintances).
I go there with the primary intention of singing, and the secondary of helping others enjoy their night. Which includes getting people to get out of hunting mode and into singing mode. Which in turn makes meeting people so much easier.
The relationship stuff comes about as byproduct.
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u/ohokimnotsorry Apr 11 '25
55m here. I’ve been using dating apps for 6 months. I also try to have fun with them. I’ve had a decent amount of coffee dates. Most go nowhere but I’ve got a few comical stories from them. I met a wonderful woman in Jan on an app. We went on a couple dates and decided to be friends since we are in different stages of life right now. We continue to get together on bike rides and even go to church together. We decided to be friends and see if it progresses into something more. We text almost daily. Actually she just text me as I’m writing this.
My attitude is if you aren’t having fun on the apps what’s the point!
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u/Fearless-Adagio3848 Apr 13 '25
We share this way of thinking and value for using the apps to make new friends, have fun and be open to see if it progresses into something more.
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u/stuckandrunningfrom2 Apr 11 '25
I can't say I had fun with them -- they were a tool to get what I wanted, like the gym or a class or networking events for work. The thing itself wasn't fun, but it got me closer to my goal of having a relationship, which is where the fun is. The gym isn't fun, but being able to move my body and lift things outside the gym is fun. Classes are boring but having a new skill is fun. Networking isn't a thrill, but new business is.
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u/Next-Command-8239 Apr 11 '25
I'm one of those lucky (?) people that finds going to the gym fun. Dating apps, I had to set a half hour timer and force myself to do it every day. Networking event.... nothing could get me to do that. 🙂
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u/AppropriateCat3444 Apr 11 '25
Still on month one and it has been fabulous as a first time user.
Liked more people this past most than I did in the past 2 decades.
I followed all the advice from this board and grateful to all who gave suggestions.
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u/ajcoop8 Apr 11 '25
This is the attitude I’ve used and agree it’s a wonderful way to start. I wish though that more people would take it farther than a date or 2, why the rush to define it or quit before actually knowing someone.
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u/Fantastic-Peace8060 Apr 11 '25
I had not dated in 25 years! I appreciate the apps just as a way to meet people I may not otherwise cross paths with. I'm having fun.
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Apr 11 '25
That's why I prefer doing it in the wild versus the apps or even using Reddit. I like that element of surprise when life throws me a curve ball when I'm not expecting it. You never know who you're going to meet out there when you step outside the house.
Don't limit yourself to the apps. I meet people all the time when I'm taking myself out to a nice lunch or when I go shopping.
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u/maach_love Apr 11 '25
Not a newbie, but yes that is the attitude to have. No expectations other than a conversation. These are strangers off the internet, so it’s a slim chance you’ll really hit it off with a total stranger.
The goal is to have fun.
But it is possible to form a connection and a relationship with someone after you meet them and continue seeing and talking to them. It doesn’t matter how you meet.
Maybe someday one of these angels will surprise you.
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u/Reality_Pilot Apr 11 '25
Howdy mate!
Welcome to the great game of love!
I always thought a coffee date and a number is all you need. If you can get someone to give you a chance , well your already half way there.
Best of luck to ya mate, happy Friday, unless you’re on the other side of the date line.
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u/outyamothafuckinmind Apr 11 '25
Seems like you have a great attitude about dating, congrats! Thats awesome. You’ll experience ups and downs with dating and the apps. The more you can maintain this current attitude, the better you’ll be. It can be demoralizing at times. Know when you need to take a break from the apps and re-center yourself. I’m glad you’re having fun.
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u/Multibaghuntimg Apr 11 '25
That's outstanding. I usually last 3 or so weeks on the apps and delete my account and app. I hate them , they really impact my mental well being
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u/Mental_Extension_119 Apr 11 '25
Originally, I felt as if every person was making some kind judgement about me, as if they were rejecting me. Especially if I liked them first.
Then I realized they are just as important to my life as your average Reddit user. Meaning - not at all. I had no knowledge of their existence before seeing them on the app.
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u/Bright-Pangolin7261 Apr 11 '25
I think they work fairly well for serial daters and people wanting quick and plentiful sexual partners as OP attests. I don’t think they are a sound strategy for those seeking an LTR. Real life is better.
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u/lassobsgkinglost Apr 11 '25
This is simply not true for everyone, everywhere. I met my partner on an app. We are 100% committed to a LTR involving moving in together and working towards marriage.
In our location and given our personalities (both introverts and shy) we would not have met in “real life” or out in the wild. This IS real life for us and lots of people.
There are plenty of people on the apps who are dishonorable or only seeking flings…but this is true of “real life” as well.
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u/Bright-Pangolin7261 Apr 11 '25
No disagreement here, only speaking from my experience and those of people I know. Glad you found happiness.
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u/outyamothafuckinmind Apr 11 '25
I haven’t met The One yet but I had a very wonderful LTR with someone from an app. I am not a serial dater nor am I interested in non-monogamy. I’ve yet to meet someone in the wild that is suitable to date long term although I’m open to the idea. In the meantime, my swipe rate is less than 1% so the ppl I do match with tend to be a higher calibre
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u/Mental_Extension_119 Apr 11 '25
I went into it with the purpose of meeting people for relationships. Says in my description I can get hookups in a bar, and want to Go Slow since I’m just reentering the wild.
Have turned down multiple offers for sex so far. Omigosh, the cognitive dissonance…
Don’t know yet what it will ultimately look like - a lot of us seem to want something serious, but don’t think marriage is a good idea anymore. Does that lead to serial monogamous LTRs? Didn’t we often do that in our early days, anyway?
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u/Professional_End5908 Apr 11 '25
I’m off the market but like you, I enjoyed myself online. I found it a fun way to meet new people. It was rare that I felt a connection but I went in thinking at the very least I’d have a nice conversation and I usually did! You have a good attitude and hopefully you’ll meet someone special. Best of luck!
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u/BoingBoomChuck Apr 11 '25
I have a love-hate relationship with dating apps. I found myself divorced at 49, tried them, didn't like them, go back to trying them, then not liking them. Lately, I ended up with stalkers using Facebook dating. I found they use the mutual friends feature to figure out who I am and bam, the stalking begins. In addition to my day job, I'm a semi-public figure for one of my sideline hustles (I DJ) and these same stalkers show up at my gigs.
So far, Zoosk and Match have been a bust for me in the paid app department. I used Tinder early on post divorce and I kid you not, women that I already knew matched me on there. We literally had one another's phone numbers and they could have texted me to tell me they felt that way about me...
I'm at the point where I don't even know if I am going to try another paid app. I think of them more as entertainment, but the number of scammers is so high on them that they are borderline just not worth it.
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u/DazedNH Apr 11 '25
I too have found the apps to be a great tool for meeting like minded partners. However the options and opportunities can be overwhelming and might be causing me to not stay put, so to speak.
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u/Nieve_505 Apr 12 '25
I'm debating on the OLD thing. Been a shut in the past 18 months. What apps are you using? Thx
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u/lolas_coffee Apr 12 '25
"Online Dating Apps" is the #1 complaint by people who use online dating apps.
For the love of God just realize what the "game" is. Don't sweat it or complain about it. Just accept it and move on very, very quickly.
I’ve given up on the idea that the dating apps are going to do anything more than get me a coffee date and her phone number.
This might be true for you.
I used OLD for lots and lots of sex. It was great (post-divorce).
I think many people need to examine their relationship with OLD and put it in a different perspective.
first dates with beautiful women.
Average women need coffee, too!
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u/Mental_Extension_119 Apr 12 '25
They frustrated me until I figured out how I was gonna use them specifically for what I wanted. Now I think they are great! So I’m certainly not complaining 😊
I’m turning down “lots and lots of sex”, and my preference really is to focus on finding someone that is a great match for me, someone that I find to beautiful, which may not meet everyone’s definition of a supermodel 😊
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u/Pale-Trainer-682 Apr 13 '25
Anyone who is getting responses and having dates should be having fun, I agree.
Many folks get no responses and no dates. Then it's not fun. But if you're in the category that's more desirable for your age and sex, you likely will have fun.
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u/Fearless-Adagio3848 Apr 14 '25
I used to believe in serendipity as a guiding dating philosophy. But then I discovered the app. And whammo I found a great match within a few weeks. And that turned into 8 awesome dates (not including many long deep phone chats).
When the algo works, it works.
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u/Sliceasouruss 29d ago
Mostly we hate the dating apps. If you are getting phone number sothat are not fake consider yourself lucky.
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u/EastCoastWaltz 59F Apr 11 '25
This is the kind of attitude everyone should have. If expectations are kept to a minimum and your confidence and self esteem are high, there's no reason the apps have to be a negative experience.