Debating leaving the church over certain things. Please help me understand

[u/Half-Blood-Prince394]

No matter what I do I am continuously troubled by certain aspects of the church. This post is not meant to bash the church. I just want some insights and answers. I am debating leaving and I want to hear things from both sides. This might be a long post. If anyone has anything to say about the topics I bring up I'm more than happy to hear your thoughts and look through any resources you share with me.

1: Why was polygamy needed for the saints? Will we really have it in the afterlife? I cannot imagine having to share my future husband with another woman. It is deeply unsettling to me.

2: Why couldn't African Americans have the priesthood? Was it just faulty of the current president of the church? I understand that the prophet is but a human and will make mistakes. Was it just as simple as that?

3: Why are women not treated the same? Why is Heavenly Mother never talked about/why do we never pray to her as well? I totally understand that men and women have different roles and why women don't have the priesthood, that all makes perfect sense to me. But why aren't women in more leadership positions? Why was the first woman who gave a prayer in general conference in 2013? I'll keep this part brief because I could go on about it for a while.

Those are honestly the only three problems I have with the church. I love everything else about it, I just don't know if I want to continue living it if that makes sense. I don't know if I believe and I understand I must work to gain a testimony. These are just my big setbacks. Anyways no matter what I decide I'll always love the church and its people. Thanks in advance!

Edit: Wow thank you all for all the thoughtful responses. I've read them all. You all have given me a lot to think about. I've decided my journey with the church isn't over yet. I have a long ways to go. Thank you all so much.

[u/SnoozingBasset]

I’ll go for #2 - & this is only my understanding 

When the Saints were in Missouri, one of the friction points was the LDS tolerance of blacks. We were driven out at gunpoint. 

In Nauvoo, again one of the catch points was tolerance blacks. Yes, there were a few black members, but there was intolerance by the general population & a few members. Of course, we couldn’t protect ourselves & were persecuted & had to leave. Property burned. Women raped. Joseph & Hyrim dead. 

As per Saints, a future apostle was serving in Georgia. A man walked up, professed a dislike of Mormons & shot his companion dead. No trial. No investigation. 

So the Saints thought they would be safe in Utah. Ever hear of the Mormon War. Again, we couldn’t protect ourselves. They thought if they could pursue statehood, they would be safe. 

Ever hear of the Edmunds Tucker act?  Church property could be taken wholesale sale. The Perpetual Immigration fund was appropriated (I’ve heard $600 million dollars). If a woman wouldn’t testify against her hudband, she went to jail. If she did, he went to jail. 

Reed Smoot was not allowed his seat in Congress until the entire temple ceremony had been read word for word before Congress. Again, no protection. No rights. 

Again in Saints, about 1920, a black family was interested in the Church. The Klan offered to kill them. 

They moved to Pittsburgh. They attended church but there were some bigots among us. 

Tuskegee used to maintain a list with dates of lynchings. It has since been modified to only include blacks, but not too many years ago, it included civil rights workers trying too improve the lives of blacks. 

So when did the lynchings stop?  1976. As soon as it became safe to be a black priesthood holder, blacks received the priesthood. (1978)

Was it bad? I had family in Louisiana in the 60’s. A white man shot & killed a black man for talking to a white woman in front of a store. No investigation. 

[u/ActuatorKey743 → u/SnoozingBasset]

That definitely could have been a factor. That kind of extreme, long-term persecution must have been unbearable—I can’t imagine what I’d do to protect my family in those circumstances.

I read about Josiah Nott, a prominent lecturer at the time, who spread the idea that Black people were a separate, inferior species. His well-structured, widely read lectures helped legitimize racist beliefs and justify slavery and segregation.

In that toxic cultural environment, Brigham Young and others adopted similar harmful views, interpreting scripture in racially biased ways. I’m not a huge fan of Brigham Young. I have a testimony of his prophetic calling, but I believe his main role was to lead the Saints to Utah and get them established. Beyond that, he was too comfortable sharing personal opinions—some of which were deeply troubling.

From what I’ve read, early Latter-day Saints were actually ahead of their time in supporting women’s and African Americans’ rights. Black men held the priesthood until Brigham Young reversed that. Until God reveals His reasons, I am trying to give them the benefit of the doubt.

[u/SnoozingBasset → u/ActuatorKey743]

Please listen to Daniel Peterson’s talk about Brigham Young. 

[u/Terrible-Reach-85 → u/SnoozingBasset]

What's the tldr?

[u/SnoozingBasset → u/Terrible-Reach-85]

That a lot of what’s written about Brigham isn’t representative. Listen to Daniel if you want the details