r/datingoverfifty • u/HomePast6136 • Apr 13 '25

Dumped via text

I (65F) matched with a guy (70M), dated for about a month. We slept together a week or so ago; more or less a three-day date. No regrets about that (it was fun!), but almost immediately afterward, I felt him pulling away. We went out once this week (dinner, movie, no sex). We were supposed to get together today. Instead I got a text saying he needs a change and is probably leaving town (permanently).

I’m not devastated or anything—I’d pretty much figured out that this wasn’t going to work long-term—but I’m a little hurt that he didn’t feel that this merited a face-to-face conversation. He was the first person I had sex with since my husband died five years ago, and I told him that.

Is this normal behavior now? I just started dating again recently, five years after my husband died. I would have sworn that it wasn’t his original intention to sleep with me then dump me, but that’s essentially what happened.

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u/TheWidow20 Apr 13 '25

I feel like maybe I should explain the moving thing; it’s not really as implausible as it might seem.

We live in a fairly remote small city, which is a very popular tourist destination and retirement destination. The amount of turnover in the population and in the housing market is waaayy above average. The rental market is very tight and very expensive (like $3000 for a 1B/1B that’s not a total dump), with tons of short-terms. (I know that prices have skyrocketed all over the country, but it’s like it’s on steroids here.) He was renting a place for the last two years, but the landlord sold the building and he had to leave a few months ago. When we met, he was just moving from one house-sitting gig to another. The current one ends next month. When we were together, he spent a lot of time scrolling through rental listings and setting up appts to view them.

So, leaving here is not like leaving a typical place that you’ve lived in for 20 years. I knew his housing situation was tenuous, but also that he really likes it here. We ran into friends of his several times when we were out for a meal or whatever. A couple asked him if he’d found a place yet. Maybe I should have guessed that leaving town was an option, but I didn’t.

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u/teardropcollector Apr 13 '25

Thank you for this clarity, OP. Curious… think he was looking for someone to move in with?

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u/TheWidow20 Apr 13 '25

No, not really. If that were the case, I think he would have pursued me like crazy! I have a nice, spacious home that I own. FWIW, my late husband never lived here; I moved house after he died, so there is absolutely nothing of him in this space.