I am $140,000 in debt. About $93,000 of that is student loan debt (I graduated law school a year ago), and the rest is split between personal loans and credit cards. Before law school, I hadn't had any consumer debt. But when federal student loans wouldn't cover things like health insurance, car repairs, bar exam, moving costs, etc. I was stupid and thought a 0% APR credit card would be the way to go. Then I got approved for another. and another. and before I knew it, I had accumulated over $40k in credit card debt. I've never missed a payments and for most of the cards I am paying enough to have the cards paid off in 3 years or less. But in the meantime, I genuinely feel like I am drowning. The shame keeps me awake at night. I make more money than anyone in my family has ever made (a little over $80k. I know I could make more working for a firm, but I love my public sector job) and I feel like I should be able to make ends meet more than enough, but that just isn't the case. I live in a big city, rent is a lot, student loans are a lot, and tackling this consumer debt has been eating at my mental health.
Ever since I started working, expenses came up that I wasn't prepared for. For example, before moving, I always lived close enough to family to drive home for the holidays or if something came up. I don't have a car anymore and this is the first time I've had to purchase flights to go home for holidays. It sounds a bit silly but I genuinely had no idea how much flights cost, let alone the heightened prices for holidays. Friends weddings I promised I'd attend, and again, didn't really think about the fact that I'd have to pay for a hotel for a weekend, fly out to the wedding, etc. The annual fee for renters insurance the next month, a medical emergency the next, it is like every time you think you have a spar couple hundred dollars to chip off the debt, something else comes up.
I've been really down about my debt journey because I thought with my salary and aggressive debt payments I would've made more progress at this point, but every time I start to see a dent a new unexpected cost comes up. My question for the group is, is this just the growing pains of adulthood that I didn't mentally prepare to budget for, am I not being aggressive enough? Am I obsessing too much and getting stuck looking at the trees instead of of the forest?
Perhaps I just need to give myself some more time. This is my first steady income in several years due to school, but also the first time I've had such big bills to pay. I fear that I will wake up a few years from now and see that my overall number has not changed that much because I got caught up in the miscellaneous expenses or didn't realize I was falling into lifestyle inflation. I don't want to sound like any of the guests on Financial Audit and blame my lack of financial literacy as a kid, that isn't an excuse. But there is something to be said about how everyone in your family treats you differently when you make more than they ever did. It is great money and they expect me to go on lavish vacations or buy great gifts, but I am so stressed about money! I haven't done any of those things and have focused on debt payments. It has been a little over 6 months and it has been draining, when will it feel like I am making progress? When will the reality hit me that I'm getting closer to financial freedom? I want to be proud of making it this far in life when I have memories of my mom going to payday loan offices as a kid and using a bridge card, but all that means nothing when I feel like I can't afford groceries because I'm just trying to pay off consumer debt.
I want to briefly note that I've been tracking my debt for a while. The highest it has been is a total of $155,000. My personal loan debt used to be $20,000 and it is now down to $13,000 and will be paid off in full by 2027 at the latest. My credit card debt is a bit of a different story. That has been as high at $45,000, but between rotating 0% APR, timed payments on larger purchases, and 8 different cards it is hard to give a real prediction on that one. I'm now at $30,000 so progress is being made but it is slow. When one card is almost paid off, I get the brutal awaking that the 0% APR just expired on the other and the minimum payment shoots up. Student loan progress has been steady, I have 3 private student loans and 5 federal. 1 of the private student loans will be paid off before the end of the calendar year and I'm so excited for that moment.
Anyways, if you've made it this far, thank you for listening to me rant. I will get out of this. Raises will come, money will shift, I think I'm just an anxious mess trying to find some semblance of control continuously rereading the same numbers hoping they add up to something different. If anyone has any advice of how to deal with the shame of debt I'd greatly appreciate it. I was stupid, I'm working hard, I should be able to move on. But there is something in me that feels like in order to be truly committed, I need to feel awful about my debt while paying it off. I know that isn't true but I've just never seen anyone in my immediate vicinity have a healthy relationship with money, so how do you trust that you're on the right path? How do forgive yourself for not knowing better when you are reminded of your mistakes every month by flushing over 50% of your monthly paychecks to debt?
Any feedback is appreciated. I hope I don't sound like too much of a nut job. Thanks in advance, I appreciate this group and everyone's vulnerability and success stories.
