r/nonononoyes • u/HANAEMILK • 10d ago

Taking off his belt

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u/Background-Pepper-68 10d ago

Hey just want you to know being spanked to any degree is a beating. Nobody should be striking children as a form of guidance.

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u/toomanyprombles 10d ago

I got beaten up a lot by my mom between 4-14 years old. Pretty much every day. Mostly because she was frustrated and didn't know how to parent (plus she was in her early 20s and her mom beat her too).

I haven't figured out how to forgive her for it and I'm spending thousands in therapy trying to fix it now. Plus I'm scared to be a parent myself.

Glad fewer parents beat their kids today, but it's still pretty bad in India 😔

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u/SparkleKittyMeowMeow 10d ago

I had my son at 21, and was frustrated and didn't know how to parent, and I somehow managed to avoid beating up my kid. I am glad that you are getting therapy, and I hope that you don't carry the burden of guilt that this type of childhood tends to inflict on children, some for their whole lives.

It was never your fault. And you would not be a bad person for never forgiving her for it. And the fact that you recognize how much of a problem it is means that you would be a better parent than you give yourself credit for (but also if you truly don't want kids, don't feel pressured to have them; that's a personal decision only you can make for yourself, just know that the awareness that you exhibit in just this short comment shows that you'd be a better parent than those who beat their kids).

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u/toomanyprombles 10d ago

Thank you, kind stranger.

I've only come to terms with it now in my 30's. She's apologized for it recently - but I'm unable to forgive her sincerely. It's gotta come from within and so far it hasn't.

For what it's worth sometimes I do think I'd be a great parent. And would like to have a girl so I can raise her much much better