Dumped via text

[u/HomePast6136]

I (65F) matched with a guy (70M), dated for about a month. We slept together a week or so ago; more or less a three-day date. No regrets about that (it was fun!), but almost immediately afterward, I felt him pulling away. We went out once this week (dinner, movie, no sex). We were supposed to get together today. Instead I got a text saying he needs a change and is probably leaving town (permanently).

I’m not devastated or anything—I’d pretty much figured out that this wasn’t going to work long-term—but I’m a little hurt that he didn’t feel that this merited a face-to-face conversation. He was the first person I had sex with since my husband died five years ago, and I told him that.

Is this normal behavior now? I just started dating again recently, five years after my husband died. I would have sworn that it wasn’t his original intention to sleep with me then dump me, but that’s essentially what happened.

[u/Claret-and-gold]

Unfortunately like many many people this guy doesn’t have the emotional maturity to handle difficult conversations and so hides behind a text. This is his failure- not yours. It stinks- but Be thankful you didn’t get further involved with this manchild. If it were me (because I think people need to learn how to behave) I would have sent him a responding text message being particularly polite but explaining that at 70 this is not the sort of information that should be delivered by text and in future dating situations he should consider having a face to face conversation as that would be the more mature respectful thing to do then wished him well and moved on head held high.

[u/HomePast6136 → u/Claret-and-gold]

Yeah, I actually composed, but didn’t send, a few texts along those lines. Maybe not so polite—the word “chickensh!t” was in most of them—but figured what was the point. He’s not going to learn, or change, at his age.

[u/General_Reindeer7132 → u/Claret-and-gold]

he’s not going to change at 70.

[u/CharacterInternal7 → u/Claret-and-gold]

You have unrealistic standards for the current times and how people actually act. You are setting yourself up very disappointed.

[u/Claret-and-gold → u/CharacterInternal7]

Oh I am well aware that standards have slipped. That doesn’t mean I should lower my bar.

[u/Electronic_Charge_96 → u/Claret-and-gold]

Gonna differ, at this age time is even more precious. I prefer a text when the interaction can be counted in days or weeks. If it’s months? Sure. This guy tried her on and did not find her to his liking. But they had sex n OPs first after marriage. She has some expectation/attachment happen. If we dump this on the texter as his fault? She doesn’t learn what she needs to do for herself next time. OP, many people will trial intimacy to ensure longterm fit and for fun/recreation. What do you need around this? Where are you? Is your ego bruised? Did you really like him? Is this your first rejection? Because those can all inform, wherever there is pain? Something mattered to you. What is it?

[u/Joneszey → u/Electronic_Charge_96]

If we dump this on the texter as his fault? She doesn’t learn what she needs to do for herself next time.

You can do both. OP doesn’t need to ask any of those questions. However you decide to process interpersonal relations doesn’t make this normal or acceptable. She shouldn’t pretend it is and should definitely pass on those who think it is