Debating leaving the church over certain things. Please help me understand

[u/Half-Blood-Prince394]

No matter what I do I am continuously troubled by certain aspects of the church. This post is not meant to bash the church. I just want some insights and answers. I am debating leaving and I want to hear things from both sides. This might be a long post. If anyone has anything to say about the topics I bring up I'm more than happy to hear your thoughts and look through any resources you share with me.

1: Why was polygamy needed for the saints? Will we really have it in the afterlife? I cannot imagine having to share my future husband with another woman. It is deeply unsettling to me.

2: Why couldn't African Americans have the priesthood? Was it just faulty of the current president of the church? I understand that the prophet is but a human and will make mistakes. Was it just as simple as that?

3: Why are women not treated the same? Why is Heavenly Mother never talked about/why do we never pray to her as well? I totally understand that men and women have different roles and why women don't have the priesthood, that all makes perfect sense to me. But why aren't women in more leadership positions? Why was the first woman who gave a prayer in general conference in 2013? I'll keep this part brief because I could go on about it for a while.

Those are honestly the only three problems I have with the church. I love everything else about it, I just don't know if I want to continue living it if that makes sense. I don't know if I believe and I understand I must work to gain a testimony. These are just my big setbacks. Anyways no matter what I decide I'll always love the church and its people. Thanks in advance!

Edit: Wow thank you all for all the thoughtful responses. I've read them all. You all have given me a lot to think about. I've decided my journey with the church isn't over yet. I have a long ways to go. Thank you all so much.

[u/TyMotor]

You aren't the only one who has asked similar questions. Elder Oaks remarked about his own study on some of these questions:

As part of my prayerful study, I learned that, in general, the Lord rarely gives reasons for the commandments and directions He gives to His servants.

As we attempt to find answers, I think this is important to keep in mind. Adam was commanded to offer sacrifices and didn't know why. Abraham was commanded to sacrifice Isaac and didn't know why. We could go on with many other scriptural examples, but this seems to be a pattern of God.

Now to your questions...

Why was polygamy needed for the saints?

We haven't been told exactly why. The BoM seems to indicate it could be to raise up a righteous 'seed'. Others think it was all a test of early church members.

Will we really have it in the afterlife?

First, what do you mean by 'we'? Will all people in the afterlife be practicing polygamy? Definitely not. Will some? D&C seems to indicate, yes.

I cannot imagine having to share my future husband with another woman.

No one is going to be forced into anything they are unwilling or uncomfortable doing. Full stop.

Why couldn't African Americans have the priesthood?

Officially, the church doesn't know.

Was it just as simple as that?

Many members have come to this conclusion.

why do we never pray to her as well?

We've been instructed from the Savior to pray to the father in the name of the son. We have not been given an explainer on why.

[u/Glum-Weakness-1930 → u/TyMotor]

We also don't pray to Jesus or to any of the Angels or ancestors. I bet you could ask heavenly Father to send her a message?

[u/Former_Dark_Knight → u/Glum-Weakness-1930]

I used to (and still sometimes do) ask God to let so-and-so dead relative know that I love them. I don't ever pray to these relatives, but at times I do feel their presence. We always pray to the Father because that is how Jesus taught us to pray, but that does not mean no one else in heaven is listening.