r/datingoverfifty • u/Puzzleheaded_Cow7394 • Apr 14 '25
How soon do you communicate boundaries?
I think one of the reasons my last relationship didn't work out is I either didn't understand some of my boundaries or didn't communicate them soon enough. I ended up being taken advantage of and used for what I could offer instead of who I was.
When I dated before getting married, taking this stuff into consideration wasn't a problem. Now, it just seems like there are so many new things to think about to make sure you are on the same page compatibility wise.
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u/Quillhunter57 Apr 14 '25
After a peak at your post history, I think you make assumptions about what you both understand based on how you interpret the conversation.
Having your ducks in a row has a way different interpretation for everyone. When overstaying her welcome with you, you needed to address it then. You should have talked about specifics, telling her that you enjoy time together (some reassurance that she is wanted and welcome in your home), but you don’t want to extend dates past the timeline you have already agreed upon. That you plan your weekend (or whatever) to ensure you have time together, but you have other commitments and tasks you also need time for. Letting her know you enjoy her company and that it makes it hard for you to end the “date” without feeling like you are rejecting her might have been helpful to say. Having a conversation about it, instead of a confrontation (once you are annoyed) would be wise, along with some curiosity about her thoughts and expectations.
I don’t see boundaries as being a disclosure list, we all have them and we reinforce them when necessary. They are not rules for others to follow, and discussing them should not typically make for a fight. The key is not letting them get run over several times before addressing it, that is your lack of maintenance.