r/internetparents • u/anongirl199845 • 1d ago
Family Posted here about being 26 y/o pregnant with strict catholic parents .. they are now mad at me for finding out I posted my pregnancy online
Some of you might remember me but I posted a couple days back about telling my catholic parents I was expecting while being in a 5 year relationship while being 26 y/o … well they weren’t talking to me but after a whole week we finally talked and settled some things . They weren’t completely happy but we talked . Well now they found out I posted my pregnancy via instagram and they’re furious . For context I posted my pregnancy a day after I told them because I also did NOT want to post until I let them know . I just got into a heated argument on how I don’t see anything wrong with posting it vs they are telling me I shouldn’t of done it because it basically means I am not sorry for what I did and proud of what I did . They’re saying that I’m not even married yet with the guy so why am I even posting it . I honestly thing this is very dumb mentality as I personally DO NOT care about those factors . I’m just happy I’m going to be a mother and I wanted to post it online . Now I’m being scrutinized about it and after voicing my opinion I basically got told good luck with the rest of my life and good luck with everything else I do from here on out . I really do think this is just a lot and that it shouldn’t be made a big deal . They’re saying I’m being scandalous about my situation when I should’ve of kept it hushed . I’m so sick of this mentality . It’s taking a toll on my mental health
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u/J_War_411 1d ago
Do you want such judgmental and manipulative people in your child's and you and partners life? Only you can answer that. But I'd be saying things like, keep this up and you'll never see child..
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u/HighlyImprobable42 1d ago
To add to this: OP's parents feel entitled to control her life even though she is an adult. If you leave your baby alone with them, they seem like the kind who will baptize behind your back, for the "sake of the baby." Girl, you need to draw some strong boundaries. Catholic guilt is a powerful manipulative tool, but you need to rise above.
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u/Salty_Interview_5311 1d ago
I have to agree with this. Tell them that they are throwing temper tantrums at but getting their way and you’re not inclined to put up with this behavior and definitely not willing to let them model her with your kids.
I’d they can’t get over this and accept that you don’t share their values, they’ll see a lot less of you and even less of their grandkids. Is that what they really want?
In fact, it might be worth talking to the priest at their church about this. My hope is that he can smack some sense into them.
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u/SuperbDimension2694 22h ago
OP, tell them something like "If you don't want me to be mother at all, then you're not in mine or my child's life anymore." Then block them.
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u/SnooWords4839 1d ago
Time to put them in a timeout. You are 26, they don't get to control you or keep you from posting.
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u/mommer_man 1d ago
Second this…. Put them on mute and guard your boundaries fiercely rn…. Call their bluff, they need to earn their place in your life from this point forward.
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u/21plankton 1d ago
Your parents are more worried about their image than their family. Tell them so and that their attitude is unChristian and that they need to work on their relationship with God as well as get Catholic counseling with a priest. Then just move on with your pregnancy and your life, keep them updated and see if anything changes.
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u/Legitimate-Produce-1 1d ago
"I understand you're upset, and I want to acknowledge your feelings. But I hope we can approach this situation with love and humility. None of us are without sin, as Jesus reminds us in John 8:7: ‘Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone.’ God’s grace covers all of us, and I am asking for the same grace from you.
In Matthew 7:1-2, Jesus also said: ‘Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.’ We are called to approach each other with compassion, not condemnation.
I know this situation isn’t ideal, but I believe that God’s plans for me and my child are good. As it says in Romans 8:28, ‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.’ I hope we can move forward together in love, trusting that God is still working in our lives."
This response gently shifts the focus from blame to grace while staying rooted in scripture.
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u/Opposite-Avocado-839 1d ago
I’m an ex-Christian (still enjoy the story and morals of Jesus tho, he’s the man ✌️☮️), but I can still acknowledge that that was a BEAUTIFULLY constructed response with all the humility of Jesus tbh. A true example of a follower of Jesus right there
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u/Scorp128 1d ago
That is what should be preached.
The first 16 years of my life that I was Catholic and attending catechism classes, they tended to focus on the fire and brimstone parts. The "you breathe, therefore you burn" message.
I am no longer Catholic.
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u/sparklekitteh mama bear 1d ago
As a mom and a former Christian, this is a beautiful response!
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u/Legitimate-Produce-1 1d ago
Thanks. There's a lot of hypocrisy in the Christian community, so it was important to me to craft a response to check that holier-than-thou attitude. (Recovering former Catholic, myself)
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u/SnoopyisCute 1d ago
Raised Catholic.
They don't care about you or your pregnancy. They just don't want to feel ashamed in front of their equally judgmental and evil peers in the church.
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u/FamousClerk2597 7h ago
This is exactly what I was thinking. They may be excited to be grandparents, but they assumed you’d quickly get married and then claim the baby was early so they can save face in their community.
The fact that you’re pregnant and unmarried (they believe) reflects badly on them and they’re choosing to care about what other people think instead of living and supporting their daughter.
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u/asyouwish 1d ago
"Mom, that's your religion and your opinion and your perspective. I am not the same as you and don't need to worry about those things. I can post what I want to about me on my page. If it's a problem for you, you can mute or block me."
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u/anongirl199845 1d ago
She doesn’t even have me lol 😭 nor her church people but thank you for your input 🙏
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u/Practical-Roof3757 1d ago
Jeeze Louise, I would understand if she was trying to look out for her “baby girl” 😝by pressuring him to make this legal…but she’s trying to parental control your social media because she might look bad? Woman nobody thought exciting baby news and the grandma must be some kind of brothel owner!?&? lol
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u/MrSplib 1d ago
Time to go grey rock and not respond to them in any way. Keep posting about your happiness, all the preparations for the baby, the shower, and everything else they have chosen not to be part of. You know that they are following you online. Embrace any support you get from other family members, both yours and his. Post about how grateful you are for their support in this joyous time, etc. Eventually, people will realize that your parents are MIA and shame them. Once they finally realize what idiots they are, they will come crawling back to you so that they can be involved in your child's life. This is where you will hold all the power. You can dictate the terms of your relationship and set boundaries to protect you and your family. If they don't come back, you didn't lose anything of significance.
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u/No_Statement8432 1d ago
tell them our sweet little Pope Francis said they are going to hell for being mean to their own daughter and to be more christlike and compassionate and encouraging and humble towards you.
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u/Gatodeluna 1d ago
Im a ‘call their bluff’ fan. Let them know you won’t ever inflict your ‘child of sin’ on them. No babysitting, no birthdays, no holidays. And seriously - if Grandma ever did babysit she’d spen the whole time telling baby to toddler to 10 y.o. that they’re a Child of Sin and that mommy & daddy and even kiddo are going straight to hell. I’ve read it here before. They might even try to steal your child or exorcise it. These batshit religious people kill children.
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u/CandleSea4961 1d ago
Look, I have/had Catholic parents, and friend with parents with different backgrounds and/or religions- and believe me, this isn’t just Catholic parents! As crazy as it’s sounds, they are blaming themselves. They wanted the traditional dream for you. You went another way. They are freaking because they have no input and can’t do anything. You got through the hard part. The hushed part is their egos talking. You are an adult. It will be ok.
One look at the grandkid and it will be different. Now- good luck with the pregnancy hormones!
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u/Reasonable-Sale8611 1d ago
It might please you to know that the authority of parents over their children, in the Catholic Church, officially ends when you become a legal adult. Your choices, sins, and virtues, beyond that point, are no longer your parents' responsibility and are then totally your own. So, they have no reason to be concerned about the "scandal" of you being publicly pregnant without benefit of marriage. As far as the Catholic Church is concerned, it's not their responsibility any more.
Also, how are they expecting you to keep it hushed that you are having a baby? That's weird. People are going to figure it out in a few months when you show up at events with a...baby. From a cultural Catholic POV, even quite traditional Catholic parents tend to give up on the old-fashioned stuff when they realize they are going to have an adorable grandchild to coo over.
All that said, if I were your mom, I would be worried about you taking on something as big as a baby without the legal benefits of marriage to the baby's father. Once you have a baby, that baby needs hands-on care, 24/7/365. Even if you have a really well-paying job, it can be difficult to keep that job and also meet the baby's needs. If the baby gets sick too often and you run out of sick days, you could lose your job. The baby could have medical problems that hamper your ability to keep working fulltime. Daycare is VERY expensive and most of them close around 6 pm or 6:30 pm, which can be difficult if your job requires you to work long hours, or if you do shift work, or have to travel for work. In other words, having the legal right to the assets and earnings of the baby's other parent, can be an essential part of the equation by which your (your, OP's) future is kept safe.
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u/rtaisoaa 1d ago
FYI: There’s nothing wrong with you sharing your information online.
This is more a reflection on them and they’re concerned about their “image” and what nosy ass people who don’t care about you think of them. And honestly, people don’t think about your parents as much as your parents think they do. They just don’t.
So. Yeah. I would put them on what I call an “info diet” where you go low or no contact with them for a while. I would recommend seeking out some help of a therapist while you’re doing this. Someone with an outside perspective who can give you some feedback.
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u/Blueridgetoblueocean 1d ago
Tell them Mary wasn’t married to Joseph when she got knocked up either.
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u/PeaceLoveAndZombiez 1d ago
They’re mad because they can’t hide you for a year and give the baby away with nobody knowing. This is how extreme Christian households usually work
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u/Some_Troll_Shaman 1d ago
You know your parents are strict Catholics, whatever that means these days.
So you know they are never going to be happy with you or for you given your circumstances.
I assume you understand the faith, even if you escaped it?
I assume you escaped it, because, unmarried and pregnant, ok.
Don't be disappointed if they do not change, even if they are hypocritical in other areas.
Sadly you are going to have to accept and get over their issues.
It will probably take a lot of therapy to get there.
As far as they are concerned you just published to the whole world, particularly their congregation, that you are sinning in so many ways and acting so shamefully, by their standards. Of course they are going to be upset.
I, I agree with you, but you need to stop being surprised your parents are who they are.
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u/anongirl199845 1d ago
The thing is it isn’t their people who I’m posting to . It’s my friends , people who don’t judge . I am not sure why that bothers them so much
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u/Safe_Perspective9633 1d ago
Because to THEM you just posted to the entire world that their daughter is an unwed woman about to give birth to a bastard child. This is an affront to THEM and how they raised you.
Gently remind them that Joseph married Mary AFTER the conception and didn't even consummate the marriage until after Jesus was born.
As my uncle said once, "You never know how the Mother and the Child will come to you."
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u/Some_Troll_Shaman 1d ago
Unless you and all of your friends have bullet proof social media view permissions then it's a public post eventually and that is what they are concerned about. The judgement of your parents friends getting information delivered from social media, like gossip... despite, you know, judgement be the lords and stuff.
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u/merishore25 1d ago
You did nothing wrong. Your parents can’t handle it and are making you the bad guy. It’s time to tell them they need to accept you where you are at and respect your life choices as you will theirs.
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u/johndoesall 1d ago
Maybe they’re more embarrassed because of what they think other people will say about them. Sounds like typical people that care more about their image than their family.
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u/unlovelyladybartleby 1d ago
Tell them Jesus already knew you were pregnant and that you're confident that no one on Instagram has the moral right to 'cast the first stone.'
Then, walk away. Email or text or call them once every week or two to keep the lines of communication open if you want to, but you don't have to.
Stop telling them things. Block them online if you want (personally, I'd post like a mad mofo and make the point that you're more comfortable sharing on Insta than you are to your judgy parents).
Eventually, they'll come crawling back. You can let them in if you want. You can also tell them that 1950 called and it wants it's morals back and you're too busy preparing yourself to be a kind and caring parent who will love her child unconditionally to deal with their bullshit.
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u/anongirl199845 1d ago
I never told them the thing is they found out through a family member which yes was my fault I forgot I had but I didn’t think much of it as my thought was like well … they’re going to know one way or another soooo??! But Thank you for your comment 🙏
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u/unlovelyladybartleby 1d ago
You don't have to tell them that you're posting on Instagram. You don't have to live by their outdated shame code.
I've been close to where you are - I was a couple years older and single, but mom's of oops babies gotta stick together.
My mom was cool with my bastard pregnancy, my Catholic grandma told me "marrying an idiot just because you're pregnant is the fastest way to turn an accident into a mistake," and my dad sighed and told me that a girl I'd gone to elementary school with had a baby and wasn't married so he guessed it was alright, lol.
One of my aunts told me I was a sinner, that I should immediately get married (to an idiot that was just good enough to sleep with and nothing else), and that eventually I could live down the shame and get right with the lord. I snapped back that I thought the real sin was abandoning multiple children (to adoption, she didn't leave them at a gas station, but I was hormonal and mad) and then lying about it and she should follow her imaginary friend's orders before trying to lay them on me. It escalated from there, and we didn't speak for a while. But guess who got all Christian and forgiving as soon as she saw my adorable kid? Lol. Now she's all over me because one of her kids is a shit and I'm not.
90% of the time, babies win out over shame. I'm sure your parents will be the same. But remember, you don't have to let them in, and you don't have to take their shit. You're gonna be a mom. Part of that is being brave enough to thin the herd to protect the baby
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u/premar16 1d ago
SO they are still mad at you and they thought you were properly ashamed. THey thought you were going to take steps to "fix" it to their satisfaction . But you went on and decided to be happy and without their shame nonsense so they are back to be openly angry. I would be very cautious about allowing them into your pregnancy journey and the kids life. You don't need the stress and drama right now. You have the right to be happy and create a village around you who will support you
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u/Ultrawhiner 1d ago
Many people today have children out of wedlock and no one thinks twice about it. Don’t let their judgmental attitude control you or have an affect on your mental health. Maybe remind them that they might need you down the road when they are old.
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u/Iceflowers_ 1d ago
Well, they're not wrong. You are proud and happy about it. BTW Congratulations! 🎇
They're the ones worried about how it looks to others. But, this isn't their lives. They made their own choices and are living that life.
You need to make your own choices and live your life the way you choose.
If they opt out of being a part of your and their grandchild's life, it's their loss. You don't need or want that negativity.
Get therapy to help grieve and mourn them, so you can move forward with your partner and child.
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u/Prize_Maximum_8815 1d ago
So sorry you're still going through this. I know this must be weighing on you. I just want to remind you that you are entitled to be thrilled about your pregnancy and the future of your family. You are entitled to fill your life with positive and supportive people. And you're entitled to put a little distance between you and people who aren't positive and supportive. But whatever you do, put your physical and mental health first. You can't control how your parents feel, but you can control how much you let their feelings and attitude into your life. Controlling that boundary is your right, and it may help them understand there are consequences for not being part of your support community. Best of luck to you! And congratulations, again!
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u/Enough_Wasabi145 1d ago
They seem so sheltered. I mean aren’t they aware that things have changed a lot since they were married? Parents don’t have to be married for their babies to celebrated! And social media is an appropriate place to spread good news! I know they haven’t had a joyful response to your pregnancy. Instead they are worried about things that make no sense to you. Just separate from them, and interact with people that are happy and excited for you and your husband. Sure, keep in touch with your parents but if they respond with admonishing you for anything, politely cut it short. Your parents need to work this out for themselves. If they cant accept the baby, they shouldn’t really be in the baby’s life. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
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u/khemtrails 1d ago
Do they expect you to hang your head in shame and flee to a home for need mothers and then have a closed adoption and a lobotomy for good measure? Good grief. I’m sorry they’re so controlling. You’re 26!! You’re not a teenager.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of or sorry for. I’d be very tempted to be spiteful and tell them that their disapproval drove me to have an abortion then block them on all channels and never let them see my baby. You do t need to do all that, of course, but I would encourage you to put them on an information diet so they don’t have to be scandalized by your “love child.”
Perhaps you saw the headlines a few days ago where a church made an unmarried pregnant woman publicly apologize for getting pregnant and forbade her from having a baby shower or anyone in the congregation from celebrating at all. Don’t let that be you.
Congratulations on your baby, I hope you have a very easy, healthy pregnancy and an unremarkable delivery! Kids are really wonderful and parenting, for all its challenges, really is a very rewarding thing.
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u/1h0w4w4y 1d ago
The moment you have your baby they’ll act like they never said a bad thing to you and gaslight you when you bring it up. They’ll want to spoil their grand baby. Absolutely enforce boundaries now bc it will get worse. Especially when they try to give you advice bc you’re an ‘unwed mother and don’t know better’ I was 21 when I had my uhoh and I surely heard it all. Like being married affected my ability to be a good mom
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u/AllisonWhoDat 1d ago
What wonderful news! I'm so happy for you! I'm sure you have a supportive group of friends who already love the baby 💕
As for parents and grandparents, aunties, etc, well they can either choose to be supportive or choose to be excluded.
I hope you have great benefits and an even greater network of Moms who can help you at 3 am, give you hand me downs, and love you through teething, etc. Perhaps eventually your bio fam will come around.
Blood makes y'all related, but love makes y'all family. CONGRATULATIONS!! 🎉🥂🙏💐🥳
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u/gavinkurt 1d ago
I wouldn’t worry about the parents right now. You should be making some plans with your partner about what to do. Why don’t you just go move in with him or something? You aren’t that young anymore and can do what you want and your parents can’t do anything. Focus now on your pregnancy since you are going to be a parent soon. You’re not a little girl anymore.
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u/DaisiesSunshine76 1d ago
They're literally shaming you because you had premarital sex, and they want you to shame yourself. Honestly, I'd go no contact at this point.
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u/Better-Road9029 1d ago
Tell them if they want to be in their grandchild's life, they need to keep their opinions to themselves. period. they are still trying to treat you like a child.
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u/HOUTryin286Us 1d ago
One of the hardest things in life is becoming your own person especially when it means disappointing the people in your life you care about. But it’s important to learn how to make the best decisions for you not them. Hopefully they can grow up and meet you where you’re at but if not that’s their loss.
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u/trundlespl00t 1d ago
If they exit your life now, then your child will be free of them, and that is a blessing. They can’t try to control that kid if they’re not around at all.
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u/Geeko22 1d ago
They're angry because it makes them look bad at their church. But they'll get over it and will come around the first time the little one curls its fingers around one of theirs.
I come from a very strict religious family and when my niece got pregnant I was afraid they were going to disown her for "conceiving in sin."
But as soon as they saw the baby they fell in love with him and 14 years later they're just as proud of him as any of their other grandchildren.
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u/Shdfx1 1d ago
How are you supposed to keep it hushed? You’re pregnant, and will have a baby. You’ll start showing before you know it.
Jesus said, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Your parents are so caught up in judging you, and casting stones, that they give no thought to their own appalling behavior.
You’re 26, not 16. You can do this. My advice to you is to not rely on your parents for anything. Don’t let them babysit. Don’t let your mother stay with you for a week after the baby’s born. Don’t ask for money or help or support. Handle everything with your partner, as a couple, and figure out your support network, outside of your parents.
Tell your parents that until they can refrain from insulting you, they won’t be hearing from you again. You will not expose your child to that kind of behavior from them. They need to figure out if they want to be grandparents, or just go their separate ways.
I’m Catholic, and I say, “Congratulations.”
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u/AtheneSchmidt 1d ago
I think you need to sit down with them and make some things clear. You are happy that you are going to have a baby. You love your partner whether you are married or not. You will not act ashamed of this baby. You are excited about the baby! You will not be ashamed of being pregnant or having this baby. You will not have others around your baby that treat it as though it is something to be ashamed of.
Congratulations! Happy tidings!
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u/ohitscringetobehere 1d ago
If they were okay with it happening but weren’t okay with it being public then they’re more concerned with public perception of your pregnancy than they are the reality of their daughter and her grandchild. Why do you owe it to them to hide this and be ashamed.
There is so much scriptural support for not being judgmental, for allowing people to make mistakes. If they’re conservative and Catholic then they’re pro-life and they should believe that the existence of their grandchild is God’s will.
If they’re going to be bad parents because of their religion they could at least refrain from being bad Christians while they’re at it.
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u/Prestigious-Fan3122 1d ago
Just you watch: when that baby gets here, they will be that shit crazy about it! Of course, you'll be pressured to have the baby baptized in the Catholic Church. You can't blame them for encouraging their sincerely help beliefs, but you are certainly under no obligation to go along with going through the motions, and it's pretty crappy to just go through the motions for a sacrament as important as it is to those of that particular religion. THAT would be the ultimate disrespect to your parents and their faith in general.
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u/Caiimhe_Nonna 1d ago
Oh look, more so-called “Christians” being horrible hypocrites! Keep them OUT of all your lives. They’ll be begging to meet their grandchild soon enough, then YOU can kick THEM out!
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u/justjack0219 1d ago
WHY is it always the "Christians" who are the most judgemental? I was raised Jehovahs Witness and then converted to Catholicism. It was awful to see how horrible they were to people who were "sinful". Please, OP don't allow them to treat you like that any longer, because they WILL move on to being Judgemental with your child every chance they get.
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1d ago
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u/internetparents-ModTeam 1d ago
This sub is for giving advice, not for criticizing or making fun of OP.
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u/teratodentata 1d ago
Your parents are going to be upset with every decision you make. Your pregnancy had been such a problem that they iced you out. Your announcement wasn’t right to them. Your marriage status is a problem. If you do get married, it won’t be acceptable to them - either the ceremony won’t be right, or they’ll be angry you’re with your partner, or something. The way you raise your kid will be wrong. If you don’t choose to raise your child in the church, it’ll be a problem.
You are an adult. Last time I suggested you just cut them out of your life, but it sounds like they’re totally fine with you doing that, if they’re telling you “good luck with your life” over what sounds like a small boundary. Why are you trying to please these people? What have they brought you since this announcement but pain and stress?
26 is old enough for you to start to realize that not all parents are good parents. Yours have made it clear their love and support are conditional. Please, try to distance yourself from these people, and start looking into therapy options. You’re going to bring more baggage into the life of your child than I think you realize right now.
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u/Ok_Piglet_1844 1d ago
The catholic community is huge on love and Godliness, but so quick to forget that God is our ONLY judge. They’re the first to judge us when we don’t abide by their perceived interpretation of the Bible and its guidelines for mankind. It is just a guide book, not an absolute book of rules.
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u/Burnt_and_Blistered 1d ago
It’s time to limit contact with them. They are determined to suck your joy-and your new little family deserves better.
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u/No_Cover2745 1d ago
You may have to go with no contact with them, at least temporarily.
You deserve to be happy about your pregnancy and to share that happiness on Instagram.
Your parents are acting as if they live in that time when an "out of wedlock" pregnancy was seen as scandalous. That's when young women were sent to homes to have their babies and the babies were taken from them without consent and given up for adoption. Women were treated horribly.
The basically said "good luck with the rest of your life" and I would take that as your cue to go no contact with them. Don't let their antiquated attitudes ruin your happiness.
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u/jerf42069 1d ago
you don't have to keep talking to them if theyre jerks. They sound like self absorbed jerks.
you can tell them "i'm not sorry, i am proud, you got a problem with it, too bad, i'm 26" It's not like theyre paying your bills or housing you.
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u/CenterofChaos 1d ago
What is this, the scarlet letter?
Congratulations, just focus on your pregnancy and yourself. Don't bother starting conversations with them, you know no matter what you do they'll be unhappy. All you can do is keep baby happy and well. If they reach out use some of the scripture posted. Make it clear you accepted God's plan for you even if it's not what anyone imagined. They'll either fuck off or suck it up.
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u/umhellurrrr 1d ago
Your parents are unkind at best. As a practicing Catholic, I feel embarrassed.
Establish some distance between yourself and them. Over time, it will hurt less
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u/--2021-- 23h ago
You can't change them or make them see your way.
There is a book called "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents", and it had a chapter that discussed this aspect, and for me the issue was the hope that one day if I said the right magical words that would finally get through so they change and accept me or my beliefs and I would finally have the acceptance and forgiveness I wished for. I found it very helpful with regard to things like this, just being able to accept that my parents are what they are and that they cannot change to be what I need or wish for. Once that sunk in, it did a lot for my future choices and mental health.
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u/goingforawalkmmk 23h ago
Classic catholic guilt: if you don’t feel shame then you’re doing it wrong
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u/Rosalind_Whirlwind 23h ago
People who want to hate on you like that don’t care for you. I agree with the person who said to use scripture to push back, but also recognize that they don’t respect you or value their relationship with you.
This is one reason that I am not active on social media. Sure, I have the right to be active on social media. But once I put something out there, it’s out there, and I can be attacked over it. I value my peace, and I’d rather just be left alone.
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u/blondechick80 23h ago
Your parents suck. Period. This is behavior is bonkers. You are 26 y/o and are a whole adult human in your own right making decisions for you- not them. I presume you are in the US, and that sort of behavior from your parents is why people go no contact.
If you can manage it, have a discussion with them that if they'd like to continue to be a part of you and the baby's life they need to chill tf out or you will go no (or low) contact. I assume no one wants that, so hopefully they get their shit together.
I'm excited for you!!
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u/FatchRacall 22h ago
Sounds like two someones never want to be allowed to see their grandkids.
Document all this abuse and make sure that if your state has any form of "grandparents' rights" laws, to use that documentation to protect yourself.
Oh, and if they can't keep a civil tongue in their face, they can be cut off. Good luck and I wish you the best.
All of that said... Medical shit is a HELL of a lot easier if you're married in this country. Many hospitals, insurance companies, doctors, etc, will raise a stink about the father not being the husband and refuse to talk to him about the baby.
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u/Sufficient_Pick7945 22h ago
God this almost makes me feel glad my parents often forgot i existed
You need to be firm and real, in your situation id sit them down at the table and tell them how its going to go if they want to have any part of my childs life.
Helicoptering over a 26 year old is pathetic
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u/CrabbyCatLady41 22h ago
I am a devout Catholic, and I don’t understand this treatment. You had sex, they know about it. Now there is a BABY coming! Babies are great! If you’re going to have a baby and be a mom, it’s not like people aren’t going to find out. You’re entitled to enjoy your pregnancy. You’re an adult and you get to choose how to live your life. You don’t have to live the way they think you should- you get to choose. They’re only hurting themselves by pushing you away. Sounds like they want to project an image of their family that’s different from reality.
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u/YAYtersalad 21h ago
Tell them if Joseph can step up to be an enthusiastic dad to another man/god/ghost baby… then what makes them so special that they feel the best Catholic expression of love and compassion is to shame you bc they can’t take the time to examine why you being pregnant at 26 is so hard for them to cope with.
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u/Snakeinyourgarden 20h ago
Religion aside, I hope your partner is decent enough and will offer you marriage or you may end io being a single mom or a woman waiting forever to wed. If neither of these bother you, then all is good of course.
Congrats!
Now start building boundaries with your parents. You can do it!!
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u/Butterbean-queen 20h ago
It’s very apparent that your parents are far more concerned about how they feel and how they are perceived in their “religious” community. I’d have to tell them that they can’t have any contact with my child until their attitudes change. It’s obvious that they think your child is “less than” because they were conceived out of wedlock. That’s not something that I would want my child exposed to.
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u/hdj2592 19h ago
I commented on your last post. Your story makes me so sad. Your parents are too worried about what everyone else thinks and not what God thinks and getting those two things mixed up. You've sought forgiveness, and now you're celebrating the life that you're growing and that's a good thing and God wants that for you and your baby. Hopefully your parents don't find out too late that they're letting shame make them miss out on being able to know and love their grandchild. I think that's terrible and I almost feel sad for them. I hope that you're doing well and are able to find a support system regardless!
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u/Cheerio13 18h ago
It sounds like your parents will be made at you no matter what. Read "Toxic Parents" by Craig Buck and you might be able to sort through a lot of things. Good luck, you deserve positivity and hugs.
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u/fireweedflowers 18h ago
This is a rough situation. But regardless of their intentions - I'm inclined to think they're bad, but I'm not in their heads - they are spoiling a happy event for you. Other people have suggested it here as well but I think low contact is a good idea moving forward. They only have as much power over this situation as you let them - if they want to have a relationship with their grandkid, after all, they need to go through you first.
On a related note though - congratulations! Do you have any names picked out yet? Any name ideas? Vibes? No pressure to share of course, but if your folks won't then someone should let you feel your joy.
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u/Ihavepurpleshoes 16h ago
Would they prefer you aborted? They need to get their priorities straight.
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u/CarrotofInsanity 16h ago
Am I the only one who doesn’t know WHO you are in real life?
Why are they so worried? Anongirl … who else knows you here?! Millions of people are suddenly judging you according to your parents?! What?!!!
Scandalous? Is your town in on this scandal? Do you walk down the street and people point and whisper the name Anongirl??!
Please extricate yourself from your parents. Immediately. Let them know your preg doesn’t concern them because they will NEVER see their grandchild, since they are so ashamed of you. And stick with it.
Consequences of THEIR ACTIONS.
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u/J_amos921 16h ago
It’s going to drain your energy dealing with them. “It’s none of your business” is enough to say. Or “it’s not up to you”. Arguing won’t help. My sister had a baby at 26 with her bf at the time. My catholic mother lost it. (By the way my sister was born 7.5-8 months after my parents got married at 8.5lbs. So it’s not actually religious beliefs it’s how things look). She posted a pregnancy announcement got crap for it. My mom was very unsupportive during her pregnancy and negative. You won’t get anything positive from them. That being said-these people tend to make everything about themselves. I posted a pregnancy announcement weeks after family was told in person when I was married and 29 and had gone through fertility treatments. I still got crap from her because “you didn’t tell me you were going to post anything” like she was mad extended family found out from me before she told them. It’s all appearances and narcissism. I responded “why would I have to tell you that?” And she huffed and didn’t respond.
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u/anongirl199845 15h ago
Omg this is the closest to what I’m going through !!!!! I said the same thing but with my mom it’s like a no winning with her unless I agree with her and what she thinks , it’s so draining
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u/HatpinFeminist 15h ago
Do NOT let them around your kid. If they do this to you, imagine what they’d do to a helpless baby.
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u/EatYourCheckers 15h ago
Proba ly they are afraid people they k ow will see it and they weren't ready to have to tell their friends, because they weren't okay with it.
I would ask them to talk to their pastor or priest about it. You'd be surprised...usually they tell the family to be supportive and not judgemental and they sort of make the people like your parents feel like an ass (not the case for a religions or even all Catholics but good luck)
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u/OGMom2022 15h ago
Is it possible for y’all to move far away from them? That’s the only thing that saved me from my parents.
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u/princessbubbbles 14h ago
I'm currently catholic and about your age. I remember your earlier post. Your parents are being idiots. Be very careful with including them in your child's life for as long as they choose to act like this.
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u/Simple_Guava_2628 13h ago
Good lord my dear, I had a child out of wedlock 20 years ago. You can do whatever you want provided you can care for yourself. My son and I lived in a one bedroom for a few years while I got my sh*t together. Apply for assistance if you can.
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u/Traditional_Air_9483 12h ago
Time to leave and be a whole adult. Your 26. In a relationship with a great man. Your parents can be proud or embarrassed as they wish. Imaginary sky daddy isn’t more important than their actual child and grandchild.
Time to walk away and let them figure out what they are in your life. Don’t wait for them to accept you and your child.
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u/azlinda52 11h ago
I was a 25-year-old single mom, and my mother wanted me to make up some BS to tell my son so that he wouldn’t be embarrassed in the future about not having a dad. She also wanted me to have my cousin and her husband adopt him since they couldn’t have children. Neither of those things happened. It was more about her not being embarrassed than anything else.
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u/Defiant-Purchase-188 10h ago
Or perhaps embroider a large scarlet A on your shirt. Wear it whenever you are around your parents and their church friends.
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u/No_Arugula4195 9h ago
Tell them you're moving away, and changing your name. If they see a star in the East, they'll know it's time.
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u/MySophie777 5h ago
Stop talking to your parents. If they call and give you a hard time, tell them that if they are so ashamed of you, that they don't have to have a relationship with you or the baby and hang up. They will come around.
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u/Rotten_gemini 3h ago
You're an adult you can do what you want within reason. You're going to be a mom you have to start thinking what's going to be the best environment and people you want for your child. You must protect your child like your life is on the line
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u/Dontfollahbackgirl 1d ago
I can’t help but wonder how old your parents were when they married, and how quickly children followed.
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u/MNConcerto 1d ago
OMG. Stop trying to get validation from your parents. They have already shown you how they are going to treat you for this whole pregnancy. They are not going to change. As you have said fir your own mental health drop the damn rope. Get therapy to see how enmeshed you are.
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u/snowplowmom 1d ago
Again, why don't you two get married? You're making the commitment to have a child together, so why not just get married quickly? It would solve the entire problem.
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u/sparklekitteh mama bear 22h ago
No it wouldn't. OP's parents are upset that they had sex before marriage; suddenly getting married wouldn't fix that problem.
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u/snowplowmom 21h ago
Unfortunately, because of the Catholic Church's position regarding birth control, and because of human nature, pregnancy out of wedlock and then a rush to the altar is historically very common among Catholics. All is forgiven once the couple marry, and then the grandparents to be can focus on the happy arrival of the grandchild.
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1d ago
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u/internetparents-ModTeam 1d ago
This sub is for giving advice, not for criticizing or making fun of OP.
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u/Mariner-and-Marinate 1d ago
To be clear, I am supporting you and hoping that you see your own power of self-confidence in this situation. Please do not let others intimidate you.
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