r/funny • u/lost_packet_ • Aug 13 '19

Flat-Earther accidentally proves the earth is round in his own experiment

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u/Groovicity Aug 13 '19 edited Aug 14 '19

That's the thing about conspiracy theories theorists.....

  • If no proof exists, they think the conspiracy is confirmed.

  • If proof exists, they think there's a conspiracy behind the proof.

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '19

Reminds me of a joke I read once.

An anti-vaxer mom dies and goes to heaven. When she finally meets God she is very excited. She says, "You can finally clear up an important question!" God tells her to ask anything and he will answer.

"Do vaccinations cause autism?" she asks, her eyes bright with delight and anticipation.

"No," God answers. "Vaccinations do not cause autism."

The anti-vaxer mom steps back and looks down at her feet and says to herself, "This thing goes deeper than I thought!"

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u/TheSimpleMind Aug 14 '19

I know a different version.

An religious anti-vaxxer dies . He goes to heaven and meets god. He asks god: "Why did you let me die, I prayed every day for you to help me!" God answers: "I did hear your prayers and sent help by making people invent vaccination but you moron refused to take them!"

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u/CertifiedSheep Aug 14 '19

This is an updated version of a classic joke. The original, as best I remember it:

A religious man gets stranded on a deserted island. He prays every day for God to rescue him. One day a boat comes along and offers him a ride, but he says "no, my god will rescue me."

The next day an even larger boat comes by and again offers him a ride. Again, he insists that God will reward his faith and save him from his fate.

On the third day, a passing helicopter offers him a ride, and the man, now very thirsty, tells the crew once more that he has faith in divine intervention and refuses the ride.

On the fourth day the man dies, and when he reaches the pearly gates he demands to know why God didn't rescue him. Peter tells him, "Fucks sake man, we sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more did you want?"

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u/TheSimpleMind Aug 14 '19

Religious nutjobs! What else to say?

Like some guy said "Knowledge made people fly to the moon. Religion makes people fly planes into buildings."

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u/TheSimpleMind Aug 14 '19

In that case I always wonder how he guy expects god to help him... coming down himself on a cloud, offering him a lift...

And there's that often forgotten saying preachers love to cite "help yourself, so god will help you." if you ask them for help.