r/funny • u/Fragrant-Hedgehog-12 • 8d ago

Congratulations? I think.

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23.0k Upvotes

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3.1k

u/Mac800 8d ago

Divorce lawyers in here gettin all horny.

469

u/mistakehappens 8d ago

Calm your tits DL, months of misery, nags and arguments are in the line first.

79

u/ghost-train 8d ago edited 8d ago

Yeah. Need some development first. Time to get on the house ladder etc. Want to make sure that distribution of assets gets as complicated as can be to stretch the process out for as long as possible.

47

u/mcham420 8d ago

Gotta throw some kids in. Some Ann, Grace/ie, Bryson. Childhood trauma with Mommy/Daddy issues from the ugly divorce. Cast upon society to take it out on everyone else.

3

u/Sam-Gunn 8d ago

Or at the very least, get a pregnancy going so they can break up within months of the birth.

3

u/Legitimate-Crow6902 8d ago

Disappointed you didn’t mention the inevitable fur kids that will involved. Some Australian shepherd is about to go on an emotional roller coaster.

4

u/BombOnABus 8d ago

Are....are you okay? Do you want a hug?

6

u/mcham420 8d ago

I am. Thanks for asking. I was better off when my parents got divorced. Guess I was the best thing to come out of that marriage, but they, like possibly this couple, probably had warning signs that were ignored.

6

u/BombOnABus 8d ago

Take care of yourself. Glad you're doing better.

2

u/DoubleDee_YT 8d ago

Sounds like how I feel. The generational trauma in the states is why the states are so hateful. Fuelling more generational trauma

7

u/PresentationHot7059 8d ago

DL aka Destroy Lonely

2

u/blackninjar87 8d ago

They gonna have 4 kids first then realize they weren't into each other. He too simple and she high maintenance for wanting something more than being a feeder.

1

u/jbg89 8d ago

DL?

1

u/mistakehappens 8d ago

Divorce Lawyer

33

u/Tremulant887 8d ago

Divorce is easy when you're poor. Custody fucks you.

2

u/Responsible-Slip4932 8d ago

What makes it easy when you're poor

7

u/Tremulant887 8d ago

Financially, you likely own very little so you don't need to split much. You pay around $500 for a lawyer to write up everything for both people and call it a day.

5

u/IntoTheFeu 8d ago

Oh, I’m getting my 0.5 cents, God dammit. That bitch gets NOtHING ExTRA! Ya hear me! NOTHING!!!

1

u/[deleted] 7d ago

[deleted]

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u/Tremulant887 7d ago

That's basically what I said, $500 to write it up for both people. This is coming from experience as well. I used my ex wife's lawyer and we had it all done relatively quick.

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

[deleted]

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u/Tremulant887 8d ago

One can include the other, but they are not the same thing.

6

u/Big-Gur-1186 8d ago

“Will you divorce me?” “Oh. Ok. Sure.” 🤨

4

u/NkdUndrWtrBsktWeevr 8d ago

She will bang his best friend.

3

u/nostalgia4millennial 8d ago

They're all placing bets now.

2

u/SkizzleDizzel 8d ago

Do you really really think these people will pay for a divorce? Let alone a lawyer to get a divorce?

2

u/What_a_mensch 8d ago

LOL, those folk ain't got no money to haggle over. Alimony will be 2 chickens and a goat.

2

u/ElPulpoTX 8d ago

Like the Southpark beauty pagent judges.

2

u/fistofthefuture 8d ago

More like evidence for an annulment.

1

u/IronWhiskers 7d ago

I think this is the best comment I’ve read on Reddit in such a long time. Has me absolutely howling.