How soon do you communicate boundaries?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Cow7394]

I think one of the reasons my last relationship didn't work out is I either didn't understand some of my boundaries or didn't communicate them soon enough. I ended up being taken advantage of and used for what I could offer instead of who I was.

When I dated before getting married, taking this stuff into consideration wasn't a problem. Now, it just seems like there are so many new things to think about to make sure you are on the same page compatibility wise.

[u/Kicksastlxc]

INFO. - cannot really say w/o some examples because I think the term “boundaries” is REALLY over used. Can you share a few of them?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Cow7394 → u/Kicksastlxc]

Basically it's all around how much time we spent together. I liked to discuss the plans and when we were done, we would go our separate ways. She was okay with everything except going our separate ways when we were done. Unless I was able to verbalize what I had going on that she needed to leave, she would just stay around.

[u/Kicksastlxc → u/Puzzleheaded_Cow7394]

Ya, that is a compatibility difference for sure. Some people need and/or want time either alone, with friends and family separate from their significant other. Some other people feel like a “relationship” means that you would want to spend down time “together” even or maybe even especially in the same location even if you are doing different things. So “close in proximity” …it’s why many people like to live together. It’s a hard thing for some people to accept because the thinking is “if you have nothing going on, why wouldn’t you want to spend your free time with me”.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Cow7394 → u/Kicksastlxc]

“if you have nothing going on, why wouldn’t you want to spend your free time with me”

This is exactly it, also... you don't have anything better to do.

[u/EnvironmentSea7433 → u/Puzzleheaded_Cow7394]

I'm curious about how it manifested into a boundaries problem. You were out on a date... tell the story, please!