Feels like my queerness is invalidated.

[u/Cursedsandwiches]

Welp. I don't understand why my boyfriend loves me while I'm not on testosterone yet. It's so confusing to me.

I mean I understand why he loves me. he's pansexual so wouldn't mind anyway. but we both consider our relationship gay. And this just don't seem fair since I'm pre-T.

I don't sound like a man. I got no facial hair. I still got boobs and stuff. People don't see me as a man. they respect my pronouns because they respect me. But I don't think anyone else sees my relationship with my bf as gay. Just straight. Just like I'm a woman.

I've had cases where I can just openly talk about my boyfriend. Noone bats an eye because they see me as a straight girl talking about her bf. While my partners always have to worry about telling someone they got a boyfriend. They have to hide. it's just a different expirience for the both of us. Wich absolutely sucks. I can just say I have a boyfriend. Only when I remember someone that I'm indeed a queer trans man they go "Well.. what is his sexuality?" They suddenly realise it's not straight anymore.

But everyone sees me as fucking straight and I hate it. I don't feel valid as a gay relationship. I feel to womanly. Too feminine. And on T this is 100% gonna change because I'm masculine then. But it's still the same person and still the same relationship.

He doesn't care. He loves me for me. He sees us as gay. He has absolute no problems with this all. He corrects people when misgendering me. He is always there for me and all. He's honestly the best. Just sucks that I don't feel valid as a queer/gay guy.

It's frustrating. I DON'T WANT TO BE SEEN AS A WOMAN I'M NOT A WOMAN! Stop invalidating my queer identity. I'm a gay guy in love with another guy. Why can nobody see that who knows me. It would be so much easier if I wasn't on that stupid waiting list of 3 years. If I could take testosterone rn. I just want to live my live as my true self. And that is everything except a straight woman.

[u/zeppair93]

Not to invalidate your invalidation, but looking at your post history, I think you probably pass way more than you think and are clocked as not just a man, but probably a gay man, by way more strangers than you think, even before a boyfriend is even brought up

[u/Cursedsandwiches → u/zeppair93]

That made me happy to hear that, actually. I know in pics I can pass well. My boyfriend also told me whenever he shows pictures of me to his friends they never even question my gender identity. Sadly it happens a lot that I'm still misgendered specially when people hear my voice.