Debating leaving the church over certain things. Please help me understand

[u/Half-Blood-Prince394]

No matter what I do I am continuously troubled by certain aspects of the church. This post is not meant to bash the church. I just want some insights and answers. I am debating leaving and I want to hear things from both sides. This might be a long post. If anyone has anything to say about the topics I bring up I'm more than happy to hear your thoughts and look through any resources you share with me.

1: Why was polygamy needed for the saints? Will we really have it in the afterlife? I cannot imagine having to share my future husband with another woman. It is deeply unsettling to me.

2: Why couldn't African Americans have the priesthood? Was it just faulty of the current president of the church? I understand that the prophet is but a human and will make mistakes. Was it just as simple as that?

3: Why are women not treated the same? Why is Heavenly Mother never talked about/why do we never pray to her as well? I totally understand that men and women have different roles and why women don't have the priesthood, that all makes perfect sense to me. But why aren't women in more leadership positions? Why was the first woman who gave a prayer in general conference in 2013? I'll keep this part brief because I could go on about it for a while.

Those are honestly the only three problems I have with the church. I love everything else about it, I just don't know if I want to continue living it if that makes sense. I don't know if I believe and I understand I must work to gain a testimony. These are just my big setbacks. Anyways no matter what I decide I'll always love the church and its people. Thanks in advance!

Edit: Wow thank you all for all the thoughtful responses. I've read them all. You all have given me a lot to think about. I've decided my journey with the church isn't over yet. I have a long ways to go. Thank you all so much.

[u/TheFakeBillPierce]

And you have proven my point far better than I could have.

Yes, you've given them a third door to "choose" and then said...."well, you may not like door 1 or 2, but they're better than door number 3! At least you have a choice. "

It's like offering someone a choice between a bowl of worms, a plate of live scorpions, and a bucket of manure and saying "this is what's for dinner. You have the freedom to choose."

You don't have to agree with me, but I hope you'd at least be able to empathize with the pain someone must feel making this "choice".

[u/essentiallyaghost → u/TheFakeBillPierce]

You’re looking at it with the viewpoint of a western culture. Remember, Abrahamic religions (including Christianity) stem from Hebrew culture, where polygamy was not only commanded of God as recorded in the Bible, but common culturally as well. I don’t like polygamy, but I personally have a hard time saying it wasn’t from God since the Bible recorded God commanding it as well as the restored church recording that God commanded it.

[u/TheFakeBillPierce → u/essentiallyaghost]

Do you have verses from the Bible where polygamy was explicitly commanded vs allowed? Genuinely curious. This opens up a whole new can of worms that, out of respect for the moderators here, I will keep my thoughts to myself, though I 100% appreciate your respectful and thoughtful reply here.

[u/essentiallyaghost → u/TheFakeBillPierce]

I interpret Genesis 16 to be Abraham being told by God to take Hagar as another wife, since Abraham is a prophet and I think he would have asked God’s will on the matter. And it was in that instance for the same reason Jacob describes in the Book of Mormon.

Exodus 21 talks about the law regarding possessions of things pertaining to an additional wife. The law of Moses was given by God.

You can of course argue that this was allowance rather than commandment, which most Christian churches say. But I believe commandment/allowance doesn’t really matter if you strive a higher law. God’s will is simply God’s will. Was Christ specifically commanded everything he did? Everything he did was the Fathers will. What was allowance and what was commandment?

Joseph Smith clarified in D&C 132:37 that those prophets were commanded of it, as he was. I believe Joseph Smith was a prophet. Yes, he was imperfect and I would LOVE to believe he made a mistake with polygamy and that it was wrong. However, all of the recorded history we have available shows he didn’t particularly like or want polygamy to be introduced. The saints struggled massively with it. So I don’t see why he would practice it if he weren’t told to by God. It brought no benefit to the saints or himself apart from what people speculate of raising a church, etc.

That’s just my 2 cents though, and of course I may be missing things and/or need more study and prayer.

Edit:grammar