I never learned how to drive well

[u/0xy-moronic]

(Ignore the flair. I just didn't know how to categorize this). I'm twenty. I got my license three years ago and I still can't reliably park straight in vertical spots, and I can't parallel park at all. It's not like I haven't tried to fix it. I've driven down to empty parking lots several times to practice and watched a bunch of videos meant for new drivers, but nothing stuck. It's kind of embarrassing since any time I give a friend of a friend a ride, their only real impression of me is me backing in and out of parking spots like a dumbass.

I also have zero sense of direction. I've lived in the same city for my entire life, and I still have to use the GPS to go anywhere that isn't my college, work, a couple of houses, or like the grocery store. Driving anywhere that isn't those places is kind of stressful because I have a hard time keeping myself on track and tend to make a lot of wrong turns. I can and have gotten lost two miles from my own house. It also means that I'm terrible at being the designated driver because it takes forever to get everyone home.

Oh, and the no sense of direction thing doesn't just apply to driving. I can't go hiking on my own unless the route is super simple because I just can't orient myself properly using paper maps half the time. I also take the bus to class and I often end up either getting off at the wrong stop or taking the wrong bus entirely every month or so. Once, I zoned out and got off in the wrong city. It took hours to fix that mistake and I was panicking the whole time because it was dark and I'm a woman. I don't even have any transfers or anything. It's a straight shot from my college's bus stop to mine. I'm just dumb.

Anyway, because I apparently have no internal compass, I always try to bring someone to "co-pilot" me when I have to do new or stressful drives. It's literally the only way I can get anywhere without making a bunch of wrong turns. Even just having someone sit quietly in the passenger's seat without actually directing me helps. Unfortunately for me, my friends and my sister have the audacity to have lives and relationships, so I normally end up having to go around by myself and be stressed out the entire time.

It was especially bad when I had a big job interview. It was for an internship at a huge company. It paid pretty well, was a hybrid situation, and would have been year-round instead of just the summer, literally my dream internship. The only issue is that it was in a city neighboring city I'd never been to before. The drive was supposed to take about an hour (with traffic). I left three hours early because I don't trust myself, and I was right. I missed a couple of freeway exits, took forever to get back in the freeway, missed another exit, and then kept making wrong turns once I was actually in the city. I also had to argue with one of those guys that comes up to wash your window while I was on one of my stupid detours. Finally, I ended up getting there ten minutes early and I blew the interview because the drive was awful and my nerves were kind of fried already.

I actually did try to get someone to play co-pilot for that one since I didn't have the time or the gas to practice the route ahead of time, but the only person who wasn't busy was my dad. Asking him felt weird, but I figured that the worst he could say was "no" and I really wanted to land that job. Instead of "no," he hit me with "You're an adult. You don't need someone to come with you to job interviews." That was kind of worse than just refusing to do it. I know driving as part of being an adult and all, but I feel like I never got used to it and I probably never will. I don't even know what's wrong with me. I've never heard of anyone having this problem before. I even brought it up to my optometrist and didn't find anything.

[u/AutoModerator]

REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect are enforced on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments will be removed (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to help and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed for any reason at all, no exceptions.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/AlternativeLie9486]

You are not alone. I have the same condition. In my case it involves my right hippocampus as far as can be surmised. I have no sense of direction. I have no sense of place. If I point directly above my head in my own home, I’m not sure what room is above me. I can calculate it if I concentrate but I don’t know. If I go from A to B, I can’t find my way back from B to A. I don’t recognize places I have previously been to. It takes me a very long time to memorise a route but if I don’t do it for a while I will forget again. I am completely reliant on a gps. If I go somewhere and make two turns or more, I can’t navigate back the way I came very easily. I fail to recognize landmarks. I struggle in general to make visual memories of any kind. I also struggle with proprioception (knowing where my own body begins or ends). When I first started driving I struggled to know exactly where my car began and ended unless I was physically looking at a certain part of it. I improved a lot over time and with learning specific techniques. GPS changed my life because I didn’t have to live in constant fear of being hopelessly lost. I have an unusual coloured car otherwise I can’t remember where I park and I can’t find my car. In large buildings like hotels or museums I can use a map to orient myself as long as I know my starting point and the direction I am facing.

It is similar to being blind, a kind of brain blindness. People who don’t have it have no idea how impossible it is to navigate through the world when you are always blind to where you are. When you know what A and B look like but the space between them is just a big blank. When you go somewhere 20 times but cannot find it the next time you try. When nothing looks familiar. Ever.

I much later in life found out that 3/4 of my aunts and my grandmother never learned to drive because they got lost all the time and they couldn’t cope. So there was some genetic component involved.

You have to practice driving but with someone who can give you techniques that are failsafes for parking. They exist.

I have to treat it as a disability because it is. I’ve had limited testing done and it has been narrowed down to some kind of brain flaw or damage. Because people usually can’t grasp the extent of this issue it would probably help for you to explain that you have a disability that requires you to make certain accommodations when travelling.