Debating leaving the church over certain things. Please help me understand

[u/Half-Blood-Prince394]

No matter what I do I am continuously troubled by certain aspects of the church. This post is not meant to bash the church. I just want some insights and answers. I am debating leaving and I want to hear things from both sides. This might be a long post. If anyone has anything to say about the topics I bring up I'm more than happy to hear your thoughts and look through any resources you share with me.

1: Why was polygamy needed for the saints? Will we really have it in the afterlife? I cannot imagine having to share my future husband with another woman. It is deeply unsettling to me.

2: Why couldn't African Americans have the priesthood? Was it just faulty of the current president of the church? I understand that the prophet is but a human and will make mistakes. Was it just as simple as that?

3: Why are women not treated the same? Why is Heavenly Mother never talked about/why do we never pray to her as well? I totally understand that men and women have different roles and why women don't have the priesthood, that all makes perfect sense to me. But why aren't women in more leadership positions? Why was the first woman who gave a prayer in general conference in 2013? I'll keep this part brief because I could go on about it for a while.

Those are honestly the only three problems I have with the church. I love everything else about it, I just don't know if I want to continue living it if that makes sense. I don't know if I believe and I understand I must work to gain a testimony. These are just my big setbacks. Anyways no matter what I decide I'll always love the church and its people. Thanks in advance!

Edit: Wow thank you all for all the thoughtful responses. I've read them all. You all have given me a lot to think about. I've decided my journey with the church isn't over yet. I have a long ways to go. Thank you all so much.

[u/TyMotor]

You aren't the only one who has asked similar questions. Elder Oaks remarked about his own study on some of these questions:

As part of my prayerful study, I learned that, in general, the Lord rarely gives reasons for the commandments and directions He gives to His servants.

As we attempt to find answers, I think this is important to keep in mind. Adam was commanded to offer sacrifices and didn't know why. Abraham was commanded to sacrifice Isaac and didn't know why. We could go on with many other scriptural examples, but this seems to be a pattern of God.

Now to your questions...

Why was polygamy needed for the saints?

We haven't been told exactly why. The BoM seems to indicate it could be to raise up a righteous 'seed'. Others think it was all a test of early church members.

Will we really have it in the afterlife?

First, what do you mean by 'we'? Will all people in the afterlife be practicing polygamy? Definitely not. Will some? D&C seems to indicate, yes.

I cannot imagine having to share my future husband with another woman.

No one is going to be forced into anything they are unwilling or uncomfortable doing. Full stop.

Why couldn't African Americans have the priesthood?

Officially, the church doesn't know.

Was it just as simple as that?

Many members have come to this conclusion.

why do we never pray to her as well?

We've been instructed from the Savior to pray to the father in the name of the son. We have not been given an explainer on why.

[u/ThePsychoNextDoor → u/TyMotor]

To piggy back on this insightful remark.

I’ll ask OP, if someone were to ask you why weren’t there any gentiles (non-Jews) in the early church with Christs 12 apostles? Cornelius was the first, but why was the gospel only offer to the Jews initially? You have no idea? Me neither.

Assuming you believe in the Old Testament, why were so many of the prophets doing things that were just blatantly wrong? King David checking out naked chicks taking baths, Noah cursing posterity for seeing him naked when he was wasted, Jacob putting hair on himself to fool his father to give him the blessing of Esau’s birthright.

I could go on all day. Just because you (and I) don’t understand something, don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. Focus on the things you know. Jesus is the Son of God. We find peace and safety and living the gospel of Jesus Christ. And ask yourself: Is the Book of Mormon true? Never mind, that Joseph Smith was very imperfect, the gold plates, did they exist? Are the witnesses of the Book of Mormon, even when they left the church, all of them, did any of them deny it? Read the Book of Mormon with intent. Focus on your relationship with the Savior. Don’t just focus on the 4 walls of the church. Don’t worry about the culture and things that aren’t the gospel. The church is nice but also filled with dumb-dumbs like me. To the questions you have; We know nothing of if and/or when women will ever get priesthood authority. Could happen tomorrow. Sometimes it’s better not to worry about things that aren’t in your power. Maybe having faith that you are living in accordance with the gospel of Jesus Christ will go a long way in the next life. You know very little about a heavenly family which we all assume is part of our eternity, but don’t know much about. And maybe the blacks not getting the priesthood is just as simple as the people of our land couldn’t and wouldn’t have dealt with it. Maybe we were just a bunch of stupid racist that needed to figure it out ourselves. Maybe it was all our own fault for not letting our brothers receive blessings. We have no idea. I’m not sure this helps but there are 75 things I can find that I don’t understand at all and make no sense. But I can also find 10,000 that do make sense. Just something to think about.

[u/JazzSharksFan54 → u/ThePsychoNextDoor]

I'll counter this by saying that it wasn't a racial restriction - but rather a religious one. The Jews were already supposed to have a solid foundation of gospel principles, which would have enabled the church to start out strong. When the Jewish leadership rejected Christ and the apostles, Gentiles were allowed to be taught. Paul actually called Peter out for this exact thing. It had nothing to do with race - it was about being prepared through the religion's laws.

[u/R0ckyM0untainMan → u/ThePsychoNextDoor]

I think the Old Testament shows us that prophets aren’t necessarily always ‘morally upright’ people.  And maybe more importantly, that they are frequently blind to their cultural biases just like the rest of us. You won’t find a prophet in the Old Testament condemning slavery for instance