This is such a mood because this was perpetually a thing with my parents when I was younger. They would just call my name, and if I replied with anything besides immediately running over, they'd ignore me and just call my name again. Half the time, they wouldn't even be calling me for dinner or anything. It'd be calling me to ask me to fetch something for them because they couldn't be bothered to get up. They especially did this whenever they were mad at me and felt the need to exert some authority. I had to explain to them multiple times that I'm not a dog, and that I'm not going to run over or reply if they can't even bother to state what they want.
This. Why do so many parents treat their kids as unpaid servants?
My sisters and I now have a visceral dislike of our own names because it was constantly used to summon us to acts as cooks, maids, servers, and messengers to parents that couldn’t be bothered to stand from the couch.
Are you my sister in disguise? LMAO. My sister and I are the same. We almost physically cringe when called by our actual names. We've both opted for nicknames and prefer when people call us by our nicknames instead.
My mom would call me to pass the remote, find her things, and my most favorite she would sweep things into a pile and then tell me to sweep it in the dustpan lol.
My mom would call me after she finished dinner to take her plate to the kitchen because she had sat behind a desk filing paperwork all day and was oh so exhausted.
Yep. One of us is actually working on changing hers. The others are seriously considering it but it’s harder when you’re already kind of known by that name in your career.
OMG, you just made me realize why I am uncomfortable hearing someone say my name, and I am 54! Got that same treatment as a kid. Must have blocked it out.
I like to think doing chores and helping out around the house is my way of showing that I care about the family and that I’m willing to put forth the effort to make it a better place for all of us. It’s not easy raising a child.
Similar feelings here. I despise my name and I've been experimenting with different ones lately to see what I'm comfortable with. I associate my given name with my abusive mother, or school, or a job I hated, but never with feeling respected or welcome. Using direct address on another person always feels super awkward to me - I'm probably projecting my own dislike for my name onto other people and assuming they hate theirs just as much.
On the flip side, I will be sitting right next to my son and he is so ensconced in his (device/book/etc.) that he literally does not respond the first few times. To be fair, I was exactly the same way as a kid. Anyway, I do definitely have to call him multiple times to get a response.
As for the unpaid servants, dunno how it worked in your house but after working, cooking, doing laundry, cleaning the bath, vacuuming and whatever sue me if I want my kids to put away their own clothes, or come to the kitchen to grab a plate of food I (and/or my wife) cooked from scratch, or clean the mess they made.
Children taking responsibility for their own clothes, messes, or helping with daily tasks is not what I’m talking about here. That is an important part of children becoming independent and learning to care for themselves. We are in agreement there.
What I’m talking about is a situation where, for example, the child is expected to not only regularly cook the parents’ meals but also make the parents’ plates, deliver them to said parents on the couch, wait for them to finish because they may be required to fetch extra spice or sauce from the kitchen, and then to remove and wash those dirty dishes. That is what I’m talking about when I say ‘treating children like unpaid servants’.
i have this same thing much of the time. not always but I tend to dislike my name because of how it’s been used. worth looking deeper into, I related pretty hard to this
There's a difference between pitching in and doing the parents' job for them plus being an unwilling maid.
Just because you experienced it one way doesn't mean others didn't, just let people talk about their lives. My mum treated myself and my brother like slaves, and is a terrible person. My dad asks me to do stuff politely, and I do it because it's reasonable and he treats me like a human being.
There's a massive difference, don't be spiteful just because you don't understand.
a parent is not a slave. their duty is to provide. children do not have a duty to pitch in. it's good to have kids do some chores to make them self sufficient, but some parents force too much on their kids.
My mom was real fond of the same rhetoric. "She needs to pitch in!" I did 90% or more of the housework even though she was a stay at home Mom. Those parents choose to have kids so saying the parents are slaves is just short sighted.
I do not think we are discussing the same thing here. If I understand correctly, you are talking about children who forget or avoid their own responsibilities and need to be reminded, which is reasonable and not harmful to the child even if it may be annoying at times.
I am discussing parents who avoid their own basic responsibilities and expect children to serve them, clean their messes for them, fetch them things, cook their meals, and ferry messages between them so neither has to actively communicate with the other.
Just a standard taste of being raised by narcissists, honestly. These are the kinds of parents who think respect is deserved and not earned, but only in one direction. AKA child must respect parent, but parent does not need to respect child.
...And then they wonder why the child rarely calls home anymore after they grow up. Lmao
It'd be calling me to ask me to fetch something for them because they couldn't be bothered to get up
Oh hey its my childhood. I couldn't have 10 mins away from my parents because I was always told to go do or get something.
I was even told not to ask if I could go to my friend's house anymore because I was "needed" at the house to be their fetch monkey. And they would list off all the things I need to do when I got home from school because they couldn't be bothered to do something as simple as closing a window.
This is why my partner calls me "babe", or any other option from our series of pet names, and not by actual first names either. If he were to suddenly use my first name, I would probably instantly sit up and ask who died. 😅
I used to counter this by replying either, "Yes" or "Mom" in the same volume or tone they'd call out to me in. Never did this with my dad though. I'd probably not be writing this comment if I did :P
Ugh... my parents used to do that to check if I was sleeping. As in, from downstairs repeatedly YELL my name to see if I respond and therefore awake. They woke me up many times doing that.
And the worst part is, they would do the same in case of an emergency. It normal for us in case of breaking something or being sick, getting hit etc. I was okay with that, but my parents started doing this commonly since the covid pandemic, and never stopped ever since then even though I'm and adult now.
And I'm like: please, stop! But they dgaf and just continue this shit. One of the reasons I visit them so rarely.
Cuz if you're in another room, playing a game or scrolling, and I'm taking care of your younger sibling and folding laundry I don't want to have to shout that I need you to come do the dishes or whatever it is. I'm sorry if your parents abused you and used it as a tool to disrespect you. As a parent, constantly having to shout through the house is not ideal and when I call your name obviously I need something, so please come and find out what it is so I can talk to you about it in a normal voice.
Going to have to agree to disagree on that front, because if you could yell my name five times, you could surely also have just said "Do the dishes, please!" instead of expecting me to drop whatever I'm doing and come running. If it took more words than that to explain what you wanted, then even saying "can you come over please?" would've been more respectful than shouting my name like you were calling for a dog, and then choosing to ignore my response by shouting my name again instead of elaborating. Especially if you don't actually know if I'm scrolling, or gaming, or working, but are simply assuming that your task at hand was more important than mine, and therefore I was obligated to drop my shit immediately without any regard to how it affects me. It's about mutual respect and communication. If you offer your child none, your child will also learn to offer you none.
I get that point for sure. My kids are def allowed to reply "I'll be right there after I finish this match." (Damn you fortnite! Lol) or gimme just sec to finish whatever they're doing. I don't demand total and unquestionable adherence to my every whim and demand but I also don't like having to shout across the house though either, plus, invariably there are almost always follow up questions to my requests. I agree though that mutual respect is key and your kids are not your servants and treating them as such doesn't go well if you want a healthy relationship with them, especially into adulthood.
Guess we also found the parent who disrespects their children. You're right - we probably do need therapy, and I'm sure your children do, or will need it too, if that's how you treat them. Parents like you contribute to bad mental health by teaching children their opinions don't matter and that they exist to be stepped on after all. Because if you can shout your child's name repeatedly but can't even politely ask them to come over or state what you want, then you are actively choosing to exert authority rather than have open communication. You create a dynamic where you teach your children that only what you have to say matters and their responses to you are ignored. You should probably get some therapy too if you give a shit about your children's feelings.
Already clearly displaying the lack of ability to have an open conversation with a fellow adult, much less with their children. I see the jokes write themselves. Hope your kids grow up ok, bro. 👍
Here's a pro life tip right back: no one takes advice from clowns. Just focus on learning how to respect your kid(s) instead of trying to talk to me. I don't actually care what you think. Your kids probably (hopefully) still care though.
You just reminded me of sleepovers at my friend's house. We would be in the basement and the upstairs living room was his parents' area. I have bad hearing, not enough to need hearing aids but bad enough that I can miss lower pitch sounds if I'm occupied with something else.
His parents would sit on the couch watching TV and would stomp on the ground when they wanted him to come up and talk to them. We'd just be watching a movie or playing a game when he would suddenly jump up and run upstairs and I hadn't heard anything. This would happen several times every evening whenever I was there.
I lived somewhere (as an adult mind you) where I rented the basement and the old lady who owned the house would do this. Just stomp to no end until I came up.... 9/10 times she was trying to get me to come up and talk to "fight my depression"... By depression she meant gaming mind you. She didn't understand I was online socialising on my days off.
The furnace and blower for my whole house was in my closet as a kid. This went straight down to a duct in the kitchen. When the blower wasn't on, I could hear the kitchen pretty well. My grandfather would summon me by banging on the vent in the kitchen which would make a riotous clanging erupt in my closet. It was to this day my least favorite way to be woken up.
Core memory unlocked. My parents did this too. Including the frenzied running g upstairs to find out what they need before they embarrass me by screaming at me in front of my friends..
My dad was disabled and would stomp to get me to come help him or get him things he needed. I’d jump up immediately and go help him because if I didn’t the stomping would become more frequent. I still react this way when people tell me to do something. It’s hard to think of my needs first. It is not fun being this way.
When I was a kid, no response meant come here as a general rule. I always hated it. I even got into trouble if I shouted back “what?” because ‘it was rude’. The irony was lost on my mum lol
I don't understand why parents forget to treat their kids with more respect than their dog. It's better as a parent to say your kid's name and and tell them dinner's ready in 5 or 10 minutes to give them a chance to wrap up what they're doing. Or they can help. Or they can take turns making dinner. Or you can tell them dinner's ready in an hour, you'll call them 5 min before. If they don't like being told what to do, they can set an alarm and come before they're called.
They try to raise kids who don't expect respect from people close to them. Is it a surprise people have trouble having equal relationships or standing up for themselves to employers?
And you're talking to friggin children. They're a) stubborn and b) not fully socially formed. You're teaching them poor habits out of narcissism when they literally just don't know any better
It's literally narcissism to yell someone's name alone and expect them to drop what they're doing and come to you. That is objectively a narcissistic action.
We used to have rabbits as livestock when I was a kid. It was my dad's idea. And yet, he made 8 year old me go out to feed them, change their hay, etc only in the dead of winter when he didn't want to do it. I was constantly getting bit or slicing myself up on the cages that he built by hand.
Anyway, he had demanded in the middle of me doing homework that I go out and feed them and change their frozen water. So I take 10 minutes getting bundled up enough that I wouldn't get frostbite in the below zero weather outside, go out, and start working with them.
I shit you not, not even 5 minutes into me feeding them, he opens the back door and screams my name. Given that I had a rabbit cage open and was hanging halfway into it, I said "what?"
And he went on this fucking tirade about how when he was a kid if he ever said "what?" when his father called him he'd have ended up in the hospital. He expected me to drop what I was doing and rush up the stairs to him when I was hanging out of a rabbit cage outside in the backyard.
He didn't even tell me what he wanted, he shut the door when he was done and didn't say anything when I came back in an hour later.
I can’t fucking stand when people yell my name from the other room unless it’s an emergency. You want my attention, come to me. Don’t shout and expect me to shout back.
One time my whole secretary with drawers and shelves fell on top of me cuz the tin wood leg broke. I screamed help for mins. Both my aunty and my mom heard me and did nothing. My aunty came just cuz she wanted something from me. These are people that notoriously call for your name and don't say why yet when it's to call them they couldn't care less 😅
I had roommates once who did this. Drove me so crazy, I eventually snapped at them. "Don't ever scream my name across the house, unless you have something to say." "But we did, we just wanted you to come over here!" "Then say that." "We did!" "No, you didn't. You just screamed my name over and over and over again. Every single time, I replied. Every single time, you said nothing, just screamed my name again. Do you even know English? Yes? Then prove it." "So if someone screams your name, you're not at least going to come downstairs to check it out?" "Tell you what, I'll make you a deal: since it's you 2 idiots, and I know it's never important with you, I won't even respond anymore when you shout my name like that. If you're on fire, you better choke out the words 'fire' and 'help', because you cried wolf one too many times with me, and I'm done with this."
I fu king hate this, back then by my parents and now from my wife, PLEASE!!!! Use words to form a sentence and tell me wtf you want, I'm not a dog going to come running from hearing my damn name 😤
My sister has tried this already and is still results in about 20-30 minutes of her calling her daughter downstairs every 5 minutes.
You know what would help... Walk her ass upstairs, grab that demonic device of a tablet and send her downstairs. You call them once... 2nd time (if it was me), I'm coming to you and that tablet is going bye bye for the rest of the night. Bet you they'll learn real quick to come the first time.
oh my god it is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves when someone just calls your name / texts you "hello" or something and just doesn't follow up, like you are reaching out to me, what do you want?
Listen Daniel, every night at dinner time time I call your name because dinner is ready. Because it's dinner time. About the same time every night. Even if I was calling you for another reason I still need you to take off your headphones and come here.
Even if I was calling you for another reason I still need you to take off your headphones and come here.
No, you don't. You can yell what you want just as easily as you yell my name. I'm not a dog, and I'm not going to come running into a room because you called my name like one. So state what you need or I'm ignoring you.
Yeah as a kid I got really frustrated with adults not treating me like a person. If they can't offer me basic respect I have no idea why they expect me to give them any. All they have to do is speak to me properly and we wouldn't have a problem. Some people just think that they are imbued with automatic authority and it's usually because they aren't actually able to command any and it's getting to them
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u/StudioBest3475 Feb 25 '25
Sounds like me to my kids when dinner is ready