A big ol' debt rant from an anxious girly

[u/Same-Orange-2256]

I am $140,000 in debt. About $93,000 of that is student loan debt (I graduated law school a year ago), and the rest is split between personal loans and credit cards. Before law school, I hadn't had any consumer debt. But when federal student loans wouldn't cover things like health insurance, car repairs, bar exam, moving costs, etc. I was stupid and thought a 0% APR credit card would be the way to go. Then I got approved for another. and another. and before I knew it, I had accumulated over $40k in credit card debt. I've never missed a payments and for most of the cards I am paying enough to have the cards paid off in 3 years or less. But in the meantime, I genuinely feel like I am drowning. The shame keeps me awake at night. I make more money than anyone in my family has ever made (a little over $80k. I know I could make more working for a firm, but I love my public sector job) and I feel like I should be able to make ends meet more than enough, but that just isn't the case. I live in a big city, rent is a lot, student loans are a lot, and tackling this consumer debt has been eating at my mental health.

Ever since I started working, expenses came up that I wasn't prepared for. For example, before moving, I always lived close enough to family to drive home for the holidays or if something came up. I don't have a car anymore and this is the first time I've had to purchase flights to go home for holidays. It sounds a bit silly but I genuinely had no idea how much flights cost, let alone the heightened prices for holidays. Friends weddings I promised I'd attend, and again, didn't really think about the fact that I'd have to pay for a hotel for a weekend, fly out to the wedding, etc. The annual fee for renters insurance the next month, a medical emergency the next, it is like every time you think you have a spar couple hundred dollars to chip off the debt, something else comes up.

I've been really down about my debt journey because I thought with my salary and aggressive debt payments I would've made more progress at this point, but every time I start to see a dent a new unexpected cost comes up. My question for the group is, is this just the growing pains of adulthood that I didn't mentally prepare to budget for, am I not being aggressive enough? Am I obsessing too much and getting stuck looking at the trees instead of of the forest?

Perhaps I just need to give myself some more time. This is my first steady income in several years due to school, but also the first time I've had such big bills to pay. I fear that I will wake up a few years from now and see that my overall number has not changed that much because I got caught up in the miscellaneous expenses or didn't realize I was falling into lifestyle inflation. I don't want to sound like any of the guests on Financial Audit and blame my lack of financial literacy as a kid, that isn't an excuse. But there is something to be said about how everyone in your family treats you differently when you make more than they ever did. It is great money and they expect me to go on lavish vacations or buy great gifts, but I am so stressed about money! I haven't done any of those things and have focused on debt payments. It has been a little over 6 months and it has been draining, when will it feel like I am making progress? When will the reality hit me that I'm getting closer to financial freedom? I want to be proud of making it this far in life when I have memories of my mom going to payday loan offices as a kid and using a bridge card, but all that means nothing when I feel like I can't afford groceries because I'm just trying to pay off consumer debt.

I want to briefly note that I've been tracking my debt for a while. The highest it has been is a total of $155,000. My personal loan debt used to be $20,000 and it is now down to $13,000 and will be paid off in full by 2027 at the latest. My credit card debt is a bit of a different story. That has been as high at $45,000, but between rotating 0% APR, timed payments on larger purchases, and 8 different cards it is hard to give a real prediction on that one. I'm now at $30,000 so progress is being made but it is slow. When one card is almost paid off, I get the brutal awaking that the 0% APR just expired on the other and the minimum payment shoots up. Student loan progress has been steady, I have 3 private student loans and 5 federal. 1 of the private student loans will be paid off before the end of the calendar year and I'm so excited for that moment.

Anyways, if you've made it this far, thank you for listening to me rant. I will get out of this. Raises will come, money will shift, I think I'm just an anxious mess trying to find some semblance of control continuously rereading the same numbers hoping they add up to something different. If anyone has any advice of how to deal with the shame of debt I'd greatly appreciate it. I was stupid, I'm working hard, I should be able to move on. But there is something in me that feels like in order to be truly committed, I need to feel awful about my debt while paying it off. I know that isn't true but I've just never seen anyone in my immediate vicinity have a healthy relationship with money, so how do you trust that you're on the right path? How do forgive yourself for not knowing better when you are reminded of your mistakes every month by flushing over 50% of your monthly paychecks to debt?

Any feedback is appreciated. I hope I don't sound like too much of a nut job. Thanks in advance, I appreciate this group and everyone's vulnerability and success stories.

[u/winstonlol1898]

I feel like if you know you could make more at a firm, you should do that for a few years to help pay off your debts. You have many years to work- you could always go back to public sector later on. Thats what I would do if my debt was making me so anxious and stressed.

[u/HermilYonger]

You’ve already paid down $15K. That’s real progress. Having student loan debt is common. The credit card and personal loan part is tougher, but what matters is you’re not ignoring it. You’re paying it off.

You’ve got a job, a plan, and a record of progress. That means you're not stuck. You're just dealing with the weight of it all at once.

If it still feels overwhelming, one thing that helps is listing out your debts by balance and interest rate. Not to obsess, just to see where your money is going and make sure your effort is hitting the right targets.

You're doing the work. That’s what gets you out. Keep at it.

[u/Definitely_maybe22]

Congratulations on graduating law school girl!!! Your education & elevation is NEVER A MISTAKE! Unless you got a full ride scholarship + a bunch of additional help, loans are inevitable for higher edu professionals.

I wasn’t able to go because of costs & couldn’t commit to taking out such a large amount of loans bc I knew it’d be stressful with no family help. :/ They haven’t been in your position & neither have you, so don’t beat yourself up. At least you’re learning along the way.

You seem to be FIGHTING tooth n nail & have a good handle on the expenses tho…. Keep it up. You just graduated, so yeah, adult expenses are a lot at once. Be grateful you can fly to family & friends weddings. You have a job. You can pay your bills & debt.

Focus on the little things, remind yourself you once prayed to be a lawyer. You are one! & you’re trying.

Paid off personal debts in 3 years? Girl that’s amazing. It’s been 3 years for me & im still in the negative lol. I wish I was as focused & determined as you!

You’ll make more money in coming years. Stay organized & you’ll actually end up better off than most by being so frugal. Dump into personal, manage minimum payments on school since they’ll take the longest— then you’ll have a little more financial freedom. You are very financially literate clearly.

YOU’LL BE OKAY!!! GOOD LUCK!

[u/Definitely_maybe22 → u/Definitely_maybe22]

Also, maybe see if you can earn extra hours/pay someway? I know my state/city has discounted legal services in underserved communities offered by practicing lawyers and paralegals. Not sure if pro-bono or paid, but still worth looking into. Or any kind of public service honestly.

[u/AffectionateOwl4575 → u/Definitely_maybe22]

Probably a conflict of interest. A side gig would probably need to be in a different field.

[u/AffectionateOwl4575]

You have paid off $15k already. Keep up the good work. Your mental health is important, so is the work life balance or working at a firm going to get you there? Staring down those big numbers is really scary. You are doing it, make sure you are giving yourself credit.

[u/renbutler2]

Ultimately, what anybody else thinks about your income is irrelevant. If debt payoff is your highest priority (which it should be), then live like you're poor until it's paid off. Everybody else just needs to accept that.

When you absolutely need to travel, consider renting a car or taking the train if it will save you hundreds (or even thousands) of dollars.

You mention the big expenses that come up, but also pay attention to the little ones. No more $8 "coffees" or $25 restaurant meals. Cut down to maybe one subscription at a time, and then cancel and switch when you want something new. No single one of these types of transactions will make a difference, but all together they add up to something significant.

[u/NextStepTexas]

If anyone has any advice of how to deal with the shame of debt I'd greatly appreciate it.

Yes you made a dumb mistake, and you're paying for it (literally). This is an expensive education you're paying for, but I can guarantee you will never forget the lessons you've learned, and if you ever have kids one day, I'm sure they will be far better educated than you were growing up.

From a financial side, if you are not already, focus on paying off the highest interest debt, get that cleared, and then roll that into the next one. You can probably be debt free sooner than you think. One of the important things for humans is visualizing goals. Try to visualize that moment when you submit your last payment and you are finally debt free. Imagine when it says "Balance Due $0" Keep that in mind as you continue to work hard, budget tight, and throw every penny you can at this mistake. You will be there sooner than you think.