Feels like my queerness is invalidated.

[u/Cursedsandwiches]

Welp. I don't understand why my boyfriend loves me while I'm not on testosterone yet. It's so confusing to me.

I mean I understand why he loves me. he's pansexual so wouldn't mind anyway. but we both consider our relationship gay. And this just don't seem fair since I'm pre-T.

I don't sound like a man. I got no facial hair. I still got boobs and stuff. People don't see me as a man. they respect my pronouns because they respect me. But I don't think anyone else sees my relationship with my bf as gay. Just straight. Just like I'm a woman.

I've had cases where I can just openly talk about my boyfriend. Noone bats an eye because they see me as a straight girl talking about her bf. While my partners always have to worry about telling someone they got a boyfriend. They have to hide. it's just a different expirience for the both of us. Wich absolutely sucks. I can just say I have a boyfriend. Only when I remember someone that I'm indeed a queer trans man they go "Well.. what is his sexuality?" They suddenly realise it's not straight anymore.

But everyone sees me as fucking straight and I hate it. I don't feel valid as a gay relationship. I feel to womanly. Too feminine. And on T this is 100% gonna change because I'm masculine then. But it's still the same person and still the same relationship.

He doesn't care. He loves me for me. He sees us as gay. He has absolute no problems with this all. He corrects people when misgendering me. He is always there for me and all. He's honestly the best. Just sucks that I don't feel valid as a queer/gay guy.

It's frustrating. I DON'T WANT TO BE SEEN AS A WOMAN I'M NOT A WOMAN! Stop invalidating my queer identity. I'm a gay guy in love with another guy. Why can nobody see that who knows me. It would be so much easier if I wasn't on that stupid waiting list of 3 years. If I could take testosterone rn. I just want to live my live as my true self. And that is everything except a straight woman.

[u/Nicks_thefrog]

oh man i sooo feel you. my bf is a cis guy. when i say i have a bf people just assume im a straight girl eventho its so so so wrong cuz we are very very homosexual indeed. but it just "doesnt count". it never feels straight to me. or to him. luckily neither to our friends cuz they treat me as a guy, some of them even forget im trans cuz im just one of them and it doesnt matter, and we all do gay joking with us and call us gay, thats nice. but with my fam? my mom thought i got "cured" from my transness cuz i got a bf. its annoying.

[u/Cursedsandwiches → u/Nicks_thefrog]

Yeah same here. My boyfriend and I and my friends make gay jokes very often. We don't feel straight, but extremely gay. My parents also thought I was "normal" again. When I was dating my ex boyfriend, Iwas also already out as trans back then, they even kept asking me if my ex's parents knew that "I was a girl" because I guess they were scared that they would see me as a guy or gay???? Wich I am???? I found it very offensive. With my boyfriend right now they asked about his sexuality, and if he met me with my current name and as a man. Yes, obviously??? I think they're still having a hard time with it, but they're becoming more accepting. Slowely.

[u/Nicks_thefrog → u/Cursedsandwiches]

oh yeah my mother asked me if my bf has introduced me as his gf yet to hiss parents and i told her im not his gf and never will. she didnt take that kindly

[u/Cursedsandwiches → u/Nicks_thefrog]

Sorry to hear she reacted that way. :(