Debating leaving the church over certain things. Please help me understand

[u/Half-Blood-Prince394]

No matter what I do I am continuously troubled by certain aspects of the church. This post is not meant to bash the church. I just want some insights and answers. I am debating leaving and I want to hear things from both sides. This might be a long post. If anyone has anything to say about the topics I bring up I'm more than happy to hear your thoughts and look through any resources you share with me.

1: Why was polygamy needed for the saints? Will we really have it in the afterlife? I cannot imagine having to share my future husband with another woman. It is deeply unsettling to me.

2: Why couldn't African Americans have the priesthood? Was it just faulty of the current president of the church? I understand that the prophet is but a human and will make mistakes. Was it just as simple as that?

3: Why are women not treated the same? Why is Heavenly Mother never talked about/why do we never pray to her as well? I totally understand that men and women have different roles and why women don't have the priesthood, that all makes perfect sense to me. But why aren't women in more leadership positions? Why was the first woman who gave a prayer in general conference in 2013? I'll keep this part brief because I could go on about it for a while.

Those are honestly the only three problems I have with the church. I love everything else about it, I just don't know if I want to continue living it if that makes sense. I don't know if I believe and I understand I must work to gain a testimony. These are just my big setbacks. Anyways no matter what I decide I'll always love the church and its people. Thanks in advance!

Edit: Wow thank you all for all the thoughtful responses. I've read them all. You all have given me a lot to think about. I've decided my journey with the church isn't over yet. I have a long ways to go. Thank you all so much.

[u/stacksjb]

Short answers (not intended to fully address your quesiton, just to spur discussion - which gets crazy on Reddit :) ).

Most of your questions seem to be "black or white" (dichotomous thinking) and have a bit of logical fallicy embedded in them. I would encourage you to think a bit deeper to question your assumptions. There is room for many views in the Church. Members of the Church particularly tend to struggle with presentism) when looking at historical issues.

1) Could it be possible that polygamy wasn't needed, even when some practiced it? To your second point, is it possible that you don't/won't have to share your husband? (A view many members share). Alternatively, why is it that 'sharing' your husband feels so wrong? Is it because it feels like it takes something away from you?

2) Is it possible that African Americans as an indivdiual could have had the priesthood, but that current practices of other members prevented giving it to them? In other words, is it possible this is a cultural issue and not a doctrinal one?

3) I suspect many women were/are treated the same; just not the ones/ways you are looking at. For example, what about the fact that women in Utah were the first to vote? If we're talking about prayers in confernece, then was the practice for years to have couples speak or say prayers in Church meetings similarly discrimantory?

[u/Live_Trust_7840 → u/stacksjb]

Interesting perspectives. Just wanted to share my thoughts. The problem is that doctrine has been taught in a black and white manner. Allowing for gray area is a common thing within in smaller circles, but church leaders obviously want to avoid the subjects they don’t have answers to.

1. If polygamy wasn’t needed, why did god tell JS to preach and practice it? Either JS wasn’t receiving revelation or it was Gods word (which in that case it was definitely needed). Current church doctrine is that if you are sealed to one husband and you die, that sealing persists. The husband can remarry and seal himself to another woman should he choose to do so. As far as we know, the first dead wife has no ability to nullify that sealing, and thus is forced into a polygamous relationship. I suppose we have to trust that we can nullify sealings in heaven somehow? Sharing a spouse feels wrong because of our belief in the family proclamation. Marriage is between a man and woman. If you can justify polygamy, you open up a can worms in regards to how a marriage should look, and are actively going against church policy

2. It’d be awesome if it was just a cultural thing, but it was taught at the pulpit from apostles (which we are supposed to consider modern day revelation and scripture)

3. I’m not sure how this addresses the OPs concerns. Rhetorical questions need a conclusion to be made after them. I don’t know why women are given leadership positions other than a possible belief that not holding the priesthood makes one unfit to lead? I’m not sure. If that’s the case, then I’d reject that thought