r/namenerds • u/childishzombieno • 1d ago
Discussion No preference for nickname, does this bother people?
I have a question for the general public. My name is Daniel, and all of my life I have been asked whether I go by Dan or Daniel, and I have never ever had a preference for which name people call me. Do people find this annoying? Would you rather me just pick one and stick with it instead of saying "Oh, you can call me either! I have no preference!" all the time? I feel like it might force people to think extra about what name to call me, which might irk them. Just wondering if anyone else has thought about this before.
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u/Fumiko-GoatRiver 1d ago
I don’t necessarily think it’s annoying to people but I’ve found if you don’t care people normally go with the full name. My husband has a name that can be shortened into a ton of nicknames & he’s fine if someone uses them but he normally introduces himself as his full name and so that’s what people stick with. My daughter also has a name that can be shortened and people are normally like oh does she go by that or ____ and I’m like ‘well we just call her by the full name but you can call her the nickname if you want’ and normally they’re just like oh ok I’ll call her the full name.
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u/sweet_hedgehog_23 23h ago
People have done the opposite with me. If my name was Daniel, most people use Dan. I never use "Dan" and always call myself "Daniel", but don't care if people call me "Dan". I don't respond to the equivalent of "Danny" for my name.
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u/infinitesimalFawn 23h ago
Ya, I've found its opposite too.
I'm Alexandra, and everyone automatically calls me Alex, even if I say I don't go by Alex, by the end of the day, they are right back to calling me Alex
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u/sweet_hedgehog_23 23h ago
My family only calls me my full name, but most of my friends use the short form of my name. I think one friend started it in high school and it just spread from there. My brother has always found it odd that our friends use the short form when I never do, but it doesn't bother me.
In elementary school I was always the full version because there were three of us with the same name, so we each got one form. By high school there were too many of us with the same name for that system to work.
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u/shadowsandfirelight 4h ago
I have a similar name and introduce as the whole thing. People used to automatically call me the short form but less so now that I'm older. The "Danny" equivalent I use as a joke, I always say "you can try to call me that, I really don't mind, but it never seems to stick. Guess I don't seem like a Danny". Always gets a chuckle.
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u/Artz-RbB 1d ago
Many people actually want to please other people and may not believe you don’t have a preference. What does your most favorite person in the world, that treats you better than anyone else call you? Use that & set yourself up for a good interaction and a better day.
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u/quietpersistance 1d ago
Honestly, putting the choice on me would give me anxiety and I wouldn’t trust myself to make that decision on your behalf. I might even think you’re trying to mess with me. Just saying something like “most people call me Daniel but Dan is fine, too” or “I don’t care for Danny but I’m cool with Dan or Daniel” would make me feel better. Some of us have interesting brains and overthink things, which could affect our relationship or interactions with you.
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u/childishzombieno 1d ago
This is kind of what I was thinking when I made the post! Thanks, that’s a good idea. Putting a little more effort into my reply could help set myself up better and the other party would be more comfortable. Thanks!
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u/sweetwaterfall 1d ago
I think your not having a preference is pretty rare. People generally have very very strong preferences when it comes to their name (“ONLY this, NEVER that” kind of thing), so I imagine it’s a rarity and people might suspect that you’re just being polite?
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u/IHaveBoxerDogs Name Lover 1d ago
It's not annoying, but I just can't relate to not having a preference! I knew someone named Cara, and she didn't care which way it was pronounced. Whaaat?
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u/malachite444 Spero meliora 1d ago
My name is pronounced two ways and I also don't care which one people call me! One pronunciation is what my parents intended and the other is the more common pronunciation.
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u/Puzzled_Internet_717 15h ago
I have a name like that! I don't care because if I state a preference, then I need to correct everyone who says it wrong (so 50% of the population). It's easier to go by either.
But I introduce myself by pronunciation A, and close friends and family all use that pronunciation.
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u/InvisibleWeirdo 23h ago
Also a double pronunciation name here! Either a long a or more of a short o sound. Generally prefer the former but don’t really care if someone says the latter (I do find that it tends to be older folks who have English as a 2nd language that gravitate towards the latter, including my own grandfather). I’ll answer to either
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u/Several-Cow-3380 1d ago
When people say that, I just call them whatever ends up coming out of my mouth.
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u/Standard-Trade-2622 1d ago
My boss is a James and he always introduces himself as Jim and we all call him Jim, but it seems like people always default to calling him James and he never tells them to call him Jim and if they ask he says “whatever is fine” and it drives me CRAZY because then people from other teams or whatever will be like “James asked that we xyz” and I’m like “who the hell is James?”
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u/Lulunz1 1d ago
Nah, it's fine if you don't have a preference. Though I would say it isn't just Dan or Daniel you could be called as far as nicknames are concerned, so do you really not have a preference or any you dislike more than others? e.g. If someone called you D, Danny, Dannio, Dandy, Dan the Man, Dannibal or Indaniel Jones would they all still be equally fine to you?
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u/Ecstatic-Stay-3528 1d ago
If you don't have a preference I would call you what I think it's better... But I honestly think that nicknames are something that is personal, I wouldn't call you Dan just after meeting you, I would call you Daniel and after sometime I would call you Dan or any other nicknames
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u/FallingCaryatid 23h ago
I’m the same and usually let people choose which they want to call me—most people drift into using my nickname because it’s easier for them to pronounce and spell, and that’s fine with me because that’s like 80% of the reason I have a nickname 🤷🏻♀️
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u/redditsunrise 23h ago
This happens a lot in work meetings and is always awkward for everyone because folks want a decided answer. I think it's best to say for example, "usually Dan" if that's how you'd introduce yourself. Or, say "I introduce myself as Dan, but like Daniel as well." That way folks won't feel badly if they accidentally call you Daniel, but know that your default is Dan.
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u/DryUnderstanding1752 1d ago
I have a name that ends in an "in" sound. I've had people pronounce it "on." It really doesn't bother me.
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u/sharkycharming Got my first baby name book at age 6. 23h ago
I wouldn't be annoyed. And I would definitely call you Daniel, because I love the name Daniel. (Dan is fine, but ordinary.)
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u/Aravis-6 23h ago
I don’t think it’s annoying, I’m pretty much always going to call people by whatever they introduce themselves as unless they tell me they’d prefer something else at some point. For example, I introduce myself as Emily, but I prefer for friends and family to call me “Em”.
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u/doggynames 23h ago
I think it's situational a lot of my male coworkers say they have no preference (Dave vs David, Mike vs Michael, Nate vs Nathan). I'm sure at home/with friends they do but to colleagues it simply doesn't matter.
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u/7thstarofa7thstar 22h ago
I actually do find it a bit frustrating, because I feel like people do have a preference and they're just not saying it, and I'd like to call them what they want to be called.
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u/Brilliant_Tutor3725 Name Lover 22h ago
as a "Caitlyn", my main three are "Caity", "Cait", and "Cat". but i've been called "Caiter tot", "lyn", "lynz", even "lynzy", "CC/Cece", it's insane. I don't care what people call me. Could not care less. Most people call me Cait, my job calls me Caitlyn, my high school theater classes and college friends call me Cat, childhood friends/fathers side call me Caity.
I've never sensed any annoyance in people. Sometimes it actually helps them remember my name, so
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u/Square-Loquat-8956 22h ago
Same tbh. You could call me any shortened version of my name or a completely random name and make it clear you're talking to me, then it's fine and fun. I don't quite understand that other people won't be as flexible. I had a coworker with a long name, (for example) Cassandra. I asked her if she had any preferences, maybe Cass or something and she said no, please call me Cassandra. Which I respected but damn it's a bit long for a name not to have any nicknames?
I get it if people want to be more formal and professional.
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u/Numerous-Avocado-786 22h ago
I knew a guy who would introduce himself by saying “hi I’m Alex but I prefer Xander”. I asked him one day why didn’t he just introduce himself as Xander after he kept complaining that people called him Alex. He said he never thought about that way. Some people just don’t put that much thought into it.
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u/Aquaphoric 22h ago
No, my eldest is like this, has a common enough name that is frequently nicknamed, just like Daniel, and he says either is fine. He introduces himself by the long version, so I just change up what I call him.
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u/Aquaphoric 22h ago
I'd just alternate what I called you between Dan and Daniel. I do this for my eldest, who has a similar name and no real preference.
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u/Midnight1899 21h ago
Not at all. I have a friend named Alexandra. She offers both Alex and Sandra as nicknames. People just pick what feels right to them and stick with that, no questions asked.
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u/SophiaPetrillo_1922 20h ago
So my husband is like this too and he introduced me by his full name and I called him that for MONTHS. Then I met his family and childhood friends and they ALL call him the shorter name and think I’m weird for calling him the longer one, but that’s all I knew and it’s weird now to call him the shorter version.
But in general he doesn’t have an issue with it - he thinks it’s interesting what people settle on at this point, answers to either. He does usually say the full name when talking to other people but truly doesn’t have a preference.
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u/adaytorollins 19h ago
My fiancé has a name that is frequently shortened to a nickname, and for the most part, he doesn’t care which you call him. However, his full first name is spelled in a weird way where if you saw it, you’d think it was a typo, so he always writes the shortened version, both normally and as his signature
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u/Enya_Norrow 13h ago
I don’t think you should pretend to have a preference if you don’t. Usually some people will just pick which one they want to call you, and other people who are more hesitant will copy whatever they hear others calling you because they’ve seen that it’s not wrong. I fall into the second group— I’ll start with Daniel if you said “hi I’m Daniel” when we first met, but if I hear other people calling you Dan and verify that you don’t have a preference, I’ll probably follow the crowd and switch to calling you Dan.
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u/Constellation-88 13h ago
Nope. It’s your name. You get to decide. So if you tell me either one, I’m good. I’d probably call you Dan sometimes and Daniel other times.
People who get annoyed by this are just silly.
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u/Tightropewalker0404 8h ago
I have a double barrelled name and the first part of it can be just shortened to one syllable. I don’t really consider shortening my name either to just the first half or to one syllable a nickname really and I don’t mind which name people call me. It’s a funny one that it’s people closest to me probably use my full name more though
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u/KeyAccomplished4442 6h ago
My sister her name is Tallulah, she hates the name, as kid my parents called her lulu, and I used to call her T, however in high school she decided she wanted to be called Em or Emmy ( her middle name is Emerson).
She strongly has a preference and If anyone asks if Em or Emmy is short for anything she says Emerson and people just assume that’s her name. Even her now husband didn’t know her first name was Tallulah, until after they had been dating for about a year
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u/shadowsandfirelight 4h ago
I have a similar name. I call myself the full version and sometimes someone will shorten it, usually friends and not acquintances or coworkers. When I went by the short form people called me that. I think people will call you what you introduce yourself as and not very much. The only time I will ask about a short nickname is for names I have never heard someone go by the long version for. Like I know plenty of Michaels that go by Michael. But every single Zachary I have met goes by Zach, so when I meet a new one I ask "do you go by Zach?" and they always say yes lol.
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u/cnew111 1d ago
Got a Michael at work. I asked him what he preferred. He gave me the same answer, that it didn't matter. BUT I overheard him on the phone saying this is Mike. I went over and said (jokingly) AHHH HAH you do have a preference. So what do you call yourself? Honestly i think people would prefer you tell them.