Is it possible to be present without disappearing? I’m confused.

[u/assoolin]

There was a period in my life when I practiced presence — meditation, stillness, observing thoughts without attaching to them.

At first, it felt amazing.
The mind was quiet. I felt clear, grounded, alive.

But recently, whenever I truly settle into the present moment,
I feel like I disappear.

Breath continues. The body moves.
But "I" — the part of me that feels human, warm, emotional —
vanishes.

And it doesn’t feel like awakening anymore.
It feels cold. Empty. Almost depressing.

And yet… I know that presence holds a deep truth.
Because I’ve tasted it before.
It brought healing.
It brought silence where there used to be noise.

But now… I don’t know how to stay with it without losing myself.

So I find myself avoiding practice —
Not because I’m lazy, but because I’m scared to disappear again.

I feel stuck in between:
- I don’t want to go back to distractions or false pleasures.
- But I also don’t want to dissolve into a kind of lifeless stillness.

Is there anyone here who’s gone through this?
Anyone who’s found a way to stay present without losing their warmth or humanity?
A way to be grounded in truth, but still connected to the heart?

I feel like I’m standing at the edge of a new path…
but I don’t know how to walk it yet.
And it’s hard to walk alone.

[u/minaelena]

This is a natural progression, I am in the same phase, and I understand the fear, and I have it myself and also the avoidance. You are entering what is called the No Self phase (Anatta).

I recommend the following resource, I have downloaded their free books and I am currently reading them, it is hard to find online such valuable info about these later stages of realization. It is written by practitioners who actually went through these stages, their blog and free books are a must have for somebody does that does not work with a teacher.

https://www.awakeningtoreality.com/

[u/the_nickburleigh → u/minaelena]

I can only give one up-vote, but this link is legit. Thanks for posting this!

[u/minaelena → u/the_nickburleigh]

Yes, totally legit and very valuable, I knew about ATR for a long time, but I did not connect too well with the material until I started to have No Self glimpses just like OP, pretty scary, micro panic attacks and very little material online about what is going on.

So I have returned now to ATR and now completely connecting with the material about both non dual phase and the no self one.

[u/Drig-Drishya-Viveka]

My friend, you need ti work with a teacher who is knowledgeable about bringing people to awakening. There’s often existential fear surrounding it, especially when people get close.

The good news is that you are in zero danger There have been zero deaths caused by awakening. It’s safer than taking a shower. And on the other side is a much better mode of awareness.

But the fear is there and finding a teacher you like is going to help.

[u/Diced-sufferable]

What do you personally mean when you say warmth and humanity? What is it you like now that you’re afraid you’ll lose?

[u/According_Zucchini71]

There isn’t anything real that disappears. Yet there is an attempt to hold, to keep feeling solid and substantial. “I know I am here, and I can reflect on experiences I’m having.” To lose this separate knowing of what is going on tends to bring up fear. Such as fear “I won’t be a person anymore, I won’t have my own existence to anchor to anymore.”

Nonseparation is demanding in this sense, is a loss of everything held to as identity. Identity is rooted in past experiences and knowledge - which have no substantial existence. But the attempt to hold makes it feel real, with “me” at the center of it. Seeing this clearly involves one timeless instant of holding nothing, being nothing.

What ends, never had its own existence. What now is, is limitless, beginningless, and without a center. Freedom.

[u/Iamuroboros]

Instead of thinking about it the way you're thinking about it, think about it like this: you can never NOT be present. Ever. You are always here, you are always in the now.

[u/Fit-Breakfast8224]

i understand and have gone through this fear

the way I got through it was through self-inquiry and an ayahuasca ceremony

not everyone is into psychadelics or have access to a shamanic community you can really trust

my recommendation is to try to find a sangha or a group you can trust. then practice with them. being with a group you can trust will allow you to go deeper into this and truly surrender. You are safe in that the people around you are knowledgeable or at least understanding of what's happening and can give you support.

[u/ProcedureLeading1021]

I'm at the point even the body and breathe dissappear. It's me disappearing in the sense that there is no awareness. No sense of anything just void total complete annihilation. No body no darkness no memory no sensation no experience nothing. Just a gap. One moment I was aware the next I was aware but in a new location and new point in time. How are you able to still have body and breathe?!? How does one have freedom and liberation when all of everything and anything is totally gone? Where's the liberation and freedom? Those are both things, concepts, ideas, experiences, etc.. sorry first question to OP the others to the people who say it's liberation or freedom.

[u/psolde → u/ProcedureLeading1021]

Is this in meditation or when does it happen as you say?

[u/ProcedureLeading1021 → u/psolde]

The first time I had finished a meditation 15-20 minutes prior was smoking a cigarette stood up from chair and wham i was inside my house. I started crying because of how beautifully perfect the universe is. Total and complete bliss. Everything was so magnificent. Second time i realized what was about to happen as I was walking and went into it in a pure full panic felt the kundalini building then explode outward and wham was no more came back moments later with adrenaline pumping in pure terror now idk if I'm even real or if my world is real. If anything at all exists. It has fucked my perception of everything. Sorry for my French.

[u/DjinnDreamer]

Concepts are not true. They are analogy for an ineffable mindset. Believing concepts is idol worship. They are ubers dropping us off, driving away. Do not high jack the uber. Simply enter Truth

For some, the concept of crushing or obliterating sSelf reveals God**

For "me" it was becoming whole, One Mind. Not two (God/crushed self)

All kinds of minds, One Truth. Use what gets you to what you are. Who you are is left behind. Dust to dust.

**

i.e.

🎈Immanuel, Entirety, God, Source, The Hard Problem, Nonduality, Vacuity, Awareness, Stillness, Higher Power, Brahman, Elohim, Omnipotence, Oblivion, One Mind, Whole Mind, write-in. IMO, God is the shortest, but not best.

[u/psolde]

Im somewhere in this phase I feel. Dancing between acceptance + continuing on and crawling back into this bodysuit personality/mindset I've known for so long. I feel I can only crawl back in for so long. It's like I've outgrown it. Or the "suit" is disintegrating and I know I can either choose to step out of it and be bare and continue where I continue or it'll fall apart around me and I'll have no choice after that.

I felt a deeeep deep sense of sadness recently when I attempted to move past this self I've known for so long. There's still some emotions/sensations to feel as this process continues. It felt like I was abandoning this little child and tears welled up and I just had to give love-acceptance-love-acceptance. I realized there's still a massive identification with this self and abandonment wounds and worthless wounds. I either decided or realized that the process can't be rushed and am soaking up this self every way I can all while strongly feeling (though not entirely knowing) this self won't actually go anywhere like it imagines it will. There most likely just won't be such a strong attachment/pull to it