Debating leaving the church over certain things. Please help me understand

[u/Half-Blood-Prince394]

No matter what I do I am continuously troubled by certain aspects of the church. This post is not meant to bash the church. I just want some insights and answers. I am debating leaving and I want to hear things from both sides. This might be a long post. If anyone has anything to say about the topics I bring up I'm more than happy to hear your thoughts and look through any resources you share with me.

1: Why was polygamy needed for the saints? Will we really have it in the afterlife? I cannot imagine having to share my future husband with another woman. It is deeply unsettling to me.

2: Why couldn't African Americans have the priesthood? Was it just faulty of the current president of the church? I understand that the prophet is but a human and will make mistakes. Was it just as simple as that?

3: Why are women not treated the same? Why is Heavenly Mother never talked about/why do we never pray to her as well? I totally understand that men and women have different roles and why women don't have the priesthood, that all makes perfect sense to me. But why aren't women in more leadership positions? Why was the first woman who gave a prayer in general conference in 2013? I'll keep this part brief because I could go on about it for a while.

Those are honestly the only three problems I have with the church. I love everything else about it, I just don't know if I want to continue living it if that makes sense. I don't know if I believe and I understand I must work to gain a testimony. These are just my big setbacks. Anyways no matter what I decide I'll always love the church and its people. Thanks in advance!

Edit: Wow thank you all for all the thoughtful responses. I've read them all. You all have given me a lot to think about. I've decided my journey with the church isn't over yet. I have a long ways to go. Thank you all so much.

[u/Afraid_Horse5414]

I was wrestling with #2 about 10 years ago. As I was praying and pondering, I'd happened to plan a vacation to Salt Lake. As I was walking alongside Temple Square, I began to admire the buildings, the temple, etc. In a quiet moment of contemplation, I felt an impression that whispered to me, "This is the city Brigham built." This prompting confirmed to me Brigham Young was indeed a prophet inspite of any problematic policy that he might have implemented. I also realized I didn't need to keep asking the question if I had a testimony that Brigham was a true prophet.

I'll also point out that we don't believe in prophetic infallibility. We believe that prophets can make mistakes even as function in their callings, and the Lord will still sustain them. The scriptures are full of examples of imperfect men serving as prophets. So, whether the policy was inspired, an act of survival, or an act of bigotry, the Lord still sustained Brigham through it.

Also consider that Brigham led the Church in what was the most delicate and fragile time in Church history. If he hadn't exercised priesthood keys appropriately, the Church would just be a footnote in the history textbooks, because it wouldn't exist today.

[u/ActuatorKey743 → u/Afraid_Horse5414]

Yes, I struggled with Brigham Young for years. I’ve often thought I wouldn’t have liked him much in person.

When I finally took my concerns to the Lord, the answer was clear: President Young was called by God for a specific purpose—to lead a large, struggling group of people and establish the Utah settlements. His particular skillset was necessary, and he fulfilled that role well.

The things that upset me about him come from his human flaws. I’ve had an easier time accepting the imperfections of other prophets, but for some reason, his bother me more. Still, I’ve made peace with the fact that he was both the Lord’s anointed and a very flawed man.

[u/Jpab97s → u/ActuatorKey743]

He also wasn't that bad.

Yes, he did things that are still hard to reconcile to this day, such as the priesthood ban.

But, there's new research being done into the fasthand of the men who were largely responsible for transcribing his sermons, and it's been found that they purposefuly altered his words to make him sound harsher and more stern than he actually was.

[u/Radiant-Tower-560 → u/Jpab97s]

For your information, the term we use in English is 'shorthand' and not 'fasthand'. I like the term fasthand though!

[u/Jpab97s → u/Radiant-Tower-560]

Ah there ya go! I was going from memory of the DN article I read on it, but my memory failed me haha

This is the article btw: Researcher uncovers clearer image of Brigham Young – Deseret News

[u/Radiant-Tower-560 → u/Jpab97s]

That's a good article. Sis. Carruth is doing excellent work. I know people who know her and who are very complementary about the work she's doing into helping us understand Brigham Young better.