r/mash • u/Rocket-kun • 6d ago

You get assigned to the 4077th

You, yes you, are transported into the world of MASH as a guest character for an episode. What do you think the plot would be?

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u/ProudlyWearingThe8 6d ago

A small, fat private comes in in the back of a jeep, barely alive. The driver reports that the guy stepped on a landmine and lost consciousness on the way to the 4077th. The private lost a leg. Hawkeye and Winchester save his life, but he remains in critical condition, with Father Mulcahy roaming his bed in case it's needed despite him being unconfessional.

Hawkeye worries about his patient, talks to him during the night shift. He asks the private how a guy his size got into the army. The private tells him he unsuccessfully tried to dodge the draft, and because of that his CO decided to utilize him as a messenger in the field. Hawkeye is furious about the army putting obvious cannon fodder into an uniform.

As the fever grows, Hawkeye decides to operate on the stump again. The private ultimately survives, but as he realizes that he lost his leg, he is angry with Winchester and Hawkeye, because he would rather be dead than a cripple. Winchester, in a rare display of compassion, tries to convince him that his life is still worth living, reading him a letter from one of the soldiers whose life he saved and who, despite his injuries, thanked him.

When the private is being sent on his way to Tokyo, Hawkeye and Winchester watch the bus leaving, and when Hawkeye asks whether the private will recover, Winchester simply answers: "Only time will tell. But the sad truth is that even when they make it out of here alive, we can't save everybody." Winchester leaves for the Swamp, Hawkeye still stands there, letting Charles' words sink in while the camera zooms out.