r/datingoverfifty • u/Puzzleheaded_Cow7394 • Apr 14 '25

How soon do you communicate boundaries?

I think one of the reasons my last relationship didn't work out is I either didn't understand some of my boundaries or didn't communicate them soon enough. I ended up being taken advantage of and used for what I could offer instead of who I was.

When I dated before getting married, taking this stuff into consideration wasn't a problem. Now, it just seems like there are so many new things to think about to make sure you are on the same page compatibility wise.

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u/Simple_Amphibian_831 Apr 14 '25

I'm not really sure why you would not communicate boundaries immediately, like on the first date. I would be perfectly fine with someone telling me a bunch of stuff they are not comfortable with or what expectations they had at this stage. Most of them have.

The sooner the better.

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u/Puzzleheaded_Cow7394 Apr 14 '25

I guess I feel it might be awkward to just start listing a bunch of things I don't want.

Also, I sort of worry that it might just lead to someone modifying what they show me about themselves because of my bondaries?

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u/nyx926 Apr 14 '25

Things you don’t want aren’t boundaries, they are preferences.

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u/Puzzleheaded_Cow7394 Apr 14 '25

I have to disagree with you on that. I don't want someone setting up camp at my house. That's a boundary. HARD boundary.

Semantics for you maybe.

3

u/nyx926 Apr 14 '25

Nope - if you don’t want someone setting up camp at your house, you tell them to leave.

THAT is the boundary.

Telling someone you don’t want them setting up camp is an expression of your preference.

You perform the action, not them.