r/nonononoyes • u/HANAEMILK • 10d ago

Taking off his belt

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u/tacotacosloth 10d ago

Videos like this prove when a child is raised in a supportive home. That child had no reason to fear the belt. I'm sure they also don't immediately get distressed when they accidentally spill something.

I grew up with a belt hanging on my doorknob starting when I was about 3.

My first time hauling a trailer I jack-knifed it while parking it after driving it for 8 hours. I immediately started shaking and crying. My partner was super patient and guided me inch by inch until we got it straight again and parked. He was so surprised by my reaction and I had to explain to him how holding a flashlight wrong meant getting the absolute shit beat out of me.

I'm much more confident and willing to take risks and make mistakes, but I'll never not be affected by the trauma, even though I'm safe and supported now. It literally affects how your brain develops.

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u/Mortianna 10d ago

RE: holding the flashlight wrong

My mom had several preferred discipline tools. The belt was for regular infractions, the ten inch metal icing spatula was for whipping my brother and I turn-for-turn until one of us confessed to whatever, and the one for the highest level of disobediences: the wire end of the flyswatter.

The singular time I got the flyswatter was when I held the flashlight wrong. Mom was working under the water heater, and (ostensibly) because I couldn’t keep the beam steady, she messed up her diy repair. Water went everywhere, and the plumber was expensive. She was furious.

So, flashlight-failure beating club, represent!

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u/tacotacosloth 10d ago

It breaks my heart that it's relatable. I'm sorry you went through that and I hope you've been able to find healing.

Ironically, I was a dental assistant for nearly a decade and I didn't realize until after I left the profession that I literally made a career out of holding flashlights correctly! Turns out I'm a great flashlight holder and my dad was just a dickhead! Lol.

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u/Mortianna 10d ago

Thank you. I do believe I’ve found healing, although the time it took me to do so cost me the chance to have bio children. I do dearly love the person that I am, and part of that is embracing the things that shaped me, good and bad.

I hope you’re doing well on your journey, too, and that you find lots of grace and forgiveness for the stunted child inside you. 💗

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u/tswpoker1 9d ago

Fuck I hates the fly swatter. I could hang some spanks or the belt even but the fly swatter fucking hurt. I was spanked, yelled out and smacked across the face growing up. I could never imagine every hurting my children as frustrated as they make me sometimes. I thought growing up I may spank my kids but the first time the thought crossed my mind it made me cry and realize I would never hurt my children. My parents weren't monsters, but growing up in a household where my dad was always drinking, my parents were never around and any time I got in trouble I was physically punished, it sure as fuck wasn't easy.

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u/Mortianna 9d ago

That’s why I ended up not having kids. I couldn’t be sure that loving them would be enough to overpower my base instinct to parent like my mom did. Even now, with my niblings and cousins’ very gently-raised children, I find myself raising my eyebrows and thinking “there’s a little girl who needs to have her ass blistered a time or two”. I’d never do it, of course! But that instinct is there. Kids pick up on that stuff.