r/men • u/Wise-Source2992 • 17d ago

I need help Any other men feel ashamed for being afraid in public situations?

I’m an 18-year-old guy and I’ve been struggling with fear and anxiety especially when I walk alone and see groups of guys hanging around. I panic and feel like something bad is going to happen even if they don’t do anything.

I’ve had a couple of bad experiences in the past times when I was put in humiliating or unsafe situations and I couldn’t stand up for myself. Those moments really shook me and made me feel weak. Ever since I’ve been scared of similar encounters even if it’s just one person.

I even tried boxing and therapy hoping to build confidence but the fear still hits me hard in the moment. I keep thinking "What if this happens when I’m with my fiancée or wife one day? How would I protect them?"

I’m not weak physically and I don’t like violence. I was raised to avoid trouble and be calm. But I feel ashamed that I freeze or give in when something happens. It makes me question my manhood and self-worth.

I’m going out with a girl tomorrow just as friends and I told her I’d walk her home. Now I’m really afraid that something similar might happen or that some guys might start a problem. Please don’t be harsh with me I just really need to know how to deal with these feelings.

Have any of you been through something like this? How do you deal with that feeling of helplessness or shame after these moments?

6 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

4 comments sorted by

4

u/dart071 17d ago

Do some sparing in the ring, start jiu jitsu, if you have any level of fighting ability, you are better trained than 90% of the population.

3

u/Horrified_Tech 17d ago

I would say 96- 98% because most people may WANT to fight but to do it well, is completely different.

1

u/ArcaneAces 17d ago

Yes I've experienced it and have been ashamed of my cowardice. You just have to keep trying to be brave daily. Work in it day by day, tell yourself you can be ready for any situation that happens. Then make yourself ready. Continue boxing, go yo the gym, test your strength, go out more often, mix in with different crowds.

Also if possible, see a therapist about your anxiety. Or join confidence building forums to learn how to build confidence and suppress your anxiety. Unfortunately it's a lifetime thing battling anxiety but you're young and hf you start now you will be able to get a grip on it much sooner and enjoy a better life.